Angels or savages - who would have children?

[southcitymom]

i love your post. you are 100% right that there is nothing wrong with not having kids. my problem with mom A is she has them.

But Mom A is being honest. I'm sure that she loves her kids. She's just saying if she had it to do over again, she might not - it's not worth it.

I am one of those people who don't think you can really be prepared for how deeply motherhood changes you until you are actually a mother. There's no trial run.

Some people know they want kids and think they'll be a Mom B, but then they have kids and realize they're not. Some people know they don't want kids.

But many are like me. I didn't have strong feelings one way or another - I could envision a rich happy life with kids and a rich happy life without kids - and DH and I decided to leave it in God's hands and - wham, I'm pregnant within a month! And there are days when I feel like Mom A and days when I feel like Mom B.

 

[Autumn2004]

i love your post. you are 100% right that there is nothing wrong with not having kids. my problem with mom A is she has them.

Thanks I agree its sad she does have kids. I know a few in my family who should not be parents, they did it because it was that age and they thought they were cute. That is not the reason to be parents! They change your life so much you need to be ready for it if you dont you may resent them and I cant imagine growing up in a household with a parent that resents you always and wishes they didnt have you. I can see feeling that way in frustration once in a while but mom A sounds like its on a daily basis.

 

[sherri79]

But Mom A is being honest. I'm sure that she loves her kids. She's just saying if she had it to do over again, she might not - it's not worth it.

I am one of those people who don't think you can really be prepared for how deeply motherhood changes you until you are actually a mother. There's no trial run.

Some people know they want kids and think they'll be a Mom B, but then they have kids and realize they're not. Some people know they don't want kids.

But many are like me. I didn't have a strong feelings one way or another - I could envision a rich happy life with kids and a rich happy life without kids - and DH and I decided to leave it in God's hands and - wham, I'm pregnant within a month! And there are days when I feel like Mom A and days when I feel like Mom B.

just because someone is honest does not make what they have to say worth while. if you dont want kids great. my brother never wanted kids, never had any, hopes to keep it that way. i totally support him.

mom A had kids. she decided to keep them her choice. she says... they are just walking problems, aren't worth the hassle,they're little savages,Sometimes a slap is the only way to explain something to a child.

it is not her complaining about how hard it is to be a parent that bothers me. it is hard and we all complain. her anger towards her kids bothers me. if you dont want kids dont have them. enough of us breed as it is i am sure the human race will survive. once you have them dont hurt them. you may regret it but why make them know you wish they were never born???

 

[Autumn2004]

just because someone is honest does not make what they have to say worth while. if you dont want kids great. my brother never wanted kids, never had any, hopes to keep it that way. i totally support him.

mom A had kids. she decided to keep them her choice. she says... they are just walking problems, aren't worth the hassle,they're little savages,Sometimes a slap is the only way to explain something to a child.

it is not her complaining about how hard it is to be a parent that bothers me. it is hard and we all complain. her anger towards her kids bothers me. if you dont want kids dont have them. enough of us breed as it is i am sure the human race will survive. once you have them dont hurt them. you may regret it but why make them know you wish they were never born???

Wow I didnt read the article fully that is horrid to say about a kid


I wouldnt call my daughter a savage either alot of adults act worse than she does.

 

[Taximom]

Wow I didnt read the article fully that is horrid to say about a kid


I wouldnt call my daughter a savage either alot of adults act worse than she does.

It makes me wonder what her kids think of themselves if she tells them that.

 

[Autumn2004]

It makes me wonder what her kids think of themselves if she tells them that.

You can tell they will be in therapy in the future, it would be impossible to have a good self esteem coming from that.

 

[jubie]

It makes me wonder what her kids think of themselves if she tells them that.

That's the first thing I thought when I read the article. Good grief, her children are only ten and thirteen, can you imagine how they feel?


Can you imagine the things they'll hear children at school say about them.

How cruel can you get.

