'Class clown's' dad forces son to hold sign about bad grades at intersection

[butwhatif?]

There is nothing long with a little humility (or humiliation if warranted). JMO Just like there is nothing wrong with a little shame. They are useful emotions in some situations.

Sheltering children from it leads to self centered under achievers. IMO


You went down the road of 'learning disability' when there was no mention of that whatsoever.

I went down that road noting it as a possibility because it is often overlooked, and the kids are labelled as bad or lazy. And it was the sign itself that made me think it was a possibility.

I agree that we shouldn't shelter kids. One of my daughters has a LD and when the teacher offered to move her away from the kid sitting next to her who was teasing her over it, I said that wasn't the solution...that she needed to learn how to deal with teasing.

But I would never set my child up for public teasing or ridicule, LD or not.

The fact is, if this dad has enough control over his son to make him stand at an intersection like that, then he has enough control to make sure his son is studying regularly.
And if this dad has enough time on his hands to stand at an intersection all day, then he has the time to work with his son to improve his grades.

1 or two hours I could see as punishment, but the entire spring break?

"I'm sorry that it has to get to this point and that when I get back to school, I'm going to do better."

Dad certainly hopes so.

http://www.wtkr.com/news/wtkr-fl-parents-unusual-punishment,0,5279010.story

Maybe dads heart is in the right place, and he wants better for his son, and doesn't know how best to help or reach him. But doing this for the whole spring break and waiting until school goes back to 'do better' is not the solution.

The time would be better spent sitting in a library with unlimited access to free resources to focus on the areas where he is failing.

As a side note, all of the articles and videos I have seen have quoted the sign incorrectly. So the media gets a big fat 'F' in my book.

The front of the seventh grader's sign read: "Hey, I want to be a class clown. Is it wrong?"

The back of the sign says: "I'm in the 7th grade and got 3 F's. Blow your horn if there's something wrong with that."

Read more: http://www.wsvn.com/news/articles/l...n-as-punishment-for-bad-grades/#ixzz1p42sUaKu

It's quite comical that this 'failing student' reads the front side correctly, but the journo gets the other side of it completely wrong.

It actually reads :

" HEy I wAnt to bE A clAss ClOWN
Is it Wrong (no question mark)

HEy I'm iN thE
(I can't see 7th clearly in any of the pictures or videos)
grAdE ANd I hAVE A "F" for ThE sEMEistEr (no period)
Is ANything wrong with that. (period instead of question mark)
Blow your horN if you doN't thiNk so.
(I can't make out the next bit)
YOU!!!

 

[keeponsearching]

I doubt by getting the F that he is showing any effort. I wonder what he got in the other classes. I am sure like many other kids but not all don't realize how huge it is to get good grades and learn, and move on to college. I have a few teens on my fb page, that just complain and want things to fall in their laps.
I am guessing this is the dads last resort to get his son to give a d. Hopefully it works. I wish schools had classroom chats about how you need this and more education to get a decent job.

 

[Reality Orlando]

Even kids who go to the best schools are troubled. Sometimes it's the kids they hang around with. Sometimes the ones with money are worst because they can afford to buy all the bad things. You need to find out why your kids are having a hard time. Open the lines of communications. Easy said then done, I know.

My grandson and I are close...that's what's so strange. He's also close with his parents. We went fishing and hung out and talked about what was going on and it's all about fitting in...pretty much always is in middle school when these things happen. Of course a girl was involved as well so that didn't help, especially when we switched schools. But, after a few weeks and some new friends things were much, much better! After working in both private and public schools, I would go with private schools any day of the week.

 

[sherbetjello]

This seems to be a new trend as I have heard about parents doing this before. As a parent of a struggling student, not sure I agree with this. There are steps to take before it gets to this point, but it's that much easier to make a sign and stick the child in a busy intersection. The hard part is getting motivated to help as the parent, and to find the correlations to your child's achievement (including lack thereof).

 

[Kat]

JMHO but I don't think that humiliation and shame are great parenting tools. They tend to breed resentment and anger. Just based on my own observations, I might be wrong and it can work for others.

Kids are individuals and like many individuals you have some that when life taps then on the shoulder they stop and say to themselves: hey, I need to rethink or change the way I'm doing things.

Then you have some that need a slap on the forehead (like running into a brick wall) before they say to themselves: hey, I need to rethink or change.

And then you have some (like one of our kids -rolling my eyes here-) that need to be kicked in the teeth by life---a couple of times---more than a couple sometimes---before they stop and say: hey, I need to rethink or change.

