FL - Somer Thompson, 7, Orange Park, 19 Oct 2009 #31

[ccane]

Pin, I don't get what the rabbit story has to do with anything ... don't think you can compare a dead rabbit to a dead child. And I doubt you would have been so cavalier if it were your child.

I see no reason for Diena to torture herself more with that image in her mind. LE ... who probably have seen their fair share of bodies, and a worker at the funeral home, both recommended that Diena (and Sam) not have that be their last image of Somer. I think if I were in the same shoes, I too would have listened to their advice. And it wouldn't mean that I didn't love my daughter or was emotionally detached from her.

I have to argee on this one
I do not think I would have had the strength to look either and I am a very strong person.

 

[ccane]

Sad has anyone inquired as to Sam getting a lock of hair. I seems they should both be getting this. Can someone call the place that DT said was giving it to her

 

[ChickenPants]

The mind works in funny ways. Maybe those were the only clean pair Somer had. What bothers me is that DT didn't view Somer's body. I viewed a dead rabbit that was totally squashed on the road. Took photos of it and buried it. Part of being a mom is being there unfortunately even in illness and death. This child deserved to be viewed and grieved in a profound way that only a mom could. I think ST should have also viewed and said goodbye to Somer. I think both parents did a great disservice to this child. I think both just emotionally separated from her a long time ago.

I went way, way back on some threads, wish I could remember which one, I just looked at it for no reason. The comment was from a funeral home worker who was angry that DT had said LE had told her not to view the body. She said that in cases of violence, the funeral director will ALWAYS ask the family if they wish to view the body and it is up to THEM to decide, always. Then if they say, "yes", the funeral will prepare them for what they are about to see. She says this is VERY SIGNIFICANT because, as you say, this is absolutely the parent's last chance to see that child. Most of them say "yes". She indicated that what DT said was not true.

 

[raeann]

Yes, I am saying that is not why he was there. IDK why he stayed. I can only speculate on that one and Ive said it all before and not in any mood for tomatoes today. Its started too wonderful with morning hugs and sneaking off for doughnuts with my sweet. (three doughnut stores til we found strawberry glazed, her fav) I dont think she called him since he was already there when at and st arrived. I think he was waiting to finish what began at lunch ( make up ur own scenerios, a talk, a drug deal, sex, a healing session whatever) Why did she decline after school care? If not money since it was free? (yes I KNOW this, but Im NOT saying how so dont ask please?) I have asked myself that over and over. The only answer I can come up wiht in my mind is that she didnt want the kids talking to after care people. (if anyone has a better idea I would like to know it). I dont believe that somer would still be with us if she had. MAYBE, yes, but there are so many what ifs and maybes that they dont matter. I believe everthing happens for a reason, even the most horrible, horrendous things. She is where she is suppose to be and so are we and so are they.

The MAIN reason that many parents do not like after school care as opposed to a latch key kid situation is that when kids are signed up for after school care, the parent MUST pick the child up by a specified time every day. The kids can't just say "mom said to walk home today" and the parent must actually contact the provider to let them know someone is picking them up other than a parent. The problem is---even when it is offered for free--it puts too many restrictions on some parents "lifestyles".
If the kids just walk home after school, then the parent is free to do whatever they want after work, go out with friends to dinner, hang out for a few drinks at the bar down the street, etc. 'cause the kids are already at home. The parent can get home at 4, or 6 or 10 p.m. if they so choose. A structured program means they must follow rules they do not care to have imposed upon their own life. Sad situation, but true in many cases.

jmoo

 

[ChickenPants]

Time to move. I know I would. In fact, number one I would get rid of PC and his friends. I would move the kids to somewhere new to start a new start. DT will be reminded every time she brings the kids to school and every kid she sees that Somer knew. I do feel bad for her.

I want to say I would too, (move) but then again it is another major undertaking. And I was thinking, if one moved, you might think you were disrespecting the child's memory, or "forgetting" the child, etc. KNWIM? If that is all you have of the child. There is "moving on" but if it means wiping out everything, I don't know if I could. Plus when one is depressed or overwhelmed, even the thought of organizing things or a major change like this could be too much. It's said when you have been through something terrible like this, the best thing to do is stay put - no major changes - for a while. Been there, done that. I aged 10 years in a 2 year period with loss of parents, job changes, separation, spouse infidelity, work stress, etc., etc...I would be happy to never leave my apt., and I said the only way I will move out of here is when they carry me out on the gurney.

