Court says sperm donor liable for child support

[MagicRose99]

I do not feel sorry for this man... he made a verbal agreement that he'd have nothing to do with this child when it was concieved, yet, he allowed his name to be put on the birth certificate, had contact with the child, signed letters/cards as "Dad", talked to him by phone... now balks when the kid wants help to pay for college.

This man brought all of this on himself. If he wanted to not be responsible for this life then he should have done none of the above and signed a written agreement stating so. For all intent and purpose this IS this young man's father... the only father he's ever had...

 

[KatK]

Well, this case is somewhat different than a sperm bank, where the donors aren't personally known to the woman, or couple who want a child. Still..... I don't quite know what to think, except Kanye West's song is running through my mind.

 

[golfmom]

Just so you know, child support, at least in NY, is mandatory until 21 yrs old unless the child gets married, joins the military or is self supporting.

Wow, I didn't know that. That does explain one thing for me though ... the mother moved to Oregon in 1993 and I couldn't understand why she didn't file there, the proper jurisdiction and more convenient forum. Based on the UCCJEA, the home state takes precedence UNLESS there was another court had continuing exclusive jurisdiction.

If I were him, I'd appeal the decision based UCCJEA and that NY court didn't have jurisdiction ... if it did move, I wonder what Oregon's state laws are on child support ? ? ? ? ?

ETA: I forgot he probably couldn't appeal on that basis IF he didn't file a motion to dismiss timely based on jurisdiction or venue at the beginning of the case. The only hope he has to get the decision overturned on another issue and if they try to come back at him try to have it moved from NY to Oregon at that time.

 

[golfmom]

Oregon

Age: 18, or 21 if in school half-time or more.
Oklahoma Statutes tit. 10 Sec. 91-4.

College: No requirement to pay for college.

 

[SLP]

Ok after reading another articles about this case with more info (ETA: NO it was the same article..I just read this one instead of skimming so I got ALL of the information LOL)... I no longer feel sorry for this guy.

He was a doctor at the time and married, so evidently well educated and had someone else to add input into the situation, yet he did not bother to get anything in writing regarding the child? Even though he requested his name be on the birth certificate and signed cards "Daddy".

He probably did trust this woman and their verbal understanding BUT to leave himself that wide open to legal responsiblity he really was all but asking for it. I still do not agree with the child support request at 18 BUT after reading the other article I do see how his own actions cross the line from what could be a sperm donor to what could be a father. I think when you are a sperm donor there is a contract to keep these things from happening? If it was all business he should have kept it that way. JMHO.

 

[golfmom]

Well, this mom was one smart cookie. BTW, her partner is a doctor as well. Anyway, she waited until any issue of custody or visitation was moot. Then, instead of filing in the state she had been living in for 14 years, she files back in NY where she can get the best deal. Most custodial parents fight tooth and nail to keep a case in the state where they and their child reside, but that wouldn't have benefited her.

Sounds like the guy's attorney stunk. Instead of filing papers to establish paternity, they should have been seeking to have the case moved to the proper jurisdiction.

 

[Amraann]

I do not feel sorry for this man... he made a verbal agreement that he'd have nothing to do with this child when it was concieved, yet, he allowed his name to be put on the birth certificate, had contact with the child, signed letters/cards as "Dad", talked to him by phone... now balks when the kid wants help to pay for college.

This man brought all of this on himself. If he wanted to not be responsible for this life then he should have done none of the above and signed a written agreement stating so. For all intent and purpose this IS this young man's father... the only father he's ever had...

Exactly!!
Truth be told he acted like a dad... although lacking..

I have a really hard time getting mad at the mom because she waited to sue him for support..
He spent years (18 to be precise) sending cards or gifts when he wanted to play "daddy" yet it never occurred to him to help support his son???

 

[KatK]

Exactly!!
Truth be told he acted like a dad... although lacking..

I have a really hard time getting mad at the mom because she waited to sue him for support..
He spent years (18 to be precise) sending cards or gifts when he wanted to play "daddy" yet it never occurred to him to help support his son???

I can see this too. I just dunno. All in all though, seems to me like maybe she should let her spouse be the kid's parent, and be happy the sperm donor wants to keep in touch at all, in case there is some kind of medical problem that crops up in his family that the kid should know to look for in themselves or their children. :twocents:

 

[SeriouslySearching]

Yes, he acted in the role as the father and should be legally held accountable for those actions. A sperm donor would not ever have contacted the child after it was conceived.

He should shut up and pay up. (Like my Nanny used to say, "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?" It is applicable to this situation, too.)

 

[golfmom]

http://www.proudparenting.com/node/1050

The donor said he had contact with the child from his birth until 1993, when the mothers and son moved to Oregon.

From then the contact dropped to seven phone calls in the past 15 years and one meeting for a few hours three years ago.

 

[csds703]

Yes, he acted in the role as the father and should be legally held accountable for those actions. A sperm donor would not ever have contacted the child after it was conceived.

He should shut up and pay up. (Like my Nanny used to say, "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?" It is applicable to this situation, too.)

