well....I read your stories a couple of nights ago, and was dumbfounded. Couldn't think of anything worthwhile to say to all of you who have suffered so much. I stared and stared at the page and just felt numb. I still will not be able to find words adequate to console you all, or explain how I feel for you, but I have to say SOMETHING because I am very moved by your pain.
How brave you all are to dust yourselves off, get up all bruised and battered and have the courage to carry on. I keep trying to put myself in your shoes and although (of course) i think that I just would not put up with that stuff, who knows ....at different times of our lives we are vulnerable or strong...if they catch you when you are vulnerable, then they have the upper hand.
I am so lucky to have grown up in the warm love of a wonderful father and even though my marriage failed, we are still friendly and warm to each other. I have never had violence in my life, and I'm awfully scared of it in others. Once Were Warriors was pretty much one of the worst movies I have ever seen, but I know people from NZ (my ex for one) and they tell me about people they know who are in the same boat. This happens all over the world. I have experienced much sadness in my life - infidelity, death of loved ones, but I am still a whole person because no one has tried to take me down.
I wish there were millions more Hawkins to tell you ladies how wonderful and valued you are in his articulate and caring manner. I wish there were a million rainbows to give you joy and hope. And I wish for you all to find love as it should be - warm and embracing and safe.
Do you have any idea how special I felt reading what you wrote here.
I chocked up and felt you understood , when you said, " no one has tried to take me down"
That is what I struggle with. Why me, why take me down, focus on something or someone else. I have done nothing wrong.
I took a big step this week, I ignored a court application mention.
After , well ,9 yrs of court dates, And 4 mentions a month usually, I simply ignored this one.
He didn't have his date with me. He didn't get to hear or see me cry. Pleading for his actions to end.
I knew the magistrate would question its contents and dismiss it like all the others. So, feeling slightly chuffed with myself. It's like I'm growing up yet I'm an adult. They have this need to take everything from you.
Mine uses systems abuse to take me down. Lots of court and tribunerals in all areas concerning the children.
He pretends he is a bar aster and I'm a crim. Bloody annoying.
Very very bazaar as I am a normal mum and normal human being.Really really basic person. Never even had a speeding or parking fine. Simply trying to be a good Mum.
Anyway , it's so nice to talk and not feel like I'm in trouble for something. It is scarey talking on web sleuths sometimes for me because I'm always worried I will do or say something someone else won't like. I hate being singled out as doing something wrong, as i do my best to never do anything that isnt angelic. Silly hey.
Anyway back to sleuthing. Xx