The second hardest thing IMHO as a parent is watching your child (teenager to young adult) fail in order to learn for themselves.

Hopefully it will work out for this young man.

 

[cluciano63]

To be honest, I did not even know that teachers were allowed to give "F" grades these days...if an "F" is given, it seems to me that every avenue should/would have been explored before it came to that, i.e. to make sure there was some effort on the child's part, contact with parents, sessions, etc...my sister teaches children this age and giving an "F" would be unheard of unless ALL options had been explored and everything possible done first. She finally had a child removed from her class last week, in fact from the school altogether, part of the reason being that he had no intention of making any effort, only wanted to be the center of attention, etc...it was very hard on her, as a teacher, and probably on his parents as well, but some children are incorrigible. Not saying this boy is, but it is possible. JMO

 

[butwhatif?]

The individual school environment and their peer group plays a huge role IMO.

Too often, once they reach age 11-13 it's not 'cool' to do well in school.

At 13 my niece was getting all A's, and she copped a lot of bullying for it. She didn't let that make her grades drop, though she does resort to dumbing herself down on FB to be 'cool'.

She changed schools, but she's still viewed as a 'loser' for being an A grade student.
My nephew has ADHD and a really bad stutter, so you'd think he'd be the target of bullying but he's 'cool' because he fails most of his subjects. :banghead:

It's a tough age, where they're under pressure from parents and teachers to perform well, but they really just want to fit in and be accepted by their peers. I think it's up to us as parents to help them find that balance.

In the area they live, a lot (not all) of the teachers have given up. I'm not bashing teachers here. They dread being placed at schools in that area and can't wait to finish 'doing their time' so they can move on to better schools that have more structure, and where the students don't rule the school.


Students get blamed for not trying hard enough.
Teachers get a lot of critisism and blame if students are underachieving.

But there's a lot of parents out there who don't take any responsibility and think that education is purely the schools department. (My BIL is one of those parents)

That mentality needs to change and more parents need to be actively involved in their childrens education at home. I think that the school, the student and parents have equal responsibility.

I dropped out of school at 14 yrs and 9mths, and I want better for my kids.
I think that's what this dad wants for his son too, and that's a good thing.

As much as I dread homework time, working with them not only helps me to know where they're at, but I'm re-learning a lot of things I had forgotten, or never learnt myself.

Boy did I feel like a loser when my 7 year old DD's howework asked that she write down the ordinal numbers for 1, 2, 3, 4, and I had no idea what that was (neither did she). Thankfully we have google at our fingertips.

 

[OrdinaryLife]

To humilate *anyone* is just wrong. Period. It is not a fix and the only thing that results from it is that that person, no matter the reason or age, is a complete failure. The only person that ends up "feeling" the benefit is the person who chose to do that to another. Ugh!! I find that to be extremely tragic on so many levels. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong....

imvho

 

[keeponsearching]

I think their is a huge difference from a child struggling, to just not doing his work because he does not want to. I am not saying that is the case, but it could be. I have seen it first hand. A boy in my high school class would sleep all day, and he got horrible grades, but when he felt like taking a test, he would get an A.

 

[drip~drop]

Although I think he could find a better method, withholding privileges often does no good. My grandson went from straight A's one semester to 3 F's the next. His parents took away everything but he didn't care. We moved him to private school and limited his access to his old school mates. He's back to all A's and B's and his attitude has changed drastically.

I used to get threatened with boarding school. :giggle: as if...:angel::snooty:anguish: somedays they'd get really mad). Very academic family.

Buut, I can totally see myself out there with a sign, in a different neighborhood of course. lol Come home with a boatload of F's????
Next semester would have been all A's, that's for sure.

 

[drip~drop]

An ear and eye check may be in order too.:moo:

 

[lingjones]

I am very much against using humiliation or shame as a punishment. Some might be unavoidable in certain situations but it shouldn't be the main objective of whatever the parent is doing.

For example, I think it's great if a parent tells the child they will be going to school with them and sitting next to them in class for a week to make sure they behave. That is embarrassing but the point is not to shame the kid but to let them know mom or dad are on it, are watching and involved and will take charge if the child won't.

Otherwise, I think it's easy: Kid doesn't do what he's supposed to do in class? Won't do homework, study or pay attention in class? All privileges are taken away. That means extracurricular sports, dance, music lessons, whatever. It means t.v., phone privileges and computer time, except for classwork. It also means hanging out with friends. Things start to come back once progress reports improve.

