2010.06.19 ~ Kyron Horman's Blended Family

[cmsg2002]

I think a reasonable explanation for this may be due to the age of her oldest son, and him maybe wanting to get to know his real father. Also, who's to say that this son may not have been acting up, getting into trouble, etc. and that those involved thought it would be in this boy's best interests to live with the grandparents and then with his father. I understand why people may think this is "odd" but I learned that there is not a skeleton in every closet even though we may think there is.

 

[cmsg2002]

(Respectfully) When my tax dollars have to pay for many additional law enforcement workers, welfare payments, psychiatric inpatient and outpatient care, social workers, special education, prisons, and etc... for children/adults that might have been mentally, physically or emotionally injured by "unhealthy blending"/unhealthy families, I have every right to judge. I am taxed to pay for some of the damage.

I don't think "blended" families should be stereotyped or pigeonholed as automatically dysfunctional. There are plenty of intact "nuclear" families that would fit that bill too. What about perfectly "normal" families whose members may require some of the services referenced above?

 

[Kentjbkent]

As more and more details come out about the creation of this blended family from the time of Kyron's birth, the more I am beginning to suspect that that key to exactly what happened and who is involved, lies here....

Almost sounds like what originated as a friendship between two women became much more involved and now involves more of a power struggle...

IF Desiree eventually recovered well enough after her trip to Canada for treatment and desired regaining custody of Kyron, wouldn't she have to have had cause to bring a change of custody issue before the courts?

I would imagine that in order to have a family court judge consider reopening a custody agreement, he would require just cause? And would regaining her health be enough for a judge to consider removing Kyron from a stable home life with his bio father?

This is one scenario that is a possibility, and one that Desiree may not anticipate when she originally agreed to give Kaine primary physical custody before leaving the country for treatment...and very well may be a source of the tremendous guilt everyone is speculating on...

 

[Pensfan]

I don't think "blended" families should be stereotyped or pigeonholed as automatically dysfunctional. There are plenty of intact "nuclear" families that would fit that bill too. What about perfectly "normal" families whose members may require some of the services referenced above?

Please reread the earlier posts, especially #6. This is the post where I stated:

There are lots of happy, blended families, but I don't think this would be one.

I think these two moms could have started their blended family with anger (you are living with my ex???) and distrust (you, my supposed friend, are living with my ex??)"

 

[Kentjbkent]

I had a Mustang when my oldest daughter was born (8 years ago). Two months of lifting a rear facing infant seat in and out was enough for me. I find it interesting that somebody with a small child (and presumably trying for another) would buy a Mustang.

Perhaps you should change "Mustang" to "small, two door vehicle"...

:woohoo:

 

[Kentjbkent]

I don't think "blended" families should be stereotyped or pigeonholed as automatically dysfunctional. There are plenty of intact "nuclear" families that would fit that bill too. What about perfectly "normal" families whose members may require some of the services referenced above?

Just an FYI.....

This thread is specifically about THIS blended family.....not blended families in general. That thread is in the Jury Room....

 

[Donjeta]

I think a reasonable explanation for this may be due to the age of her oldest son, and him maybe wanting to get to know his real father. Also, who's to say that this son may not have been acting up, getting into trouble, etc. and that those involved thought it would be in this boy's best interests to live with the grandparents and then with his father. I understand why people may think this is "odd" but I learned that there is not a skeleton in every closet even though we may think there is.

Going by this article the boy knew his father because he visited once a month but of course there may have been mutual desire to know each other better.

 

[pufnstuf]

I have had a lot of single guy friends that I've been very very close to, though not intimate with, and I really can't even imagine myself giving up a career to go live with a man and take care of his infant son if the relationship was platonic at the beginning. I'm sure that Beaverton has daycares... I would guess that Intel may even have a daycare on the Jones Farm Campus... regardless, daycare or a daytime sitter at home would make sense. That's what most working single parents do. Moving a friend of your wife's into the house when the baby is 3 days old (I suspect earlier, actually) does not make sense.

A teacher leaving a full-time teaching job to move into the house to raise another woman's baby does not make sense. Leaving insurance and benefits to be a babysitter? Doesn't make sense. Giving up a new career to raise a baby for a friend? Nope... just doesn't make sense. Lugging your eight year old son along into this new home where you're going to raise someone else's baby? Are you kidding me? WHO does this kind of stuff?

My conclusion is that the relationship with Terri and Kaine wasn't as innocent at the beginning as the article's informant opined.

 

[glorybug]

From what I understood, that is not what happened at all.
What I read from the family was that biomom had most of the custody for about 2 years until she had kidney failure and had to get treatment in Canada. Her best friend still lived near her ex, and she asked the SM to move in as a caretaker for Kyron while the biodad worked. They were already divorced, and there is not one statement that says it was not amicable, nor that biomom was stabbed in the back- she ASKED her friend to do it, so she obviously did not care, and after a couple of years, she remarried, so why would she care?

I don't like friends who steal people's spouses any more than the next person, but the family has pretty much said this is NOT the case. I set my ex-husband up with my best friend years after our divorce. I knew they'd get along. Not everyone is mean and spiteful about their exes.

