Seems like a very good theory.
I wish we knew more about BM’s movements on Thursday, May 7 and Friday, May 8.
IIRC, Wed, May 6 is the day SM drove MM2 to Gunnison for the planned camping trip with MM1 and MM1's friend. IIRC, it is also the day SM spent some time with JR at the Ritter home, during which she for some reason urged JR not to come over to Puma Path in the next few days. (We don’t know if she told JR why, but it seems reasonable to me to presume that she mentioned something about the marital conflict. She may or may not have mentioned her plans to end the marriage and BM’s resistance to even hearing such plans, depending on how well she knew and trusted JR.). And it is also the day SM sent BM the text stating she was “done. I don’t care what you’re doing and have been doing for years. let’s handle this civilly. (Paraphrasing.)
Then, it was Friday, May 8 that SM sent the unusual text to her sister, telling her for what sounds like the first time about the degree of conflict in her marriage and about BM’s abusive and threatening behavior. She had been disclosing the behavior to her close friend, SO prior to that, but the disclosure to her sister was new and left her sister uneasy - MB mentioned that she had urged SM to discuss her situation with church elders (“that’s what they are there for”) and that MB felt compelled to pray about SM’s situation after receiving the text.
IMO, I think it likely that SM sensed a change in BM after she’d sent him the “I’m done...” text beyond his usual refusal to accept and dismiss what she was telling him. And without KNOWING what exactly BM was doing on the intervening days (after the text May 6 through Thursday and into Friday), she sensed the danger enough that she did something new and reached out to MB. Perhaps, even though she felt an increase in risk, she didn’t want to impose upon her friend SO while SO was enjoying one of the most important events of her own life - the marriage of her daughter.
Let me just say this about intimate partner domestic violence: Unless we have personally experienced being subject to an intimate relationship with a very dangerous individual or have gone through that with someone very close to us, we almost all tend to downplay whether an intimate relationship that a friend or relative is involved in is potentially imminently fatally dangerous. And we take cues from the victim, who unfortunately has been downplaying the danger herself - not because there is no danger but because it feels insane to live with terror. So, the victim distances herself from her terror, placates the person terrifying her, and focuses on the parts of her life that feel better. And those around her tend to dismiss the seriousness of the danger “certainly it won’t come to that... at least not now, even she doesn't seem THAT worried” and urge steps to extricate that unfortunately are not proportionate to the danger.
So, while I believe SM - in reaching out to MB - was conveying that she was terrified at a level beyond any she’d shared before with MB, I completely understand MB missing what a huge red flag that text was. MB was responding as though she was at “point A” in SM sharing how abusive BM was, when in fact SM had shared “points A through W” with someone else (SO) and when she’d reached “points X and Y,” she had to try to convey "points A through Y" in a way that would make sense to someone who had missed most of the story. IMO, MB realized this the moment she heard SM was missing, when she immediately suspected BM was responsible for her disappearance. I feel so sorry for her and cannot imagine the horror of that moment when she came to full realization of just how far BM had gone and what it had cost her.
So, what was happening on late Wed, May 6 through Friday, May 8? IMO, BM may have been gradually becoming comfortable with the idea of causing SM's disappearance for as long as he suspected she was involved with someone else and had become "unloving toward him" (as he described it). Women who express their discomfort or displeasure with a marriage whose concerns are repeatedly ignored or dismissed by their spouse eventually move on, sometimes even while staying physically in place and making private plans and that is what SM did. I've seen it multiple times. The May 6 text was clear and BM knew it, so he decided to act to avoid the losses he'd incur (in status, image, and financially) when SM made her move to leave him and take her share. IMO, it is very likely he worked out details in his head for awhile, scouted out spots in advance, and may have even prepared the spot where SM's remains were placed.
For this reason, I think the hours and days immediately after that text on May 6 are important in terms of understanding what BM was up to and if his whereabouts during those many hours could be determined, they might lead to SM's remains. Unfortunately, we don't know if the plans preceded even then and he'd made his decision before the May 6 text and was just playing the part of the husband who dismisses and begs to continue on. However, if he did do anything to "prep a spot," I think that would likely have been done close to her disappearance as he wouldn't want others to discover that preparation. (Bringing to my mind the golfers who discovered the grave-sized hole - lined with a plastic tarp, holding bags of lime, and covered by a BBQ grate, so likely prepped to receive a body - on the grounds of a private golf/hunting club that Fotis Dulos' friend and fellow conspirator Kent Mawhinney had temporarily gained access to in the month before Jennifer Dulos disappeared.)
One thing is clear: the judge who had been presiding over this case before it was dismissed has a very limited understanding of what intimate partner domestic violence looks like and how victims in such circumstances behave while they remain in the circumstances. And even those more familiar too often miss the signs, taking cues from victim behavior that is designed to manage and live with the risk rather than reasonably assess the potential for escalation, and acting on the side of underplaying possibilities rather than on the side of securing the safety of those involved first and then sorting out the facts once that security is ensured. We all need to become better informed about recognizing power disparities, and the potential for and signs of abuse in its many forms in such circumstances. Power corrupts, even in marriages.
