Ugh I hate that this leak was so vague. It would be so helpful to know the date of the searches on the computer and especially the key words because they make all the difference. They said "chloroform and it's uses" but is that like " what is chloroform for?" or "chloroform effects" or "chloroform poisoning" Makes me want to pull my hair out not knowing..i need to time out on thinking about this but it follows me to the couch and subsequently into bed. I always have considered this case a murder(yes i'm in the lynch mob) to be honest and have felt and have convinced myself I was at peace with that and wanted to bring justice for Caylee. However, I tell you today when I heard a possible murder weapon my heart sank and I was almost to the point of hyperventalating. It's one thing to think a mother capable of hurting her child, but it is an entirely different thing to imagine her doing it. I think I was better able to distance myself (despite being a 23 year old mother of two toddlers myself) when it was in the hypothetical, but now this is getting down to evidence and it's no longer a mystery novel. This was a living, breathing, loving, innocent little soul; who despite what any speculation may point to, was infatuated with her mommy. I know this for a fact, I've seen it in the eyes of a little boy on an episode of intervention, in which a young meth mother was ditching her toddler with her parents and dissapearing for days, and I've seen it in my own little boys despite the fact that we've lived with my mother most of their lives. NOBODY COMPARES TO MOMMY! Cindy may have been a surrogate in basic needs, but there is no way that little girl wasn't aching for Casey every hour they spent apart. Heck I'm a stay at home mom right now and mine still wake up every night religiously to crawl into my bed. Children are an insatiable pit of mommy love and it's soooo hard for me to imagine that instead of Casey appreciating this wonderful gift she was given that she could have resented it. I am to the point financially where I have to forego meals to make sure they have 3 square meals on the table, they drive me nuts screaming,fighting and harassing the pets, and to be honest yeah sometimes I feel helpless and want to quit. But despite the stress i'm under constantly, it's nothing compared to the constant hugs and kisses, the satisfaction I get out of seeing how much knowledge they are absorbing, hearing my two year old say he's "too little" to do something just because he wants mommy time, and best of all my three year old walking into the room on one of the rare occasions I actually bother to put on make up and saying "mommy! you're so beautiful". Sorry to get all personal on this one guys, bear with me, I just had to get this out because it is getting too personal for me. Children are better than money, better than drugs, and better than sex. They don't ask to be born, we chose that for them (planned parenthood is everywhere now concieving doesn't have to equal birth or adoption). Although I'm very religious, I never pray but tonight I will pray with all my might that it is proven in court that Caylee's death was an accident and not a homicide. Not for Casey sake but for the sake of the soul of that little girl looking down on all this. I truly hope against all odds, and despite whatever messed up things that Casey had in her head, that she loved Caylee with all her heart and would never intentionally do something to harm her.