 

[ccane]

I want to say I would too, (move) but then again it is another major undertaking. And I was thinking, if one moved, you might think you were disrespecting the child's memory, or "forgetting" the child, etc. KNWIM? If that is all you have of the child. There is "moving on" but if it means wiping out everything, I don't know if I could. Plus when one is depressed or overwhelmed, even the thought of organizing things or a major change like this could be too much. It's said when you have been through something terrible like this, the best thing to do is stay put - no major changes - for a while. Been there, done that. I aged 10 years in a 2 year period with loss of parents, job changes, separation, spouse infidelity, work stress, etc., etc...I would be happy to never leave my apt., and I said the only way I will move out of here is when they carry me out on the gurney.

DT waisted no time in change the kids room so as not to have a reminder of somer

 

[ChickenPants]

I agree with your post for the most part, but as far as the part about DT not being there for her kids after school, she had a job, so maybe she couldn't be there, but IMO she could have taken advantage of the free after school care that sadnpod said she was offered and declined. Maybe she, for some reason, could not pick them up from this free after school care, IDK.

Maybe I shouldn't even express my opinion on her lifestyle, but I'm going to anyway. Call me old-fashioned if you want, but as a mother, I just don't think I would be living with a man I was not married to if I had children living there too, especially when I was still married to these kids' father. What kind of example does that set for those children? You have to set examples for children, not just teach them by talking to them. They learn from what their parents DO as much as they do from what their parents SAY do. There, I have said it! Bawl me out if you want to (or throw tomatoes as sadnpod said, but this is how I feel - MOO!

Society has come a long way in accepting "alternative lifestyles", but a boyfriend who lists his favorite t.v. as is someone that should not be allowed around children. If you are into that thing with him, go to his home, have him for dinner, maybe overnight - when the kids are away.

Add to that the bitterness toward the dad. If the kids loved their dad, it was hard for them to accept him being replaced - if CPC took on an authoritative role. We know from what has been posted about the funeral home that CPC was instrumental in keeping ST away from those kids. Supposedly Abby looked at ST and shook her head and mouthed, "I can't". Well, there are people who were there, and said he looked like a vigilante from hell. I had asked before on here if DT was into Harleys and that scene before CPC and I did not get a response. Whether she was or was not, that's the scene at home - you are what you are, you talk as you talk, you do what you do. If this is the choice they have made, then they can expect their children either to follow in their footsteps or rebel and go the other way. Time will tell.

 

[ChickenPants]

DT waisted no time in change the kids room so as not to have a reminder of somer

I know, I know, I know.

And when asked what they had to say about "that day", she said...well she felt uncomfortable talking to them about it and left that up to the professionals. I know. I know.

 

[Noway]

Considering that moving is a traumatic event, I would think the counselors would recommend they stay where they are for now (through school year, which would be another traumatic change).

I wonder if the changes in the kids rooms was on the advice of the counselors?

There is no way I'd second guess someone's grieving process. We all differ. My dad didn't want to get rid of anything of my mother's and it was his house. So things stayed the way they were for years. Gradually he gave things away, put things in storage. It's what works for those grieving. And not everyone in the house would agree.

JMO but I think Diena's changes were to benefit ST and AT especially. I imagine the guilt they feel is immeasurable. Logical or not.

 

[ccane]

Considering that moving is a traumatic event, I would think the counselors would recommend they stay where they are for now (through school year, which would be another traumatic change).

I wonder if the changes in the kids rooms was on the advice of the counselors?

There is no way I'd second guess someone's grieving process. We all differ. My dad didn't want to get rid of anything of my mother's and it was his house. So things stayed the way they were for years. Gradually he gave things away, put things in storage. It's what works for those grieving. And not everyone in the house would agree.

JMO but I think Diena's changes were to benefit ST and AT especially. I imagine the guilt they feel is immeasurable. Logical or not.

When my brother died the grief counselor would come to our house and talk with us. We left the room the same for years. I found comfort sitting on his bed and holding his stuffed animals and touching his things. It made me feel he was there with us until I could accept he was not.

 

[pinamia]

I want to say I would too, (move) but then again it is another major undertaking. And I was thinking, if one moved, you might think you were disrespecting the child's memory, or "forgetting" the child, etc. KNWIM? If that is all you have of the child. There is "moving on" but if it means wiping out everything, I don't know if I could. Plus when one is depressed or overwhelmed, even the thought of organizing things or a major change like this could be too much. It's said when you have been through something terrible like this, the best thing to do is stay put - no major changes - for a while. Been there, done that. I aged 10 years in a 2 year period with loss of parents, job changes, separation, spouse infidelity, work stress, etc., etc...I would be happy to never leave my apt., and I said the only way I will move out of here is when they carry me out on the gurney.