Jubie

 

[Amraann]

I think we all can sympathize with frustrations in parenting but mom A takes it to a new level IMO.

She genuinely comes across as someone who does not like children. Very Sad for her children.
TO be totally honest she simply strikes me a miserable person and is probably like that in many aspects of her life ... She would not have been happy without children either. She would have found something negative and miserable eitherway.

 

[southcitymom]

..... her anger towards her kids bothers me...

Okay, I get your point.

Lots of the things she says - I would say to my close mommy friends on a rough day, but I would never say them to my kids or write them down in something as public as a book that my kids could one day read. I would never want my kids to think that the sum of my Mommy experiences is negative - they could only take that personally.

 

[Amraann]

Okay, I get your point.

Lots of the things she says - I would say to my close mommy friends on a rough day, but I would never say them to my kids or write them down in something as public as a book that my kids could one day read. I would never want my kids to think that the sum of my Mommy experiences is negative - they could only take that personally.

I am sure this women sends out that the sum total of her mommy experience is negative to her children every single day with her behavior towards them.

I am guessing that when they are grown that none of her statements in this book will come as a huge surprise..

Can you imagine being the man married to this witch?

 

[sherri79]

I am sure this women sends out that the sum total of her mommy experience is negative to her children every single day with her behavior towards them.

I am guessing that when they are grown that none of her statements in this book will come as a huge surprise..

Can you imagine being the man married to this witch?

did she ever stop to think the problem with her sex life is not the kids but her?

 

[southcitymom]

did she ever stop to think the problem with her sex life is not the kids but her?

There is definitely an undercurrent of resentment in her words. She made the choice to have kids and it is not working out for her. She wishes she had made a different choice.

While, as I have pointed out, I definitely understand the feelings of "Oh no - this isn't what I bargained for - have I made a mistake - where has my freedom gone," these are not feelings that should ever be presented to a child.

Once you become a parent, I believe you have a moral and spiritual obligation to work through any struggles or resentments you might have about your role as parent with other supportive adults. To spew constant resentment and bitterness at your children for being children is emotionally abusive.

We all know that children don't "get" what we do for them - the sacrifices we might make, etc... - in order for them to learn to become happy, loving, productive members of the world. This is the nature of childhood. I didn't really get what my parents did for me until I became a mother myself.

Like Sherri, I don't mind that Mom A feels the way she feels. But I believe she does damage to her children by publishing such feelings in a book.

 

[Amraann]

did she ever stop to think the problem with her sex life is not the kids but her?

I have the feeling she would have problems in every aspect of life with or without children.

 

[Amraann]

BTW I happen to enjoy zoo's on the weekend.
I have even taken my children to museums and they have behaved just fine.

This women clearly made no effort to parent her children .. It was all about the work involved none of the joy.
Obviously she is a selfish and self absorbed.

 

[Taximom]

If writing runs in the family I'm sure the children will be writing their own "Mommie Dearest" books when they get older!

It would be good therapy.

 

[Amraann]

If writing runs in the family I'm sure the children will be writing their own "Mommie Dearest" books when they get older!

It would be good therapy.

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nice post Taximom!!!!

 

[lisag]

The things Mom A says about her children are horrid!!

While my 4 children may cause me some major stress somedays, I could never even THINK of them as little "savages" or "walking problems".
The message she is sending to her children is terrible.. I feel sad for her children...

 

[sillygoose]

I have the feeling she would have problems in every aspect of life with or without children.

I agree. A miserable person is miserable no matter what their circumstances in life are. My kids can drive me nuts sometimes, but I really don't know what I would do without them. I hope and pray I never find out. I know my kids will grow up and move away from me someday but you know what I mean. My kids are a blessing to me. The times that I have wondered if I should have had kids in the first place had nothing to do with what my kids were doing. It had to do with the way I was handling the situation. I have wondered if I am adequate enough to be a mom. This lady is saying her kids aren't adequate enough to be her kids. That's ridiculous. She's the one with the problem. Not them.