I agree with all of the above posts as to theory. I've become quite fascinated with their sex life- the alleged swinging and/or cheating. I don't like to generalize but I am interested in patterns. I know the backstory of a 'swinging' married couple quite intimately, on both sides, because they are family.
It was the late 60's- early 70's and the couple married and agreed to have an open marriage- they were also very young- 18 and 19 respectively. It went well for the man (who happens to also be a narcissist) but not for the woman. I don't think it has so much to do with gender but I know that the wife in the marriage couldn't quite take it, was actually very jealous (I would be too) and then she herself would swing as a form of retaliation (not understood even today by her personally but when you listen to her stories it is quite evident to the listeners). She had no way to know when she agreed how it would effect her and how adept and happy her husband would be at doing it. What a perfect storm for trouble- depending on your constitution.
In my estimation they had a form of codependent relationship but that is neither here nor there but to listen to her, all these many years later, she brands him a sociopathic cheater of sorts never revealing (to most people) that she initially agreed to it and it wasn't "cheating" in the usual sense, at all. She makes him look like a real cheating
when that wasn't the case at all- she agreed to and participated in it herself.
Anyway, i think you have to have a real strong sense of yourself to thrive as a couple who are committed in every other way to maintain a relationship of open sexuality with other partners who also as time passes may become chosen for youth and beauty while you yourself might be losing your own.. If a deep emotional connection happens within an outside swinging relationship it seems it can then become rather debilitating to the left out partner.
If either party 'pretends' they are okay with the arrangement- when in fact they aren't- it becomes a recipee for disaster. Intense rage, jealousy and insecurity can bubble up and depending on the persons personality (healthy vs disordered) I can kind of see where these circumstances could lead someone to go off the rails.
I'm saying all of this because in one of MS text messages to TS (sorry, I don't have the bates numbers but others may remember this exchange too) Marks reaction to TS (supposedly) desire to be with a man (the masseuse was leading up to this, I think) and he writes (approximately) " YOUR pu**y is MY pu**y"! Well, it stood out me like a flashing red flare on a roadside signaling a terrible accident. HE was jealous and wanted to control her HIS jealousy was inflamed by HIS OWN CHEATING behavior, as is often the case with cheaters- they think everyone is cheating like they themselves are- so if he was beginning to feel feelings for another woman he would place those same feelings and thoughts (however untrue) onto Theresa.
In a twisted form of projection, which I think disordered people often do. If Theresa was threatening (at all) to leave Mark or even if he just suspected it- I think jeslousy and loss of control were the primary motivation and money was the icing on the cake. It was Teresa- not the girls he couldn't stand the thought of losing. The girls just naturally were his narcissistic supply and control mechanism of Theresa- they were secondary to her I have totally come to believe now.
I hope this all makes sense- I'm severely jet lagged and not adjusted to the current time zone. It just really, really stood out to me in those texts.
