Unadopting a Child...

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Can anyone provide a link to the story, please? i can't find it in the link on the initial post.
 
Floh said:
Can anyone provide a link to the story, please? i can't find it in the link on the initial post.
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CNN has it on their home page. Not sure if that's the original link that was given.
 
felder said:
Please don't even consider giving an opinion on this topic unless you have adopted a "special needs" child.
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How about if we have adopted an infant and have no idea what problems will come in the future?

I can see your point, but you haven't given up on the ones you have adopted, which I think is wonderful.
 
felder said:
Anyone who is appalled by this adoptive mother's decision should feel free to contact the state Family Services Division in LORTON, Va. and offer to take this child in. I don't say this lightly. I am single and have 2 adopted children that I got through foster care. Both are special needs. I got both of them as young children and both are over 21 now, but totally dependent upon me. One is sphizophrenic and mentally retarded and the other is learning disordered and hyperactive. Over the years people would ask me about adopting a child with disabilities and my response was always, you don't give away your biological child because they are disabled, the same is true when you adopt.

However, I have a friend who is single and has adopted over 12 "special needs" children over the last 20+ years. She is a great mother and her grown adopted children are all productive citizens. She adopted one child that she had to give back after years of trying to work with her. Sometimes love just isn't enough.

Please don't even consider giving an opinion on this topic unless you have adopted a "special needs" child.
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Thanks for your insight Felder and bless you for your big heart.
 
Please don't even consider giving an opinion on this topic unless you have adopted a "special needs" child.

I have two and support the family in this case. I believe they have been through unimaginable hell and are doing what they have to to save their family. I think the untold story in this case is the victims were likely family members.
 
SadieMae said:
I'm sorry Moe...but that statement just kinda disturbed me. None of us knows what our children will become even if we gave birth to them. A mother can't pick and choose her birth childs characteristics, we get what we get. The childs background agreed may have an effect, but there are so many stories of serial killers, mass murderers, etc, that have been described as having the "perfect childhood". That being said, there are many children from abusive family backgrounds that are sane, productive and healthy adults.
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For god's sake--if the child had been exposed to smallpox, you'd want to know that before brining him into your home, if no other reason than to take precautions against infecting everyone else in the home. You can't help someone overcome problems if you have no clue what they are to begin with.
 
twinkiesmom said:
Please don't even consider giving an opinion on this topic unless you have adopted a "special needs" child.

I have two and support the family in this case. I believe they have been through unimaginable hell and are doing what they have to to save their family. I think the untold story in this case is the victims were likely family members.
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I can have an opinion without having adopted a special needs child.


Why isn't this boy in the juvenile system instead of back in foster care? Do you have to pay child support if your child is in the juvenile system? I would not want to pay for a child that was a molestor but if it were my biological child I would not have a choice. When you adopt a child it should be as if it were your own.
Since the law says he can choose to keep her as his mother she is stuck with him. Though I don't know why anyone would make her keep a child she does not want except to get support from her. I would not want the boy either, but kids are like a box of chocolates...you don't always get what you want. ( sorry just had to put that in there)
I feel for her but don't think the law is going to go in her favor.
 
twinkiesmom said:
<<I can have an opinion without having adopted a special needs child.>>

It disgusts me when people (who've gotten everything they wanted, had their own perfect biological children just when they wanted them, perfectly spaced two or three years apart, nurtured and sang to their children through 9 months of pregnancy, attended all the prenatal visits, took their vitamins, played Baby Einstein to their womb) sit in judgement of others who have taken strangers into their home and make them family when those placements don't work out.

I have taken a stranger into my home- a pretty messed up stranger, at that! No, he wasn't sexually abused but was certainly physically and emotionally abused and neglected to an extreme I have never seen before!

I have had some frustrating times with this child but I love him and he could do nothing that would make me stop loving him.
I do have a biological child who matters too and if a time ever came where I
felt I needed to protect him from his "Brother from another mother" (as they call themselves) I would do so in a heartbeat!

I'd remove him from this home if need be. But, I would be there every step of the way with my child, just as if the illness he had was Cancer or AIDS!! I told my son when he came into my home that I would always love him and I intend to keep that promise! His life depends on it!

This child in the news didn't ASK to be this way..! and it is our job as parents to love them through it- though anything!

The people trashing this family are just like my sister-in-law who has pictures of all her other nieces and nephews on the refrigerator, tells me my children are "needy", reacts in disgust when my son asks if her newborn baby is adopted, and quizzes them about math facts at a family brunch to show how they don't measure up.

I don't know if I would say anyone is "trashing" this family- some of us are just shocked that they would think of throwing their child away- for any reason!


Would you tell a wife to stay with her abusive husband? Wasn't he her family? Didn't she promise to stay with him for better or for worse?

IMO, there is a huge difference between a husband and a child. Children, especiallya troubled child such as this one depend on their parents to love them and do the right thing for them!