Until the family themselves say unkind things about each other, I am not going to let stereotyped ideas about families, or how people should react under grief influence my ponderance of the facts.

It is not a "blended" family when your good friend moves in with your ex-husband immediately after your marriage has dissolved and becomes his lover. This is called something else that I can't type here. LOL
http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/06/kyron_hormans_blended_family_f.html

Will it blend smoothly? HE** NO!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg1ckCkm8YI

 

[KariKae]

Perhaps you should change "Mustang" to "small, two door vehicle"...

:woohoo:

Done :innocent:

 

[pufnstuf]

From what I understood, that is not what happened at all.
What I read from the family was that biomom had most of the custody for about 2 years until she had kidney failure and had to get treatment in Canada. Her best friend still lived near her ex, and she asked the SM to move in as a caretaker for Kyron while the biodad worked. They were already divorced, and there is not one statement that says it was not amicable, nor that biomom was stabbed in the back- she ASKED her friend to do it, so she obviously did not care, and after a couple of years, she remarried, so why would she care?

I don't like friends who steal people's spouses any more than the next person, but the family has pretty much said this is NOT the case. I set my ex-husband up with my best friend years after our divorce. I knew they'd get along. Not everyone is mean and spiteful about their exes.

Until the family themselves say unkind things about each other, I am not going to let stereotyped ideas about families, or how people should react under grief influence my ponderance of the facts.

I wonder who the source for that info was. If it was Carol Moulton, then I wonder why she changed the timeline from what she originally said:

Carol Moulton said that Kaine, 36, and Terri, 40, have been together for seven or eight years and that they have been married for four or five years.

Together for seven or eight years would put them "together" while either Desiree was pregnant with Kyron or Kyron was very young.

http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/06/details_emerge_about_the_day_k.html

 

[glorybug]

I don't recall hearing that SM moved into biomom's house when Kyron was 3 days old. In fact, I recall that biomom and biodad were not even together at that point. The reference was that SM was in Kyron's LIFE since he was 3 days old. That seems logical, since biomom and SM were best friends then.

I had a best friend who took care of me when I had medical malpractive after my 2nd son. She moved in with me, and was at the hospital for his birth. She can say she was in his life since BEFORE he was born, since she helped me with the pregnancy as well.

I set her up with my first husband, and they moved out of town. Sad, because I would have preferred to have had her around for childcare than the bad places I had the misfortune to use. And, yes, I would have paid her- it would have been worth it. I consider her family.

So, let's clear that up. Biomom did not move SM into biodad's house when Kyron was 3 days old (they weren't even living together then), nor is there any implication from the family that any affair thing started earlier. I don't understand why it's so hard to understand.

I have had a lot of single guy friends that I've been very very close to, though not intimate with, and I really can't even imagine myself giving up a career to go live with a man and take care of his infant son if the relationship was platonic at the beginning. I'm sure that Beaverton has daycares... I would guess that Intel may even have a daycare on the Jones Farm Campus... regardless, daycare or a daytime sitter at home would make sense. That's what most working single parents do. Moving a friend of your wife's into the house when the baby is 3 days old (I suspect earlier, actually) does not make sense.

A teacher leaving a full-time teaching job to move into the house to raise another woman's baby does not make sense. Leaving insurance and benefits to be a babysitter? Doesn't make sense. Giving up a new career to raise a baby for a friend? Nope... just doesn't make sense. Lugging your eight year old son along into this new home where you're going to raise a baby? Are you kidding me? WHO does this kind of stuff?

My conclusion is that the relationship with Terri and Kaine wasn't as innocent at the beginning as the article's informant opined.

 

[pufnstuf]

I don't recall hearing that SM moved into biomom's house when Kyron was 3 days old. In fact, I recall that biomom and biodad were not even together at that point. The reference was that SM was in Kyron's LIFE since he was 3 days old. That seems logical, since biomom and SM were best friends then.

I had a best friend who took care of me when I had medical malpractive after my 2nd son. She moved in with me, and was at the hospital for his birth. She can say she was in his life since BEFORE he was born, since she helped me with the pregnancy as well.

I set her up with my first husband, and they moved out of town. Sad, because I would have preferred to have had her around for childcare than the bad places I had the misfortune to use. And, yes, I would have paid her- it would have been worth it. I consider her family.

So, let's clear that up. Biomom did not move SM into biodad's house when Kyron was 3 days old (they weren't even living together then), nor is there any implication from the family that any affair thing started earlier. I don't understand why it's so hard to understand.

Where's your documented proof of that? Carol Moulton said in an earlier article that they've been together for seven or eight years.

http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/06/details_emerge_about_the_day_k.html

 

[glorybug]

And, if this whole thing turns out differently than many people assume, they will have received exactly the SAME kind of search and rescue that anyone, including myself would expect from our tax dollars if it happened to us. At that point, having a blended family will be of no importance whatsoever. I, for one, can't wait for that day.

Do you suppose that the Horman family paid for the largest search and rescue effort to have ever occurred in the USA?