I look at this more like an open adoption. You can't go back to the biological mother and ask for child support even if she keeps contact throughout the years.
I feel the dad wanted the child to know where he came from, but the agreement was for the mother and her partner to raise him.

 

[genecam]

No, because she waited until he was 18 YEARS OLD before filing. They had an understanding and she violated it after there would be no risk of visitation or custody problems ... just hand over the cash :croc:

No good deed shall go unpunished has always been my favorite Murphy's Law. It also seems to be the most common one that comes up. This is one of the greatest examples I have seen.

Just goes to show, even among so-called friends, you should always have a written, legal contract agreement for something serious and life-impacting. This is certainly a serious and life-impacting situation that both parties should have taken more seriously.

If I was this guy, I would appeal this ruling. Also, did the mother's lesbian partner adopt this child? That is usually the case. If so, sounds like this guy should be off the hook - name on birth certificate or not.

I don't know about this case but, is the lesbian partner still in the picture. If not then, maybe she was the big breadwinner in the partnership, now she's gone, so now the mom's trying to extort the nice guy sperm donor.

 

[golfmom]

Not only is she still in the picture, but she's a physician as well. The articles do state that both her income and his will be factored in deciding support. I think csds703 used a good analogy, with the idea of an open adoption.

 

[Nocgirl]

This crap happens all the time. There should be a statute of limitations for establishing paternity on a child. Regardless if its a sperm donor issue or not. So many women commit paternity fraud its sad. Dr. Phil had a show on this 2 weeks ago or so. The women on there duped other men into thinking they were the father of the child, when they in fact weren't, and were still stuck paying child support.

 

[Amraann]

This crap happens all the time. There should be a statute of limitations for establishing paternity on a child. Regardless if its a sperm donor issue or not. So many women commit paternity fraud its sad. Dr. Phil had a show on this 2 weeks ago or so. The women on there duped other men into thinking they were the father of the child, when they in fact weren't, and were still stuck paying child support.

There is no statute of limitation on being a parent.
He fully acted like a father when it was convenient for him.
There is no paternity fraud here and I question if they had some agreement that he would help with college??
Just because the media has not reported that does not mean they did not.

 

[nanandjim]

...He probably did trust this woman and their verbal understanding BUT to leave himself that wide open to legal responsiblity he really was all but asking for it...

I agree. Unless he is a complete idiot, why wouldn't you have a legal contract drawn up. Of course, I guess that you can be sued by the child at a later date. So, I basically wouldn't do it. Let her go to a sperm bank.

 

[CyberLaw]

No one forced this man to be a sperm donor. He knew darn well what he was getting into when he "provided sperm", had his name listed on the birth certificate, had contact with the child over the years and signed letters and gave gifts to the child, ending with Dad.

The main point here. Child support. For the child. The two women may have been able to provide for the child in "day to day items and financial support", but it is the Mother who bore the child and the Dad who are responsible together to ensure the child can have the best future. As I understand it, College in the USA is very expensive. So even if she does get "some money" from him, why not use it for College. Or she can use it any way she sees fit. After all she did support the child financially without or with little help from the Dad. Ticks me off to no end, that some children are living in dire circumstances and Mom working two jobs to make ends meet, just to have the Dad say: Well he/she lives with you, you are financially responsible for the child. Well all Dad's who are required to pay child support should pay child support, but do not.

 

[Nocgirl]

well I agree that this man did not protect himself sufficiently it seems. most "sperm donors" have no contact whatsoever with the child.

I was going off on a tangent about something else. Men get screwed every day in family court due to similar things. This woman may not have committed paternity fraud but filing for CS when the child is 18, is greedy. She obviously does not need the money, so is she trying to prove an expensive lesson to all men considering doing this request for a woman? Lots of men are approached to do this, and many are clueless that even a signed notarized agreement waiving all parental responsibilities may not hold up in court.

 

[snvoigt]

From the way I understand it (this is my opinion) the mother and her PARTNER were going to be the parents. Not the man who donated sperm, and the birth mother. Why should the birth mother and her partner decide 18 years later to sue him for child support.

So If I adopt a child, I can have an open adoption, and then sue the birth parents for child support later? The birth mother and her partner took on the responsibility of being parents to this child, so they should be the ones to support him financially. From what I understood, the man who donated sperm sent the child little gifts and money time to time. That seems more like an uncle to me.
shauna

 

[SLP]

So If I adopt a child, I can have an open adoption, and then sue the birth parents for child support later? The birth mother and her partner took on the responsibility of being parents to this child, so they should be the ones to support him financially.

I am thinking that if you "adopt" a child in the way that you take care of someone elses child with just a verbal understanding of an adoption then you could very well do it. It would not be the morally right thing to do IMO but without the adoption being in writing I am sure that the bio parents would still be the legal parents of the child and have some financial responsibility. This guy may have thought of himself as a sperm donor but he got nothing in writing to spell that out. He fathered a child, had his name put on the birth certificate, let the child know that he was the father growing up but does not have the sperm donor arrangement in writing to let him out of parental responsibilities. While I do not agree with what the mother is doing, or the fact of support after 18, I do think that this guy is paying for not taking bringing a child into this world (and passing himself off as "Dad") seriously.