We're talking about a baby rapist here...what if the victim was a foster sister or a grandchild?

Yes, adoption is a commitment, but some of us obviously believe rape trumps adoption. Some kids can not be helped in a family situtation. Some need residential care. The state lied to this family, it should pay for it. :furious:
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Absolutely!! You are absolutely right that this child should no longer be in the home to hurt another person but there is a difference between throwing him away and getting him help to keep others safe from him, hell, to keep him safe from himself even!

Again, you are absolutely right- the state should pay! Probably one of the first things that should be done is to sue the state and use the money to pay for this kids help!
 
20-25,000 children leave foster care every year due to emancipation-- meaning they aged out of the system, having never had a permanent/forever family. (Sources: http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/FactOverview/foster.html
http://www.youthtoday.org/youthtoday/July05/story2_7_05.html)

Yes, what has happened to this child is a tragedy. But so is what happens to the 20-25,000 other children who age out of foster care each year. I can't get too upset about this one child when, as a country, we fail to take care of all our children.

In this country, a mistreated dog gets more public outrage that a mistreated child.
 
I think they said that they did not find out about the molestation of the other children after the fact. So is it too late then to have him accountable for it, I mean if someone is molested and just say 4 years later they tell someone, will the molester still possibly go to jail or be put in juvenille care which would be his case? Or is there a statute of limitations on that?:waitasec:
 
<<I can have an opinion without having adopted a special needs child.>>

It disgusts me when people (who've gotten everything they wanted, had their own perfect biological children just when they wanted them, perfectly spaced two or three years apart, nurtured and sang to their children through 9 months of pregnancy, attended all the prenatal visits, took their vitamins, played Baby Einstein to their womb) sit in judgement of others who have taken strangers into their home and make them family when those placements don't work out.

The people trashing this family are just like my sister-in-law who has pictures of all her other nieces and nephews on the refrigerator, tells me my children are "needy", reacts in disgust when my son asks if her newborn baby is adopted, and quizzes them about math facts at a family brunch to show how they don't measure up.

Would you tell a wife to stay with her abusive husband? Wasn't he her family? Didn't she promise to stay with him for better or for worse?

We're talking about a baby rapist here...what if the victim was a foster sister or a grandchild?

Yes, adoption is a commitment, but some of us obviously believe rape trumps adoption. Some kids can not be helped in a family situtation. Some need residential care. The state lied to this family, it should pay for it. :furious:
 
twinkiesmom said:
<<I can have an opinion without having adopted a special needs child.>>

It disgusts me when people (who've gotten everything they wanted, had their own perfect biological children just when they wanted them, perfectly spaced two or three years apart, nurtured and sang to their children through 9 months of pregnancy, attended all the prenatal visits, took their vitamins, played Baby Einstein to their womb) sit in judgement of others who have taken strangers into their home and make them family when those placements don't work out.

The people trashing this family are just like my sister-in-law who has pictures of all her other nieces and nephews on the refrigerator, tells me my children are "needy", reacts in disgust when my son asks if her newborn baby is adopted, and quizzes them about math facts at a family brunch to show how they don't measure up.

Would you tell a wife to stay with her abusive husband? Wasn't he her family? Didn't she promise to stay with him for better or for worse?

We're talking about a baby rapist here...what if the victim was a foster sister or a grandchild?

Yes, adoption is a commitment, but some of us obviously believe rape trumps adoption. Some kids can not be helped in a family situtation. Some need residential care. The state lied to this family, it should pay for it. :furious:
Click to expand...

Please don't be disgusted when you have no idea what others have been through with their children, adopted or otherwise. Anyone who is a parent or even thought of becoming one can have an opinion. I agree that she should not be forced to keep this teen in her home after what happened. It's still up in the air about whether she was fully informed or not. If the state lied to her, yes they should pay and that is disgusting.

If a biological child of hers ended up molesting two children should she turn her back on him? There is always that possibility even in the most perfect family situation. In those cases as in this one, I believe the teen should have to face the music for what he has done but it would be nice if he had some family support during this time, especially since he will eventually be released back into the community.
 
twinkiesmom said:
<<I can have an opinion without having adopted a special needs child.>>

It disgusts me when people (who've gotten everything they wanted, had their own perfect biological children just when they wanted them, perfectly spaced two or three years apart, nurtured and sang to their children through 9 months of pregnancy, attended all the prenatal visits, took their vitamins, played Baby Einstein to their womb) sit in judgement of others who have taken strangers into their home and make them family when those placements don't work out.

The people trashing this family are just like my sister-in-law who has pictures of all her other nieces and nephews on the refrigerator, tells me my children are "needy", reacts in disgust when my son asks if her newborn baby is adopted, and quizzes them about math facts at a family brunch to show how they don't measure up.