Therefore, we know that the Hormon family has used tax dollars to help with the result of their/or a member of their family's "issues"..... which happened to be blended, but they could have been non-blended. ( I, along with most people, am very happy that tax dollars are used to search for the missing.)

 

[grandmaj]

Who has a link that Kyron was 3 days old when TH moved in?

 

[Pensfan]

From what I understood, that is not what happened at all.
What I read from the family was that biomom had most of the custody for about 2 years until she had kidney failure and had to get treatment in Canada. Her best friend still lived near her ex, and she asked the SM to move in as a caretaker for Kyron while the biodad worked. They were already divorced, and there is not one statement that says it was not amicable, nor that biomom was stabbed in the back- she ASKED her friend to do it, so she obviously did not care, and after a couple of years, she remarried, so why would she care?

I don't like friends who steal people's spouses any more than the next person, but the family has pretty much said this is NOT the case. I set my ex-husband up with my best friend years after our divorce. I knew they'd get along. Not everyone is mean and spiteful about their exes.

Until the family themselves say unkind things about each other, I am not going to let stereotyped ideas about families, or how people should react under grief influence my ponderance of the facts.

But Terri didn't stay home to be the babysitter. She began competitive body building. To begin to successfully compete in this "sport", one needs approx 4-6 hours/day each day of various work outs and a good trainer.
http://theportlander.com/2010/06/08/police-give-subtle-clues-in-kyron-horman-disappearance/
http://www.twixpix.com/emeraldcup/05/twx_EC05Intro_14.html

 

[Pensfan]

Who has a link that Kyron was 3 days old when TH moved in?

http://primewriter.com/news-1246-headlines/?p=7584

 

[pufnstuf]

Who has a link that Kyron was 3 days old when TH moved in?

I think it's a common sense thing.

You can't teach all day and support yourself if you're raising someone else's baby. There is a difference in "Terri babysat Kyron from infancy" and "Terri RAISED Kyron since infancy."

But here's what Carol Moulton said:

"Terri has raised Kyron," her mother said. "She's been with him since he was an infant. She's as much of a mom as the mom is because the parents had separated about the time that Kyron was born."

She doesn't say that Terri babysat Kyron. She says that she RAISED Kyron. How does one raise a baby if one does not live with said baby?

http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/06/details_emerge_about_the_day_k.html

 

[Curious Me]

I have had a lot of single guy friends that I've been very very close to, though not intimate with, and I really can't even imagine myself giving up a career to go live with a man and take care of his infant son if the relationship was platonic at the beginning. I'm sure that Beaverton has daycares... I would guess that Intel may even have a daycare on the Jones Farm Campus... regardless, daycare or a daytime sitter at home would make sense. That's what most working single parents do. Moving a friend of your wife's into the house when the baby is 3 days old (I suspect earlier, actually) does not make sense.

A teacher leaving a full-time teaching job to move into the house to raise another woman's baby does not make sense. Leaving insurance and benefits to be a babysitter? Doesn't make sense. Giving up a new career to raise a baby for a friend? Nope... just doesn't make sense. Lugging your eight year old son along into this new home where you're going to raise someone else's baby? Are you kidding me? WHO does this kind of stuff?

My conclusion is that the relationship with Terri and Kaine wasn't as innocent at the beginning as the article's informant opined.

I agree, the article answers some questions, but seems to rewrite some of the history. Makes no sense that TMH would just go live over there with her friend's husband to help out her friend. Come on, Author of Article, we aren't that dumb or naive!

This particular "Blended Family article" did more harm than good in it's explaining how "blended" came about. It's slanted, and it tries to explain away big emotional issues we know are there when couples are forced to blend for the sake of children.

Personally, I didn't see the "blended" when they were all standing together. I think there's more story to come, JMO.

 

[glorybug]

But, that is just assuming that because the biomom 'got better', that she would just have to go to court, and they'd just hand all custody over to her. It does NOT work like that in the courts. Mothers do not automatically get custody just because they feel better or want it. No, the court will not remove a child from the home of ONE of the biological parents where they appear to be doing well just because the other one wants full custody. More likely that they would assign 50/50 legal custody with a physical custody that allows the child to stay in the home/school they are used to. If you live in town with that child, you may be able to pull off a full 50/50 time share, but if you live out of state, your time share is not going to be 50/50, and it really means NOTHING about you as a parent.

As more and more details come out about the creation of this blended family from the time of Kyron's birth, the more I am beginning to suspect that that key to exactly what happened and who is involved, lies here....

Almost sounds like what originated as a friendship between two women became much more involved and now involves more of a power struggle...

IF Desiree eventually recovered well enough after her trip to Canada for treatment and desired regaining custody of Kyron, wouldn't she have to have had cause to bring a change of custody issue before the courts?

I would imagine that in order to have a family court judge consider reopening a custody agreement, he would require just cause? And would regaining her health be enough for a judge to consider removing Kyron from a stable home life with his bio father?

This is one scenario that is a possibility, and one that Desiree may not anticipate when she originally agreed to give Kaine primary physical custody before leaving the country for treatment...and very well may be a source of the tremendous guilt everyone is speculating on...