If that doesn't work, everything the kid has is taken away. They get one pair of plain sneakers, one pair of jeans, a couple of plain t-shirts and a jacket. They get a mattress on the floor but everything else is taken out. Mom and dad pay for it, not the kid.

Of course, I agree that if the child is doing poorly, everything has to be ruled out. A conference with the teacher to make sure the child is not having learning difficulties, a talk with the kid to make sure they are not suffering from some secret problem like depression, bullying or abuse. But once all of that is ruled out, it's crack down time.

Shame just does not need to be a part of it.

I agree. Although parents do have different ways of disciplining their teens who do badly in school but I honestly think this type of punishment is too much. The parents should be lucky if the boy does not end up more troubled than he already is. Humiliating a child in public usually has its negative effects on the child itself. The parents are totally responsible of how their kids are going to turn out if they choose this type of punishment.
If I was the parent though, I’d use a different approach and instead help my teen improve his performance in school, whatever it may take. Look at this example on more positive ways to help teens do better in school.
There are obviously reasons why our kids get bad grades and that’s what parents are supposed to find out so that they can address what needs to be addressed. If taking out privileges are necessary to help our teens realize their mistakes then I would do it. But I wouldn’t go to the extent of insulting or humiliating my own kids in front of many people. It’s just plain wrong, IMO.

 

[sleuthin4fun]

In this particular case, a more effective way to go would be -make him study for whatever subjects he failed.

When you come up with a way to "make him study" let me know. It is often easier said than done. You can sit right there with them, and they can sit and stare at their paper, roll around saying "i'm tired", or "i'm hungry". It can drive you absolutely nutty to attempt to "make him study".
I say thins because I have a college age daughter who was very compliant and studied well and got A's and B's. I have a son who will be a Senior in high school, and "making him study" was just not possible. He has chosen to do it his way and gets A's and B's.
He does it his way knowing that he is able to do that, but if the grades are poor we as his parents get to choose the consequence.
We can say that maybe this father is a bit harsh. It is obvious he cares, and I would guess that he knows his son well enough to know that this may be what gets his attention.

I am pleased he didn't beat the tar out of him.

 

[thisgirl]

When you come up with a way to "make him study" let me know. It is often easier said than done. You can sit right there with them, and they can sit and stare at their paper, roll around saying "i'm tired", or "i'm hungry". It can drive you absolutely nutty to attempt to "make him study".
I say thins because I have a college age daughter who was very compliant and studied well and got A's and B's. I have a son who will be a Senior in high school, and "making him study" was just not possible. He has chosen to do it his way and gets A's and B's.
He does it his way knowing that he is able to do that, but if the grades are poor we as his parents get to choose the consequence.
We can say that maybe this father is a bit harsh. It is obvious he cares, and I would guess that he knows his son well enough to know that this may be what gets his attention.

I am pleased he didn't beat the tar out of him.

I think if the man can make his son stand in the street with a sign like that - he must have some pretty powerful negotiating skills and/or control over this boy!! I can just imagine what would happen if I tried to make my 10 or 12 year old do something like this. Too bad he couldn't use the same tactics to help him get better grades! Maybe in being the class clown the boy also got a kick out of this as well & doesn't take things too seriously. The article doesn't really go into all that. In general I think humiliation of a child is absolutely wrong - with no room for discussion. However, in this article with the limited info it's hard for me to judge the real story on this.

bbm

 

[Angels_Not_Forgotten]

At the end of the day I seriously doubt the boy cared about the sign. Do I think it was the best idea? No. Would I do it ever? I would think not, however since I am not in this situation I can't say that for certain. Do I think its abuse in any way? Absolutely not.

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[josie1986]

Dad's heart seemed to be in the right place cause he cares about his sons education when we all known there are parents out there that couldn't give a frick about their children.but I don't think he went the right way about it.

I'm not one for using humiliation and shame as a parenting tool but there are times when the threat of it is enough,an example...

My 3year old misbehaves a lot and it can get really bad at times so I will bend down to his level and calmly and quietly say to him "would you like mummy to take you outside in front of all the boys and girls and smack your bum" and he obviously says no and starts behaving.I would NEVER actually smack my kids this is the only way I've found he will start behaving,naughty step etc don't work.

There will be a day when he becomes wise that I'm not actually going to do it but hopefully his behavior will have changed.

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