FL - Toddler Tortured with Hot Oil and Hair Dryer

[Clearly Confused]

There is no excuse in the world for the what that guy did to that baby. What did he think that torturing him would make him stop crying? WTF???Him and the mother should be locked up for life.

 

[JanetElaine]

You make absolute sense, ((((JanetElaine)))), and I am so sad to hear of any hurt or harm that happened to you in your life.

I agree with you and others that individuals are responsible for their individual choices. I agree with you and others that most people who suffer abuse do not grow up to be abusers. I do not think that if you abuse someone your behavior is somehow excused because you were abused.

I believe that people who hurt and abuse other people should pay the price via the laws and institutions we have here.

I believe all these things but still have compassion in my heart for people so damaged that they make damaging choices. I don't think we will ever fix or help such people by hating them more and wishing more abuse to come into their lives. JMHO.

And again I totally agree with you. I did know you didn't think that it excuses their behavior, or that they should be 'cut some slack' or something. It's also very true that hating them or wishing them (more) bad doesn't help one bit, and I try not to hate. It just makes me so mad though. I guess I wish I had a bit more of your compassion in cases like this... usually I do, and that is more 'me' than being angry and wanting to pull their fingernails out one by one (for starters).
The best and simplest way to describe it is that reading stories like this (even though I did skip actually reading this one) creates turmoil inside of me... because of the emotion basically conflicting with my character... if I could reach the compassionate me in cases like this, it would be much better for me. Even though I think I've dealt with things pretty well through the years, and put most of it behind me (although I did have a bit of a setback or fallback or whatsitcalled recently), and I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason, and that I am who I am because of everything (good and bad) added up (and I kinda like me ), it's stuff like this ('turmoil') that will always be there and I'm not particularly liking that part... but heck.

Sorry to hijack the thread, I didn't mean to turn it into my own personal therapy session...

 

[believe09]

I want to know what it is about some peoples wiring that a crying infant, toddler or child can cause such violent reactions??? I have a close family member who registers that kind of high pitched whining or crying as physical pain for example...he has managed to parent two beautiful children through those stages without abusing them however. Is it the helplessness of not being able to comfort them or not wanting to that triggers the anger? Is it that these folks are so self motivated that they don't want to be inconvenienced by the child's inherent demand...yet some how they take the hours to create and execute these tortures....I am so mystified. I had an adult in my life who would strike me for no reason-from as early as I can remember. If I walked past him within arms length, I could get hit very hard. If I walked clearly outside of arms length I was struck for walking so far away from him...life became all about how to try and walk by invisible, yet at the perfect distance...what was the joy in this for him I always wondered? He was miserable and angry that I was afraid of his touch and he was miserable and angry that I was close...amazing.

 

[southcitymom]

I want to know what it is about some peoples wiring that a crying infant, toddler or child can cause such violent reactions??? I have a close family member who registers that kind of high pitched whining or crying as physical pain for example...he has managed to parent two beautiful children through those stages without abusing them however. Is it the helplessness of not being able to comfort them or not wanting to that triggers the anger? Is it that these folks are so self motivated that they don't want to be inconvenienced by the child's inherent demand...yet some how they take the hours to create and execute these tortures....I am so mystified. I had an adult in my life who would strike me for no reason-from as early as I can remember. If I walked past him within arms length, I could get hit very hard. If I walked clearly outside of arms length I was struck for walking so far away from him...life became all about how to try and walk by invisible, yet at the perfect distance...what was the joy in this for him I always wondered? He was miserable and angry that I was afraid of his touch and he was miserable and angry that I was close...amazing.

That's so sad, believe - what an awful thing you had to navigate as a child. It is hard to understand and I don't claim to - though I try to.

My young child's screams and whines would definitely make my want to strike out in anger sometimes in an effort to shut them up. As someone earlier in this thread pointed out - even that feeling doesn't make much sense - why would striking a child make it more quiet? And yet - I have experienced that feeling so I can understand it viscerally.

Yet, I never did strike my child because I was able to understand that I was an adult and he was a child. And I had numerous resources others don't always possess - not the least of which, the fact that I wasn't raised around such violence - a swat to my bottom sometimes - my Mom would spank, but she never beat me.

Other resources I have and had - a strong support system close to me helping me raise my children, other women I could call on the phone and talk to honestly, the ability to put myself in time-out, the money and time to take a break if I needed to.....

