I wonder if MM thought Monique initiated the revival of the divorce?
I, too, was thinking if MDM, already being off-kilter, interpreted it wrong, like “she wants more money”, or such.
I once heard a respected minister say, “Forgiveness is not reconciliation, or forgive and forget.”
I think forgiveness is more about accepting the truth of what happened and taking steps to protect ourselves in the future.
It does not mean going back to how things were; that would be foolishness.
As per
@Charlot123 above, who changed how she dealt with the theft of money from trusted people.
Then perhaps we have to use the word “acceptance”?
- accepting that no one is perfect
- accepting that this form of relationship, be it business or personal, doesn’t work anymore
- either evaluating your own contribution to the problem/conflict (when I don’t know I assume my part is 50% and try to understand what I should change)
- or, if you are totally unaware, just accept that you can not change the past and mentally staying there “drags” problems back into your life
- if you still go there, because we are all humans, say “I can’t change the past, period. Gone!”
The exercise of “mentally walking away and forward” is important but everyone can develop his own
But “forgiveness” like Christ’s one I fail to achieve. I must admit it. His was “forgiveness from the heart”. Total acceptance of people being imperfect.
Mine would be more logical “protection from the stress”, but deep inside, I still can admit, “hey, but in this situation, that person was still an a@@@ole; we are just past this”.
I guess humor helps… lots of situations are ironic. If you are able to see the sheer irony that is present in many life circumstances then it is easier.
But either way, you have to see the other person’s perspective. Admit that they might have the reason to see it differently. Either negotiate with them or let it go.
MDM’s problem was rigid “inability to walk outside his head”. His world was the only right one. This is why it culminated in a tragedy.
The same is true for Valente. It may be unsurprising that they both were the only kids. Adoption I think plays less of a role. But “the only child, the perfect child” is quite a complex. People like this have to learn, much later, that there are other people around them. But learn they can.
ETA:
@windrower, that woman’s stealing money from dad’s credit card was confirmed by the bank that had her on the video. She confided. So I had enough reasons to open a court case. But here is where my feeling of karma kicked in. “Do I want her to end up in jail?” (It was in another country so she would not have it easy). But before I made the decision, I asked dad. And he said, “she does take excellent care of me”. So we discussed what trinkets we could “afford to lose” to someone’s sticky hands. Dad “gifted” me all that cost money and to the rest, who cares?
She provided excellent care for all the time of his life. He never had COVID. Or even flu.
