@Ladybear There is no need to apologize for the book. It is informative, insightful and a darn good read.
Like you, I was in a long term marriage with a diagnosed NPD. And despite my education and professional standing, I was truly unaware of the disorder. You are right, abuse is not always physical, but the gaslighting, the lying and blaming can be worse. The devil in disguise doesn't have horns and carry a pitchfork.
@Ladybear, I am sure this case triggers memories. And I am glad that you have great courage to share your wisdom and help us understand the reality of living with such person. Thank you