So I was reading Elisa's blog (the one she had pre-tumblr) that someone posted the link to earlier. Thank you so very much for sharing it BTW.
http://etherfields.blogspot.com
I'm just really sad for the girl. After reading it, i felt such a tremendous sense of loss. she was trying her guts out to do better for herself, she was brave, and she always picked herself up. I could relate to her, A LOT. And many of the things she wrote were so close to how I feel and have felt. She was also very analytical....she spent a lot of her time analyzing, turning things over in her mind, understanding herself and understanding that a lot of her unhappiness stemmed from her, that she controlled it in a big way. I believe she shares on Tumblr an article about how people who think a lot suffer a lot because of it, and I believe this to be absolutely true. We overanalyze, seek control, seek perfection of ourselves and usually others. The problem is we get so wrapped up in our brains, which are really just another organ of the body, that we forget to experience life with our senses, our souls.
Just wanted to share with you guys. I experience depression and have been having an episode since December. I started to see a counsellor last year. I told her that I feel like Sisyphus, constantly pushing a rock up a hill only for it to come back down. But she told me that depression is more like pushing a rock on even ground....that once you get started, it gains some momentum. Sometimes you force yourself to push, and I believe that is what Elisa was doing in LA. I'm so devastated that her life came to an end before she was truly able to share her gifts with the world.
Also the talk of her body, the water contamination, etc....it makes me all the more sad. How humiliated she would be if she knew.
Also I did some reading and found info on peptides....and how our cells can become addicted to certain thoughts. When we think negative thoughts, our cells create receptors to catch these types of thoughts, when the cells multiply, they have even more negative (or other) thought receptors...so that is why people who are sad or melancholic seem to crave sadness - sad music, topics, etc...they are trying to fill their cells' needs for that particular feeling. We really are what we think.
I have learned a lot so far from her and her thoughts, her experience, and I hope she knows in some way how much she has touched many people who never even knew her.
Sorry for this guys I know it's OT but i guess it's my attempt at lighting a candle for Elisa.
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