I honestly think it isn't totally understandable to others who have not suffered from sexual abuse as a child. It is one of those horrible things in life where to fully understand it a person
has to live it and I wouldn't ever wish that on anyone. It is not a club that anyone wants to ever be in yet millions are.
There are so many complexities to it and each is different for each child who has been abused and suffered through it.....sometimes for many agonizing years.
I lived in the home with my abuser who had total control over the household. I hated every moment of it but I was helpless to do anything about it and I was constantly fearful of what would happen to me if his dirty little secret became known. So I protected it for I felt that was the only way I could survive. I felt 'I' was the one who would be in more danger if his secret came out............not him. He had brainwashed me from the age of 5 that no one would believe me nor would they help me even if they knew. I believed everything he said even when he told me he would kill me if I told. This torment lasted until I was almost 16. At times he would be very caring even buying me something special but in the end it was to silently tell me he was pleased how I had protected his secret. There is constant manipulation being played by the adult.
However; not all pedophiles rule by instilling paralyzing fear in their victim. Many, especially who aren't living with the victim or is no kin to them will slowly manipulate the victim by giving them special attention or showering them with gifts. Contrary to belief pedophiles don't act like monsters but to snare their prey they can be exceedingly kind giving special attention to the child. It reminds me of how a fly gets caught in the web of a spider. They don't immediately rush to kill the fly. They wait patiently for the fly to become completely trapped in their web before they react. That is what JG did to Diana.
Every child wants to feel loved and special so due to their naïve immaturity they begin to think the person genuinely cares about them. The grooming of someone like Diana is done slowly for the goal is to have the victim to fully trust them. Once that happens the child is confused but thinks by then if the predator says they 'love them' (gag) then what they are doing to the victim must be right in the child's very immature mind. Small children Diana's age are still very trusting of adults. Some simply don't question because they feel the adult knows what is right and wrong and they accept that. Of course they are right, the adult knows this is wrong, but they convince the child what is happening is right.
As I said it is such a complex issue its hard to explain for every child who has been abused was in their own situation at the time. There is no 'box' to put all children who have been abused to come out with one answer fits all. Children can even love their abuser if they are a parent because they have been taught no matter what they are to love their parents. Its such a mental puzzle for the children to go through while never quite understanding what is happening to them fully until they are away from their abuser once they become grown. Like I have said many times here, I never told a soul about the horrors I suffered at the hands of my father until I was 38 years old.
An abused child will often want to blame themselves somehow as if it was their fault. It is humiliating and they feel such shame Its only when they become adult survivors that they fully understand why everything happened the way it did and it was no fault of the abused child whatsoever. Until then they wrestle with so many emotions. That is why many who have been sexually abused as a child turns to alcohol or drugs to numb the pain inside especially if they have held this dark secret inside for years and never told anyone. I was one of the fortunate and didn't turn to either. I was determined to overcome the childhood of my past and made sure the journey I traveled since then was a much different life than the one I had once lived. I was not going to let it define who I became when I reach adulthood and thank God with His help I was able to achieve those goals beyond my greatest expectations.
It isn't the past which defines a person no matter how horrible that past may have been. It is the journey walked through life after then that defines who we will become and are.
God bless all of the little abused children still out there dealing with their own abusive nightmare. May help come to all of them who cries out in the night.
