Army Mom Refuses Deployment

[STEADFAST]

I really know nothing about military service.
How can you seperate yourself from service, can you just quit or do you sign up with a binding contract for a certain time period?
Thank you.

You do sign an enlistment contract for a certain number of years, but that contract specifies instances that would allow you to separate early -- pregnancy, hardship, admitting you're homosexual, etc.
http://usmilitary.about.com/cs/generalinfo/a/getout.htm

 

[miimaa]

I really know nothing about military service.
How can you seperate yourself from service, can you just quit or do you sign up with a binding contract for a certain time period?
Thank you.

No you can't just quit but there are discharges for medical or hardship reasons (which I think she would have qualified for).

 

[petra]

You do sign an enlistment contract for a certain number of years, but that contract specifies instances that would allow you to separate early -- pregnancy, hardship, admitting you're homosexual, etc.
http://usmilitary.about.com/cs/generalinfo/a/getout.htm

No you can't just quit but there are discharges for medical or hardship reasons (which I think she would have qualified for).

Thanks for your responses.
When I first read this story, I was outraged that the US military would take such a stance. And also reading posts here of putting children in foster care, etc.
Several friends and I discussed this since it was covered on international news, all of us left shaking our heads.

Oh, the joys of the power of the press---:crazy:

Now I know that there is a proper way to approach this situation--NEVER revealed in the news stories I read or saw!! Thanks to my WS friends who clrified this for me.

My heart goes out to all those facing difficult family decisions with deployment.

Just to add, I live in Norway, where the situation is so much different.

 

[6angels]

6angels first let me say thank you for fostering children in need. That is commendable and you deserve a thank you!

I have to say though that you have been misinformed. The military never asks/or tells single parents to leave their children in foster care. I'm sure I can support that by regulation, give me some time.

ty for your compliment.


It Happens. I may not have paperwork to show it but I've seen it with my very own eyes. There is service parents that was told a "foster parent" could watch their child while they was serving and them children WAS adopted by the foster parents as the Bio parents was lied too. I've seen it I HAVE. and no the parents didn't Abuse their children but they was not able to get back to court when they was at War and ended up losing their children.


The state can be a sneaky snake just because they say they are going to help you does not mean they are going too. Your not supossed to be abused by your foster parents either but that happens also.

The state is supossed to alert family members when a child is going to be adopted out but guess what that does not always happen either.

 

[Bree0372]

ty for your compliment.


It Happens. I may not have paperwork to show it but I've seen it with my very own eyes. There is service parents that was told a "foster parent" could watch their child while they was serving and them children WAS adopted by the foster parents as the Bio parents was lied too. I've seen it I HAVE. and no the parents didn't Abuse their children but they was not able to get back to court when they was at War and ended up losing their children.


The state can be a sneaky snake just because they say they are going to help you does not mean they are going too. Your not supossed to be abused by your foster parents either but that happens also.

The state is supossed to alert family members when a child is going to be adopted out but guess what that does not always happen either.

6Angels - what state did this happen in? If I were the bio parents then the State would see me in court. I would sue the heck out of them for an illegal adoption. When the child is in foster care, and the parent is about to lose parental rights, they can have a court appointed attorney (going through this right now with my BIL) or for that fact, the military legal office may assist. I was a foster parent too and I don't think that would happen here - not in my district anyway.

As a military spouse, I think this young woman should be discharged for 'missing movement' just as others have stated. If she doesn't serve her time overseas, then someone else will have to. There may be jobs back in the US that she could do, but she signed up and has an obligation to do her duty; and her duty was overseas.

I have a friend that left yesterday for Iraq and one that leaves on Monday for Afghan (both have families)...I can not have sympathy for this young woman. She had an opportunity to do a Family Plan and it is her obligation to keep it updated. When we lived overseas, I was the person on a few Family Plans (NEO Packet) that stated I would remove the children from the country should family members be evacuated - 1 teenager and 3 little ones I would have taken. When you are in the military, you tend to make friends with other military members (and their families), and you do for them just as you would for your own family (that's been my experience anyway). I don't believe this young woman had no other options, other than her mom. Never - I just don't believe it!

Many times, I've heard that I didn't come in my husband's seabag so I come second to the Navy....as it should be....afterall, he was in the Navy when we married. When we were on sea duty, my husband was sent on a work-up in place of another guy who had a child. His chain of command thought that my husband could handle being away from me more than this other guy could handle being away from his wife and daughter. That p*sses me off - that's saying that his family is more important than mine because he has a child. We have a baby now too and believe me, we get no special treatment.

 

[STEADFAST]

ty for your compliment.


It Happens. I may not have paperwork to show it but I've seen it with my very own eyes. There is service parents that was told a "foster parent" could watch their child while they was serving and them children WAS adopted by the foster parents as the Bio parents was lied too. I've seen it I HAVE. and no the parents didn't Abuse their children but they was not able to get back to court when they was at War and ended up losing their children.


The state can be a sneaky snake just because they say they are going to help you does not mean they are going too. Your not supossed to be abused by your foster parents either but that happens also.