Would you tell a wife to stay with her abusive husband? Wasn't he her family? Didn't she promise to stay with him for better or for worse?

We're talking about a baby rapist here...what if the victim was a foster sister or a grandchild?

Yes, adoption is a commitment, but some of us obviously believe rape trumps adoption. Some kids can not be helped in a family situtation. Some need residential care. The state lied to this family, it should pay for it. :furious:
Click to expand...
I think this issue hits close to home for you. i can't even put myself in your shoues b/c i have never adopeted a child, let alone have any sepecial needs children but this is an open forum and we can all put our 2cents in. i have never been molested but I can still have views on it and I can freely post them. we can all freely post even if the topic at hand hasn't happened to us. i have formed an opinion on this case, and i have my 2 "perfect"kids. but really, when they are your (by birth OR adooption) aren't they usually? Please don't take this as an attack either b/c I mean no offence by it at all.
 
michelle said:
I think they said that they did not find out about the molestation of the other children after the fact. So is it too late then to have him accountable for it, I mean if someone is molested and just say 4 years later they tell someone, will the molester still possibly go to jail or be put in juvenille care which would be his case? Or is there a statute of limitations on that?:waitasec:
Click to expand...

It shouldn't be too late and he should have to face up to what he has done just like any other juvenile sex offender.
 
Today, 04:46 PM
OneLostGrl
Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 2,013

Quote:
Originally Posted by twinkiesmom
<<I can have an opinion without having adopted a special needs child.>>

It disgusts me when people (who've gotten everything they wanted, had their own perfect biological children just when they wanted them, perfectly spaced two or three years apart, nurtured and sang to their children through 9 months of pregnancy, attended all the prenatal visits, took their vitamins, played Baby Einstein to their womb) sit in judgement of others who have taken strangers into their home and make them family when those placements don't work out.

I have taken a stranger into my home- a pretty messed up stranger, at that! No, he wasn't sexually abused but was certainly physically and emotionally abused and neglected to an extreme I have never seen before!

I have had some frustrating times with this child but I love him and he could do nothing that would make me stop loving him.
I do have a biological child who matters too and if a time ever came where I
felt I needed to protect him from his "Brother from another mother" (as they call themselves) I would do so in a heartbeat!

I'd remove him from this home if need be. But, I would be there every step of the way with my child, just as if the illness he had was Cancer or AIDS!! I told my son when he came into my home that I would always love him and I intend to keep that promise! His life depends on it!

This child in the news didn't ASK to be this way..! and it is our job as parents to love them through it- though anything!

The people trashing this family are just like my sister-in-law who has pictures of all her other nieces and nephews on the refrigerator, tells me my children are "needy", reacts in disgust when my son asks if her newborn baby is adopted, and quizzes them about math facts at a family brunch to show how they don't measure up.

I don't know if I would say anyone is "trashing" this family- some of us are just shocked that they would think of throwing their child away- for any reason!


Would you tell a wife to stay with her abusive husband? Wasn't he her family? Didn't she promise to stay with him for better or for worse?

IMO, there is a huge difference between a husband and a child. Children, especially a troubled child such as this one depend on their parents to love them and do the right thing for them!

We're talking about a baby rapist here...what if the victim was a foster sister or a grandchild?

Yes, adoption is a commitment, but some of us obviously believe rape trumps adoption. Some kids can not be helped in a family situtation. Some need residential care. The state lied to this family, it should pay for it.


Absolutely!! You are absolutely right that this child should no longer be in the home to hurt another person but there is a difference between throwing him away and getting him help to keep others safe from him, hell, to keep him safe from himself even!

Again, you are absolutely right- the state should pay! Probably one of the first things that should be done is to sue the state and use the money to pay for this kids help!
 
I'm going to be a total jerk here...but what difference does it make if they "throw" him away now and put him back into adoption? The kid is 15, and has clearly shown a propensity as a sexual offender. If he were 3 years older there wouldn't be ONE of you here in this forum who would suggest getting him counseling. I'm quite sure you would demand that he be thrown away in jail to rot...so with that said...why wait? Do it now. Once a molester, always a molester. Right?
 
I don't know if Websleuths is messed up or if I am but the reply's to this thread are showing up reeeeallllly messed up and out of order so I re-posted my response to twinkiesmom. Please forgive me if for some reason it is my own computer messing up and everyone else got my reply 2X!
 
michelle said:
I think they said that they did not find out about the molestation of the other children after the fact. So is it too late then to have him accountable for it, I mean if someone is molested and just say 4 years later they tell someone, will the molester still possibly go to jail or be put in juvenille care which would be his case? Or is there a statute of limitations on that?:waitasec:
Click to expand...

This article indicates she knew right away and they went to court:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/10/08/AR2006100801151.html

There are 4 pages to this article and I'm still reading it. It may shed much more light on what this family has been through.
 
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