I still cannot get over the big deal made about a little kid with special needs saying something in a school play.
Who cares what he says and how many times? I feel very sad that people cannot have some empathy.
Kids have been mainstreamed now for years. Anyone of us might have a stroke or an illness that makes us special needs. Some understanding goes a long ways towards happiness.
Nothing wrong with empathy, but there's a difference between empathy/supportiveness and instances where it actually becomes encouragement and rewarding bad or unacceptable behavior.
My 50+ SIL has had "issues" since childhood. Epilepsy is one of them, but as I point out to her dad, that has nothing to do with her violent, aggressive, destructive behavior. She has gotten away with criminal behavior, getting her own way at the expense of others - and DESPITE good sense or common sense because her parents were so worried about hurting her feelings or making her angry BECAUSE SHE'S SPECIAL. She is the adult version of Bill Mumy's character in the Twilight Zone "It's a Good Life" and Rhoda in "The Bad Seed". I've heard horror stories from the elderly relatives who witnessed innumerable episodes from when she and my DH were children and although their parents would actually see the behavior (in front of so many other relatives in friends no less) did NOTHING to address the bad behavior. Yes, I'm veering a little off topic, but not much. She holds a full-time job, drives 30 miles each way to work, has an active social life, etc., but because her issues have never been acknowledged aloud let alone addressed with any form of cognitive therapy or life skills, she's a real as a adult. Things have changed a smidge since we moved in to help their elderly Dad, but only because I treat her as an adult and expect her to behave as one. Their relatives are amazed at how NOT a helpless victim she has made herself out to be all these decades.
Too late to make a long story short, but for cornsake, aren't some people selling children short by NOT expecting them to behave (when they can) as a member of society? Extreme cases apart, sometimes when you expect more of a child, they not only reach, but excel.
Everyone here for decades was scared to expect decent behavior from SIL, so she responded like any other animal: she did what she did because she could get away with it because
nothing more was expected from her.
There are unintended and undesirable consequences when adults "don't want to hurt little Nancy's feelings" or "Nancy won't like that" by guiding them with social skills or behavior that will help them get along in life. This affects not only the child with mental/social/physical disabilities of varying degrees, but the siblings, the schoolmates, and sometimes society at large.
Most kids don't want to be treated differently despite having different skill levels. SIL demands to be treated not only as unencumbered by any difficulties, but sees herself as superior to others and treats others (and us) as such.
Her parents screwed her out of basic, necessary life and social skills and since he's 90 and in ill health, she's screwed again with no plans for her life afterwards.
I realize this is long and of no interest to most, but it's a real life, real time example of what can happen when the bar is set much too low for children.
All of my wordvomit is to be understood that I'm fully aware of different levels and different kinds of disabilities. Just saying... we don't know all aspects of what's going on in other people's lives and it's easy to judge.
