Britney Tongel and Bullying

[mommy23]

I wish more schools would do this...What better wake up call for a bully than to be transferred somewhere where he/she will have to deal with being the bully? I really like that idea because it's also a natural consequence of their behavior which is at the core of positive behavioral intervention.

Unfortunately, as you quoted "proven", I think you're alluding to the fact that it can be "overlooked" more often than not...That is the crux of the matter, IMO...

BBM

Exactly, it has to be documented, have witnesses, etc... I have yet to know of an actual problem that they have addressed in this manner, I just know it is written in the school policies. But I am leary of the proven part, often people won't step foward as a witness IMO. If I ever hear of it happening, I will watch how the school district follows their own policy. I love the idea of it, but I need to see it work. I guess maybe it is working, because our schools never make the news in a bad way, very few drug issues, troubled kids etc. Maybe it is just the area that we live

 

[mommy23]

Now I understand why it was being asked if Britney was a celebrity..... Its in the celebrity news area... hmmmm Mods??

 

[nosysw]

Oh my gosh! I guess I did that somehow...I have no idea of how that happened. I thought it was in the children's forum. Mods- can you fix my mess up??? (sorry!)

 

[tlcya]

As to Brit, I think this girl had already had some hardship in life, given she was living with fosters. She was relatively new to town, new to the school and coming from whatever circumstances led her into foster care. She was beautiful and a cheerleader apparently as well. Unfoturnately that was enough to put her high on the radar of insecure, bullying jerks who found a perfect new and vulnerable target for their carp.

I shake my head every time I read about this cyber bullying. Where are all the parents?? Are these bullies' parents aware of the filth their children spew at one another over the world wide web? Do they think this is normal behavior? IDK, maybe lately it is normal behavior from teens. If that is true it is so disturbing I do not even know what to say to that. Are these parents just blissfully unaware that they are raising these little monsters? How do we get through to people that this must stop?

Self esteem does not come from knocking others down. Self worth does not come from who is the prettiest, most popular, most acerbic, most flip, hurtful person. Why do our children not know this?

PARENTING FAIL on and EPIC SCALE. I am afraid. Who is this next generation we are raising? Who do these parents think are going to take care of them when they are old and failing in health? Their bullybrats? Good luck with that.

 

[nosysw]

Bullybrats! Good term.

My good friend has three girls close in age to my 3 boys. She had a party for one of them and when I went to pick up my boys she was telling me that her daughter had been in tears because one of the girls kept saying the party was "so lame" and was texting other friends the whole time and even texted her mother to pick her up. I couldn't believe it. My friend didn't know if she would cry or kill the girl (she was closer to tears, I can tell you).

Most of the children were uncomfortable but, of course, there were a few who joined in with her...My friend had to literally bribe her into an activity so that the whole party wouldn't be ruined for her daughter.

And then she just had no idea how to approach the other parent. Cause like you said, the parents can be so oblivious. And almost all seem to immediately get defensive if you say something to them. But it's this sense of entitlement. I grew up here and it was always pretty bad...now, it's completely out of hand. It makes me sick, it really does.

 

[tlcya]

What IS that sense of entitlement? Where the he77 does that COME from? If I had behaved like that at someones party, you can bet your bippy, I would have been pulled aside, my mother called, and once clued in to my behavior, I would be scolded by my own mother and the other mothers would all have heard about it, next thing you know - I would have been persona non grata at any of the other girls' parties. Not that I would ever have behaved so - BECAUSE I KNEW BETTER!

We have become a society so convinced that shame is a BAD word, a BAD thing, that we have raised up children who have NONE. There is nothing wrong with shame if it was earned. Everyone is so dang concerned with making sure little Johnny or little Jennifer feels good about themselves 24/7. Well you know what? No child should feel good about themselves every minute of every day. If a child behaves badly or treats others poorly, a healthy does of shame is EXACTLY what the doctor ordered.

Sometimes I just want to shake parents. Hard.

 

[mommy23]

What IS that sense of entitlement? Where the he77 does that COME from? If I had behaved like that at someones party, you can bet your bippy, I would have been pulled aside, my mother called, and once clued in to my behavior, I would be scolded by my own mother and the other mothers would all have heard about it, next thing you know - I would have been persona non grata at any of the other girls' parties. Not that I would ever have behaved so - BECAUSE I KNEW BETTER!

We have become a society so convinced that shame is a BAD word, a BAD thing, that we have raised up children who have NONE. There is nothing wrong with shame if it was earned. Everyone is so dang concerned with making sure little Johnny or little Jennifer feels good about themselves 24/7. Well you know what? No child should feel good about themselves every minute of every day. If a child behaves badly or treats others poorly, a healthy does of shame is EXACTLY what the doctor ordered.

Sometimes I just want to shake parents. Hard.

You hit the nail on the head.... It's the way society has changed and kids are being raised very differently. Hell, I was raised that way, my mom was so concerned with "upsetting" me, that I was able to do whatever I wanted! Thankfully something is natural in me, or I learned by example from my giant family, I turned out ok It's called respect, and somehow most of our society has lost it. :banghead:

 

[nosysw]

You hit the nail on the head.... It's the way society has changed and kids are being raised very differently. Hell, I was raised that way, my mom was so concerned with "upsetting" me, that I was able to do whatever I wanted! Thankfully something is natural in me, or I learned by example from my giant family, I turned out ok It's called respect, and somehow most of our society has lost it. :banghead:

I think some of it is intrinsic. My older son never really asked for anything. Ask him what he wanted for Christmas and he would say "Surprise me". He's almost 23 and still says this!

My other 3 are another matter. They want everything their friends have. You'd think by now they'd realize I don't care what their friends have but no, they never stop asking.

All of my 11 year olds friends have cell phones. I mean ALL and most of the phones are way better and newer than mine. It drives my kids crazy that they don't have a cell phone. My son had one friend without one and then the grandmother got him one. I guess I'm "lucky" my kids only grandparent could not get them anything like this.

My kids keep saying they need one for an emergency. I tell them lucky all their friends have a phone so they'll never be stuck because they can use one of their friends phones in "an emergency".

But I really think this is where it stems from. Give the kids everything and they think they deserve it. Heck, I think some of these kids get offended if they have to ask for something- they think it should be handed to them on a silver platter!


ETA: I think not having all the requisite "stuff" can be another excuse for bullies to pick on kids- I've heard kids get made fun of for not having the right back pack, sneakers, t-shirt, etc. I don't think my kids have ever been teased for not having a phone (their friends feel sorry for them, lol) but I don't know...