 

[southcitymom]

And again I totally agree with you. I did know you didn't think that it excuses their behavior, or that they should be 'cut some slack' or something. It's also very true that hating them or wishing them (more) bad doesn't help one bit, and I try not to hate. It just makes me so mad though. I guess I wish I had a bit more of your compassion in cases like this... usually I do, and that is more 'me' than being angry and wanting to pull their fingernails out one by one (for starters).
The best and simplest way to describe it is that reading stories like this (even though I did skip actually reading this one) creates turmoil inside of me... because of the emotion basically conflicting with my character... if I could reach the compassionate me in cases like this, it would be much better for me. Even though I think I've dealt with things pretty well through the years, and put most of it behind me (although I did have a bit of a setback or fallback or whatsitcalled recently), and I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason, and that I am who I am because of everything (good and bad) added up (and I kinda like me ), it's stuff like this ('turmoil') that will always be there and I'm not particularly liking that part... but heck.

Sorry to hijack the thread, I didn't mean to turn it into my own personal therapy session...

I very much understand that turmoil you talk about. My best friend is a woman of boundless compassion and love and optimism and she doesn't have a cruel bone in her body, not one! But she was sexually abused as a young child - and later as a girl - and raped as a teenager and you can bet your life that when she reads a story about a young girl being abused, her first thought is not compassion for the abuser!!

She's done a lot of healing from her wounds, but it is organic that her experience flavors her feelings on things that touch her own life so personally. This doesn't make her (or you or anyone else who has been abused) any less of a bright light. Survivor light is the strongest glow in the world!:blowkiss: We all have our place in stopping the violence.

 

[believe09]

That's so sad, believe - what an awful thing you had to navigate as a child. It is hard to understand and I don't claim to - though I try to.

My young child's screams and whines would definitely make my want to strike out in anger sometimes in an effort to shut them up. As someone earlier in this thread pointed out - even that feeling doesn't make much sense - why would striking a child make it more quiet? And yet - I have experienced that feeling so I can understand it viscerally.

Yet, I never did strike my child because I was able to understand that I was an adult and he was a child. And I had numerous resources others don't always possess - not the least of which, the fact that I wasn't raised around such violence - a swat to my bottom sometimes - my Mom would spank, but she never beat me.

Other resources I have and had - a strong support system close to me helping me raise my children, other women I could call on the phone and talk to honestly, the ability to put myself in time-out, the money and time to take a break if I needed to.....

Kisses SCM, I navigated my youth and have not beaten or tortured one of my lovelies...as hard as my younger days may have been I wouldn't give it up because late at night I remind myself how much love I have in my life right now, and who knows how grateful I would have been had my childhood been more balanced??? I have made peace with it. One of the greatest gifts I was given was the ability to deal squarely with it as an adult because my victimizer was laid low with a horrible illness...he asked for forgiveness, I gave it and we cared for one another until the end came for him. I had no regrets because I got to say it all-he heard it acknowledged his wrong and there you go! Enough about me, lol

 

[LinasK]

I agree with everyone's posts. Something that popped into my head is how in the world is THAT supposed to stop the child from whining and crying? Does the big, bad man feel better now after he "gave him something to cry about"? Grrrr.... I wish all these creeps would get done to them exactly what they do to these poor kids.

Exactly my thoughts! Torturing him is going to make him stop crying?????:furious: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

 

[southcitymom]

Kisses SCM, I navigated my youth and have not beaten or tortured one of my lovelies...as hard as my younger days may have been I wouldn't give it up because late at night I remind myself how much love I have in my life right now, and who knows how grateful I would have been had my childhood been more balanced??? I have made peace with it. One of the greatest gifts I was given was the ability to deal squarely with it as an adult because my victimizer was laid low with a horrible illness...he asked for forgiveness, I gave it and we cared for one another until the end came for him. I had no regrets because I got to say it all-he heard it acknowledged his wrong and there you go! Enough about me, lol

That's a powerful story, believe - thank you so much for sharing it!!

 

[believe09]

You are kind, SCM-but my story is not an odd ball one I am finding since I started posting here!

I am indeed curious as to how we can prevent this story from repeating itself however-I waited until late to have my children, so maturity and patience were pretty ingrained...and I am far from perfect let me tell you. It amazes me to see that people still think having babies is playing house, or like owning a doll. The lack of preparation or consideration on the responsibility it entails, and how it requires you to sacrifice yourself escapes some of these abusers. Buy a vowel folks, although children are a miracle it aint nothin' but a thang to procreate...(infertile couples no disrespect) so if you aren't ready for the whole experience, pass you lovely child along to someone who would be so grateful.

Stepping off the soapbox now...

 

[dark_shadows]

OMG, I lost my breath reading that article. That poor boy. My heart hurts for him.