It depends. If I saw kids my child use to play with it would be hard. I had a neighbor once whose child died of cancer and she up and left her husband and moved to Florida with her 2 other kids. I can see why. Unfortunately, the brother, Danny, who was a year older than Lydia (the little girl who died) got into drugs. It was real sad. She even left her mother. She met another man and had 2 more sons.
I can see why she moved.

I'm sorry for your losses. I do hope you do go on a vacation to get away from it at home. That's something that's recommended as well.

 

[ccane]

This has nothing to do with Somer but here is a nice event In Orange Park for the holidays

Admission is free. Donations will be accepted for the Children’s Home Society of Florida, which restores and strengthens families through adoption, foster care and child abuse prevention programs, according to the release.

http://jacksonville.com/news/metro/...ailroad_toy_train_display_open_in_orange_park

 

[Chili Fries]

I went way, way back on some threads, wish I could remember which one, I just looked at it for no reason. The comment was from a funeral home worker who was angry that DT had said LE had told her not to view the body. She said that in cases of violence, the funeral director will ALWAYS ask the family if they wish to view the body and it is up to THEM to decide, always. Then if they say, "yes", the funeral will prepare them for what they are about to see. She says this is VERY SIGNIFICANT because, as you say, this is absolutely the parent's last chance to see that child. Most of them say "yes". She indicated that what DT said was not true.

Even though my feeling is that the perp is a stranger...this has made me think that there is still suspicion on someone DT is close to, that LE didn't want to compromise the investigation by letting DT in on details of the final state of the body. I remember there was talk of the casket actually being locked, I'm not sure if that was verified or not. Maybe sadnpod has addressed that at some point.

 

[sadnpod]

Sad has anyone inquired as to Sam getting a lock of hair. I seems they should both be getting this. Can someone call the place that DT said was giving it to her

too late

 

[sorrell skye]

O/T

My younger sister that was my best friend was terminally ill all her life. She had cystic fibrosis. She made me promise not to look at her dead. That was her greatest fear, for those that loved her to not remember how she was when her life was good. Our last summer together, she was beautiful and happy and that is my memory that I will forever be grateful for. You never know until youve been there. For a very long time it is your first thought, the last time you saw them and once done, it cant be erased ever.

Sad - thank you for sharing that touching story. I'm so glad for you that you had that last happy summer with your sister to remember her by. I had the same experience with my mother before she passed away. I know I will always cherish that last summer vacation with my mom - and I also know that wherever she is, she cherishes it, as well. BTW - my mom didn't want anyone looking at her after she passed away, either. She had a frank discussion with us about it beforehand - no viewing - and even though her friends didn't quite understand, we abided by her wishes.

I feel so sorry for ST that he didn't get to see his little one more recently before she was so brutally & unexpectedly taken from everyone that loves her. I hope he is finding some comfort in his friends and family and faith at this tragic time.

Sad - I have a quick question for you - how many people rode with him in the van from NC to OP when he came for her funeral? It's something I've wondered about, but just kept forgetting to ask. TIA!

 

[New1]

DT waisted no time in change the kids room so as not to have a reminder of somer

Now, I think I KNOW I couldn't have done that.

 

[sadnpod]

Even though my feeling is that the perp is a stranger...this has made me think that there is still suspicion on someone DT is close to, that LE didn't want to compromise the investigation by letting DT in on details of the final state of the body. I remember there was talk of the casket actually being locked, I'm not sure if that was verified or not. Maybe sadnpod has addressed that at some point.

Are you asking me if the casket was locked? Seriously? Why would I know that?

Me thinks we need something to sleuth.

 

[pinamia]

Now, I think I KNOW I couldn't have done that.

It's because of guilt. When my aunt died, her husband threw every piece of clothing she had out and gave it to the church. That happened the next day. She wasn't even buried and he got rid of it all. I bet he felt guilty he wasn't a good caregiver. She was 67 and he was 71. A grouchy old man always complaining he had to take her to the doctor. She died of heart problems and the woman worked like a dog to make him happy for 44 years.

 

[pinamia]

Are you asking me if the casket was locked? Seriously? Why would I know that?

Me thinks we need something to sleuth.

I was looking at sex offenders near Cedar Bend Apt. Complexes near wells. There are a lot over there. That's where they found the 2 year old in the dumpster alive.

There are also bad people living there and murders going on.

This is all 3.47 miles from 1080 Gano.

 

[ccane]

Hi sorrell long time no see .. where the heck you been