The state is supossed to alert family members when a child is going to be adopted out but guess what that does not always happen either.

I don't see how this could happen since the Soldiers and Sailors Relief Act prohibits civil courts from ruling on actions concerning deployed military.
(That's very simplified, but generally military members have the right not to be adversely affected in court because of their inability to appear at a trial, if it's caused by their military service.)

ETA It's called the "Servicemembers Relief Act" now. Who knew?
Here's an explanation of the judicial proceedings section:

Stay of Proceedings

If the person is in military service or is within 90 days after termination of or release from military service and has received notice of a civil action or proceeding.the court may on its own motion and shall, upon application by the servicemember, stay the action for a period of not less than 90 days.
Stay of Execution

If the person against whom action brought is, or within the last 90 days was, in military service the court may stay the execution of judgments, court actions, attachments and garnishments. If the member requests a stay, it must be granted unless the court finds the member's ability to comply with the order or judgment is not materially affected by military status.
http://www.military.com/benefits/legal-matters/scra/judicial-proceedings

 

[southcitymom]

True situation, my best friend went into the military and had to place HER son in "temp" foster care for 6 weeks until ex came home from military. The child was "accidentally" adopted and the two had to actually FIGHT for their rights back. It was ridiculous. As i said, yes, I do feel for her and I hope what she did was for the right reasons.

Good Lord - that's terrifying!

 

[Angels_Not_Forgotten]

Good Lord - that's terrifying!

Very much so they were offered an apology, an attorney, and people to speak on their behalf concerning the situation. She left the military when her time was up with a sour taste in her mouth the only thing they would/could/know to tell her was, "Something MUST have been wrong with the paperwork". Ya think???

 

[sweetheart29]

I just want to say getting out of the army is not easy. My brother-in-law was discharged from the army for failure to adapt. He was in Iraq when his problems started in January he was sent to Germany for evaluation for 2 month back to Iraq and then finally home to take care of his problem He came home in June. If they had sent him home in January when the problem started he could have stopped it but by June all he could do was clean the mess up. His problem was his wife cheating and had move her abusive druggie boyfriend in to his house. Brother-in-law's daughter was a year old at the time. He was asking to go home and take daughter to his moms the army did not let him. By the time he got home wife had decided to move to a different state so he filed for divorce and custody and won.

 

[cianne]

True situation, my best friend went into the military and had to place HER son in "temp" foster care for 6 weeks until ex came home from military. The child was "accidentally" adopted and the two had to actually FIGHT for their rights back. It was ridiculous. As i said, yes, I do feel for her and I hope what she did was for the right reasons.

... doesn't it take a lot more than six weeks for an adoption to be processed? and would there not have to have been paperwork indicating that the child was being given up? i'm sure the military can pull off some shady stuff if it wants to, but this seems a bit farfetched.

 

[Wendy101]

You do sign an enlistment contract for a certain number of years, but that contract specifies instances that would allow you to separate early -- pregnancy, hardship, admitting you're homosexual, etc.
http://usmilitary.about.com/cs/generalinfo/a/getout.htm

I know absolutley nothing about the Army..

Are you saying that a homosexual can just seperate early from his contract? Pregnancy, hardship, I understand.....but homosexual???

 

[4Kat]

I know absolutley nothing about the Army..

Are you saying that a homosexual can just seperate early from his contract? Pregnancy, hardship, I understand.....but homosexual???

As far as I know, the military still has the "don't ask, don't tell" policy in effect. If a military member admits to being a homosexual, they are out. That goes for male and female.

 

[RainbowsAndGumdrops]

... doesn't it take a lot more than six weeks for an adoption to be processed? and would there not have to have been paperwork indicating that the child was being given up? i'm sure the military can pull off some shady stuff if it wants to, but this seems a bit farfetched.

Thank you for your comments. I wanted to post that yesterday. Has anyone ever heard of an adoption taking place in under 6 weeks? Also, the parents would be the ones doing the paperwork to voluntarily put a child into Foster Care. The Military doesn't have parental rights and can't sign them over to someone else. If this unlikely story is true, it wouldn't be the Military's fault that the parent's did the paperwork wrong.

 

[oh_gal]

Angels, you have a kind and sweet heart. I may not agree with your stance on this issue, but then again, I'm speaking purely as a military wife and mom. So, if I were a judge, I'd have to recuse myself.

 

[STEADFAST]

Thank you for your comments. I wanted to post that yesterday. Has anyone ever heard of an adoption taking place in under 6 weeks? Also, the parents would be the ones doing the paperwork to voluntarily put a child into Foster Care. The Military doesn't have parental rights and can't sign them over to someone else. If this unlikely story is true, it wouldn't be the Military's fault that the parent's did the paperwork wrong.

The people may have gone through a base's legal assistance office. It would be mainly staffed with paralegals, probably both military and civilian, and an attorney or two, most likely civilian. It's possible they might have made some mistake or other on paperwork they helped with.