Respectfully,
dark_shadows

 

[southcitymom]

OMG, I lost my breath reading that article. That poor boy. My heart hurts for him.

Respectfully,
dark_shadows

Hello friend!:blowkiss:

It's a super sad one. I too had real trouble with it. I can't imagine that anyone wouldn't.

 

[hipmamajen]

Why do some women leave their kids with just anybody? I don't understand this.

 

[AmandaBrown23]

I couldnt bring myself to read the article but all I know is no child EVER deserves anything like that.

 

[philamena]

Heartbreaking!
That posboyfriend needs to suffer. Let's hope and pray the little one heals.
Let's also pray that the bf suffers and is convicted to the fullest extent of the law.

 

[pixies]

Again the mother should be charged. She should not be leaving the child with her boyfriend. Chances are too there has been a history of aggression with the boy, mom probably turned a blind eye to it.

I am very angry at this story!
I agree with you 100%.

When you have children they are your first priority...not your need for another loser guy to have more abused kids with.

Stupid women. You had a chance for a relationship, it didn't work, now you have kids. Raise your kids first then get a man! Stop picking men over your kids!:furious:

 

[Filly]

The police found text messages on "mom's" phone to and from her boyfriend regarding him hurting this poor baby. He actually admitted through a text that he burned this child. So, don't mom conspire and dreams up a lie. Meanwhile this poor kid is burned and has a crushed spine.http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/orl-abuse0508jan05,0,3815948.story

 

[believe09]

Time for this madness to end...let's use the WS braintrust to figure out a way...12K people have to be able to make a difference!!!

 

[miimaa]

Time for this madness to end...let's use the WS braintrust to figure out a way...12K people have to be able to make a difference!!!

Joint custody as the norm - both parents involved. Non-custodial fathers need more rights and options to act.

It is unfair that the mother does not have pay any court filing fees to set up child support but the non-custodial father always does. My son had child support set when he was making $13.00/hour. He lost that job and all he could find was $8.00/hour. The court required $250 filing fee to review his support order and then denied it anyway. The mom moved 5 hours away with the child. My son is barely making ends meet and can't afford to go to where she is. She has a another man and two additional kids now. My grandson wants to live with his dad but he can't unless the mom lets him. My son would have to prove her unfit (she's not) to gain custody even though he'd be better here because her current man is another loser that doesn't work. The biological fathers have no support system and their hands are tied. All the social services system cares about is $ over the welfare of the child.

It should not be automatic that the child lives with the mom. Both parents should be evaluated. The mother of my grandson has three kids, three different dads. She can move wherever she wants with the kids and the fathers have no say. In fact, social services told my son exactly that - that he had "no rights" where the child was concerned but he must pay child support. (I'm getting pi$$ed off about the situation just typing this!!)

 

[paddy01]

The police found text messages on "mom's" phone to and from her boyfriend regarding him hurting this poor baby. He actually admitted through a text that he burned this child. So, don't mom conspire and dreams up a lie. Meanwhile this poor kid is burned and has a crushed spine.http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/orl-abuse0508jan05,0,3815948.story

She is just as bad as him, she does not deserve to have children.

 

[believe09]

Joint custody as the norm - both parents involved. Non-custodial fathers need more rights and options to act.

It is unfair that the mother does not have pay any court filing fees to set up child support but the non-custodial father always does. My son had child support set when he was making $13.00/hour. He lost that job and all he could find was $8.00/hour. The court required $250 filing fee to review his support order and then denied it anyway. The mom moved 5 hours away with the child. My son is barely making ends meet and can't afford to go to where she is. She has a another man and two additional kids now. My grandson wants to live with his dad but he can't unless the mom lets him. My son would have to prove her unfit (she's not) to gain custody even though he'd be better here because her current man is another loser that doesn't work. The biological fathers have no support system and their hands are tied. All the social services system cares about is $ over the welfare of the child.

It should not be automatic that the child lives with the mom. Both parents should be evaluated. The mother of my grandson has three kids, three different dads. She can move wherever she wants with the kids and the fathers have no say. In fact, social services told my son exactly that - that he had "no rights" where the child was concerned but he must pay child support. (I'm getting pi$$ed off about the situation just typing this!!)

Not in my state-there is no automatic anymore which is a more level playing field. I am sorry your son does not have close contact with his child and yet still has the responsibility of child support...I have known many cases where father's do not pay child support and still visit or demand visitation with their children. I think there are many reasons for not tying the two together as frustrating as it might be for you and your son. Does your son have the capacity to raise his child? Is the home environment with your son more stable? IF the answer is yes, than he should have equal right to have his child and the social services department is wrong. He should give it a shot...