This is such a terribly sad end to a Kenzie's life. I know some may not agree with me, but I hope that if their meeting is related to her activities in the SD/SB world, that it results in some girls and women who are either already, or thinking about, entering this world to pause.
I haven't read every post in all the threads, but I have read much around the research, opinions, views, judgements and frustrations about SD/SB relationships on here. I also have insights into these arrangements beyond what is simply discussed online or gathered through questionnaires and interviews in a research setting (although I do respect the research process, I’ve studied to doctrate level - it adds value to understanding an issue).
My concern is how alot of the focus shifts to semantics - is it sex work, is it not; does it empower women or does it not. Is it just a new acceptable form of an intimate relationship or is it an imbalance of power?
This is only my opinion, but these arrangements are mostly not healthy. I do believe a healthy relationship (intimate or not) MAY potentially develop or exist from SD/SB connections, however in reality what these connections and relationships ultimately are depends on the expectations of both parties. I truly believe the 'acceptance' and normalisation (in some groups i.e. young females who are studying) of these relationships is damaging not only the concept they have of relationships, but also their own sense of self. When a girl or woman convinces herself this is an appropriate way to survive her world (i.e. funds for needs/wants, mentoring, making personal or professional connections), she is counting on the relationship to proceed based on her expectations. This is a dangerous space to be, because the other person's expectations may be very misaligned to hers. Sex or not, the very nature of the connection is defined by both people's views, actions, thoughts and expectations.
What worries me is that women and girls are being reassured that this is an acceptable choice for connecting because THEY are doing it for their own specific reasons. But where in this reassurance is the consideration of men who will have potentially unethical, inappropriate, illegal or harmful intentions?
I was made aware a few years ago of an online group of men who advertised themselves as SDs (and as many have said on here, they are from all walks of life, all pay grades, all relationship statuses, etc). This group was purely set up for the men to discuss and compare the SBs - compare 'notes', identify the ones who would be willing to have sex or not. They labelled the women and girls, they helped each other to work efficiently i.e. not waste time on the ones who wouldn’t have sex or avoid the ones who expect too much $$$ for too little.
Now I’m not saying this defines how all men are who promote themselves as SDs, however this is the point. Women and girls don’t know if they are going to get the man who genuinely respects females, or the man who is engaging in predatory behaviour.
This world can be secretive, deceptive, primitive and demeaning. And I’m sure for some it could also be inspiring, satisfying and empowering. But the fact is, especially for young women, it’s like flipping a coin, and the odds are not even. And the effects on self esteem and self concept can last a lifetime. Or worse, can result in many types of harm, not all fatal.
Sorry for the long post, but I have been sitting on these thoughts for quite a while, and I just hope, if poor Kenzie’s life has been cut short because of her choices in this SD/SB world, that it does not define her, rather inspires others to challenge the notion that normalising these types of relationships is where they or society wants to go. I’m not religious, I am very open-minded and I think everyone should strive to feel empowered and satisfied in life. I just think we are doing a disservice to women and girls if we send the message that presumed empowerment is as good as the real thing.