In a way, the parents could look at it as "the military" causing the problem, but it would be an individual mistake by someone who works on a base, not "The Military" per se. The military attorneys who deal with military legal issues such as courts martial are a whole separate organization. And any commander who might have advised the mother to place the children in foster care would have no ties at all to the legal assistance office, nor would the legal assistance office have anything to do with decisions about deployment or any issue relating to the parents' military service.

The legal assistance office wouldn't inititate anything without the go-ahead of the parents. It's often difficult for people to distinguish between "The Military" and an office located on a base but not necessarily under military jurisdiction. (And, as an aside to others here associated with the military, it's really getting progressively harder to distinguish what's military and what's not with all the civilian workers taking over jobs that used to be performed by soldiers. Go to the PSD office and you're most likely going to get a brand new civilian clerk who's never heard of any military term you use to describe your situation and couldn't care less about doing his/her job. Frustrating!)

 

[Kat]

ty for your compliment.


It Happens. I may not have paperwork to show it but I've seen it with my very own eyes. There is service parents that was told a "foster parent" could watch their child while they was serving and them children WAS adopted by the foster parents as the Bio parents was lied too. I've seen it I HAVE. and no the parents didn't Abuse their children but they was not able to get back to court when they was at War and ended up losing their children.


The state can be a sneaky snake just because they say they are going to help you does not mean they are going too. Your not supossed to be abused by your foster parents either but that happens also.

The state is supossed to alert family members when a child is going to be adopted out but guess what that does not always happen either.

6angles my compliment came from the bottom of my heart. I hope that you know that was truly sincere.

 

[6angels]

http://www.momlogic.com/2009/11/sol...soldier_mom_refuses_to_deploy_sphere_momlogic

http://www.momlogic.com/2009/11/sol...soldier_mom_refuses_to_deploy_sphere_momlogic
I guess I missed this in the thread. the baby was actully taken away and put into foster care? Grandma has the child now and mom was arrested. I just think that is wrong.

 

[6angels]

6angles my compliment came from the bottom of my heart. I hope that you know that was truly sincere.

Thank you. I'd do it again in a second and will try to once our 6 are grown. if I was allowed to and able I'd adopt every single child out there that needed a safe and loving home.

 

[6angels]

Thank you for your comments. I wanted to post that yesterday. Has anyone ever heard of an adoption taking place in under 6 weeks? Also, the parents would be the ones doing the paperwork to voluntarily put a child into Foster Care. The Military doesn't have parental rights and can't sign them over to someone else. If this unlikely story is true, it wouldn't be the Military's fault that the parent's did the paperwork wrong.

A Foster care adoption can NOT happen in 6 weeks but they can happen and the parents not stop it. It happens all the time. Now TPR can happen on the parents and the children can be placed into a Adoptive home but the adoption part would not happen for months.


I did not come back and post details of cases I know of as it would be illegal for me to do so. all I can say is I do know of adoptions that happened that involved single military parents that had their children taken or was talked into putting their children into foster care so they could serve their country. They was told their children would be taken care of and they could get their children back when they got back but they never got their children back as they had missed court dates ( when they was over seas) . The state does not always tell the Judge the truth and once the parents was back it was to late the children was adopted out and files closed and sealed.

I should also mention this is one of the things they like to tell Foster children that aged out of the system, they know they have no bio family to help and they make them believe they can place their children with trained foster parents while they are away and get them back when they get home sadly it is just not always the case. Often times them Foster children ( now adults) will feel helpless and like they HAVE to let the state do whatever the state feels as they have not been raised correctly and feel hopeless and like they are all alone.

gosh I can't tell you how many Foster children join the service thinking it will give them a ready made famiy( the service being their family) only to find out that is not always true. Having a child is not always planned and the Foster Adult is left feeling hopeless and alone all over again. It's just all really sad.

On the same note a lot of Foster Adults have found the service to be their ready made family and the service has given them something they have always wanted a family and a place to belong. Unfortunally the system is not perfect and it DOES mess up and sometimes it messes up in ways that ruin people's lives. We need to fix the systems starting with out Foster Care systems and yes even our Military has things it needs to fix.

There needs to be suporit in place for those that have no family where they CAN still serve in the service not everyone is as lucky to have a extended family or friends that would take their children but like I said before.... going over seas is not the only way to serve the USA.


I know I go on and on about Foster Adults( children that aged out) but REALLY most have NO family and their past abuse that was done to them should not SHOULD NOT come into play when you make a choice to serve in the service. It is like a slap in the face. Sorry you can serve in the Military but you can't have a baby because you have no family because you was just a foster child with no family.

I am not saying this is what happened with this young lady. I have no idea what happened I am just showing or saying that I think there should be some things changed.


Much love to you all.

 

[Lyn1001]

http://www.momlogic.com/2009/11/sol...soldier_mom_refuses_to_deploy_sphere_momlogic

http://www.momlogic.com/2009/11/sol...soldier_mom_refuses_to_deploy_sphere_momlogic
I guess I missed this in the thread. the baby was actully taken away and put into foster care? Grandma has the child now and mom was arrested. I just think that is wrong.

The last comment in that link is an interesting one. The person claims to be in this woman's unit.