Warning:
This is way too long so feel free to skim or skip
I'm grateful for a safe place to say my feelings
(Feel free to send me a bill for therapy)
I have read your stories of the heartache and internal struggles of not being able to see grandkids, elderly parents, or grandparents
I AM the elderly parent, grandparent, and great-grandparent
(Re: great-grandchildren The best thing ever!
Whoever thought of that should get a gold star)
I also am debating daily with myself
My children are in their 40's
They get it
They also have lives, so we weren't seeing each other constantly before the coronavirus
My grandchildren are in their early 20's
They don't truly get it
They could tell me what stay at home means, but you know, they're out their living their best lives as they say

They all still have teenagery behavior so if we dont see each other in person right now, that's ok by me
Sometimes that had to happen before the coronavirus
But the great-grandchildren...
They are toddlers
Their understanding is that there is a virus (they know that word, but not, you know, what it means), that might make us sick, so we cant go to the store
So...
Basically they think I have been taking a nap since late February because that's what I tell them when we talk on the phone and they want me to come play
I say I can't because I have to take a nap
It only works because they are so little
It doesn't occur to them that I couldn't have really been taking a nap for 2+months
So they keep asking me when I wake up (as I'm talking to them), (they're little)

, can I come over to play
And I keep saying yes because I dont know what else to say
But my greatest fear in all of this, is that I will die of natural causes without having hugged the people I love