Emotional Toll

[Mountain_Kat]

One of the most disturbing aspects of forcing yourself into the mind of a murderer (for me anyway) is that, without realizing it, you become emotionally detached from the victim. You begin to see their humanity less. I don't know if that's a result of allowing yourself to "become one with the monster", or if it's self preservation, or a combo of the two, but the moment you step outside of that "oneness" (I don't have a better way to discribe it), you feel almost...I don't know the exact word...ashamed? Tarnished? Something. I truly believe that, with very few exceptions, even the most evil among us retain some degree of humanity, and I can't help but wonder if these monsters feel the same horrible feeling I feel when I step outside of that place. The thing is, I'm only allowing myself to imagine myself in that place, they actually go there. I don't know how someone recovers from actually inhabiting such a dark place. How do go to a place where you murder and dismember an innocent child, and then find a way to extract yourself from that place, and return to any semblance of a normal life?

I'm rambling, I know. I just needed these thoughts laid out somewhere, I guess.

 

[WhyaDuck?]

Kat, I completely get what you are saying, re: detachment, but I tend to see it a different way. I did a degree in forensic anthropology years ago (just a BA), and I felt really uncomfortable seeing human remains as just bits and pieces.

But my prof told me the truth of all homicide investigation - once someone is dead, the most you can do for them is (1) give them back their name, (2) bring them home, and (3) help win them their justice.

It might not be hearts and flowers, but looking at the "bits and pieces" is caring about the victims.

I hope you are doing okay, Kat. :hug:

 

[Mountain_Kat]

Thank you for those thoughts, Duckie.

I'm not at ALL in a good place this morning. But the one thing I have learned from this experience, is that you have to be able to recognize when you are in a bad place emotionally, and force yourself to step away from it. It's healthy to have feelings and express them, it's NOT healthy to allow those feelings to consume you.

So...right now, it's time for Van Morrison and some menial physical task.

((((WSers))))

 

[WhyaDuck?]

Thank you for those thoughts, Duckie.

I'm not at ALL in a good place this morning. But the one thing I have learned from this experience, is that you have to be able to recognize when you are in a bad place emotionally, and force yourself to step away from it. It's healthy to have feelings and express them, it's NOT healthy to allow those feelings to consume you.

So...right now, it's time for Van Morrison and some menial physical task.

((((WSers))))

Well, if you run out of menial physical tasks at your place, I got lots here.

I'm so far behind in house cleaning, I'm thinking of just clear burning and starting over.

 

[Oriah]

Kat, I'm so sorry you're not in a good place today. You did so much tremendous good work in her SAR thread. Please don't lose sight of that.

Duckie- I agree with your prof.

There are some days when seeing the images of Zahra alive and happy and whole fill me with immense joy. What an absolutely beautiful child, that graced this world with her life for a much too short period of time.

Other days, they make me shut down completely and repeatedly ask myself (probably in an unhealthy way) what is wrong with this world?? And, is there anything I can do that will right it again?

And then I think: yes, yes, and yes. All truths.

A beautiful child, gone too soon, in an unbelievably horrible way.
She is gone.
She has her name back.
Justice for her on earth is (painfully) in the process. Justice elsewhere- perhaps already done.
There are many more children we can help.

*sigh*

Kat, I am now right there with you.

 

[NoeticSoul]

Kat, I'm so sorry you're not in a good place today. You did so much tremendous good work in her SAR thread. Please don't lose sight of that.

Duckie- I agree with your prof.

There are some days when seeing the images of Zahra alive and happy and whole fill me with immense joy. What an absolutely beautiful child, that graced this world with her life for a much too short period of time.

Other days, they make me shut down completely and repeatedly ask myself (probably in an unhealthy way) what is wrong with this world?? And, is there anything I can do that will right it again?

And then I think: yes, yes, and yes. All truths.

A beautiful child, gone too soon, in an unbelievably horrible way.
She is gone.
She has her name back.
Justice for her on earth is (painfully) in the process. Justice elsewhere- perhaps already done.
There are many more children we can help.

*sigh*

Kat, I am now right there with you.

..I'm in the exact same place and have had no words.. they completely elude me :anguish:

..sending love to you all :grouphug:

 

[FaerieB]

Well, if you run out of menial physical tasks at your place, I got lots here.

I'm so far behind in house cleaning, I'm thinking of just clear burning and starting over.

I'm so glad to know it's not just my place that's a wreck right now. My biggest problem is that when I'm upset, I bake. I've been baking since Friday, so if you're on a diet, or diabetic, stay the heck away from my house! :floorlaughSeriously...I've filled a freezer with baking...I must stop...but can't.)

 

[sarx]

I'm so glad to know it's not just my place that's a wreck right now. My biggest problem is that when I'm upset, I bake. I've been baking since Friday, so if you're on a diet, or diabetic, stay the heck away from my house! :floorlaughSeriously...I've filled a freezer with baking...I must stop...but can't.)

Oriah is not by a computer but wanted me to post this.
Says Oriah...."My biggest problem is tired puppies, anyone want one?":floorlaugh:


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[Mountain_Kat]

Out of the dark and into the light. Thanks, guys.

P.S. Tell Oriah to stop tempting me with animals! Five is my absolute limit!

 

[Oriah]

Out of the dark and into the light. Thanks, guys.

P.S. Tell Oriah to stop tempting me with animals! Five is my absolute limit!

Glad to hear it, and I will.

(But a good and tired working pup will bring a spirit up every time, don't you think?)

 

[Mountain_Kat]

Glad to hear it, and I will.

(But a good and tired working pup will bring a spirit up every time, don't you think?)

Man, do I!

 

[Oriah]

Man, do I!

My pup translating for Rascal Flatts, lol..."When push comes to shove, you taste what you're made of....you might think you'll break....you get mad, you get strong....shake it off...and you stand.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_Vzpjv_kR4[/ame]

 

[tlcya]

OT

You have been sorely missed Oriah

 

[Oriah]

OT

You have been sorely missed Oriah

Thank you, tlcox.
I truly feel ike Zahra reminds us that we can all stand. Don't you think?

 

[tlcya]

That she does.

 

[Oriah]

Mountain Kat, how are you doing today?

 

[Mountain_Kat]

Mountain Kat, how are you doing today?

Ummm...I'm not really sure. But I spent 2 hours re-reading through both of the SAR threads looking for anything that might stand out about the location of the rest of Zahra's remains, so I'm going to say...still alittle off balance.

And angry.

And frustrated.

But definitely not crying.

(Thank you for asking, my Dear.)

 

[Oriah]

Ummm...I'm not really sure. But I spent 2 hours re-reading through both of the SAR threads looking for anything that might stand out about the location of the rest of Zahra's remains, so I'm going to say...still alittle off balance.

And angry.

And frustrated.

But definitely not crying.

(Thank you for asking, my Dear.)

I understand.

Glad you are okay, and not crying.

 

[Mountain_Kat]

I understand.

Glad you are okay, and not crying.

I'm mostly just incredibly angry. And frustrated because I don't have the means to go search for the rest of this child myself. Need to let it go.

Now...how are YOU doing. Honestly.

 

[Oriah]

I'm mostly just incredibly angry. And frustrated because I don't have the means to go search for the rest of this child myself. Need to let it go.

Now...how are YOU doing. Honestly.

Oh Kat...not doing great either. I know exactly how you feel.

I feel like there is no way to let her go, and honestly I don't think we should.