GA - Melody Onyonyor for mutilating baby girl's genitals, LaGrange, 2010
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not_my_kids
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I'm leaning in that direction myself as more comes out.
According to some of the comments on the article posted from people that supposedly know this woman, she was born and raised in Atlanta and is American. She was at one time married to an African who emigrated to the US but he is not this baby's father. She retained his name but I am not sure that they are divorced. Cultural beliefs of female circumcision don't seem to be the cause here. I wonder if any of her older children are girls and if this has been done to them also? Regardless, it is illegal in the US and she should be prosecuted for it.
I first heard of this so called fmale circumcision about 10 years ago in a copy of Marie Claire and I could not believe what I was reading! Granted I was 19 and still a bit naieve about people and things but still! Female circumcision sugar coats it, it is female genital mutilation. I do not care what they think or their reasons behind it it is horrific. I try to be open minded and respect other cultures but not when their culture says ritualistic abuse by cutting off a clitoris is ok. Not only she will never enjoy sex in the future, there's possible infertility, childbirth complications, bladder and urinary problems. Her "mother" needs to spend alot of time in jail.
Filly
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Welcome to our world, Nanny. If you can't hang with the big dogs stay on the porch.
In all honesty and not to take away from this horrific assault on this baby I have to say some of what we post makes that KC chick look like Mother Of The Year.
Your Grands are fortunate to have a wonderful Grammy like you. Welcome to this part of the board. I'm so sorry you got that upset.
cuppy199
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This women is sick how can you even believe it has anything to do with tradition, culture, and history when this women didnt even have it done to herself. Tradition, culture, and history my butt. This women needs to be off the streets and never to see this pour sweet child again:furious:
http://www.wtvm.com/Global/story.asp?S=12123133
In the comments under this link, it appears that the mother is telling friends that the baby has had this problem since birth. I find that hard to believe. I am sure that the doctors at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta where she was taken could tell the difference between a birth defect and a DIY surgical procedure. Also I would think that something would have been noted in the child's medical records at birth if she had a birth defect of any kind. If not then surely the mother would have brought it to the attention of the child's pediatrician at some point. Sorry but IMO it sounds more like an attempt by the mother to cover her sorry a$$ for what she had done because I am not buying the birth defect story.
In the comments under this link, it appears that the mother is telling friends that the baby has had this problem since birth. I find that hard to believe. I am sure that the doctors at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta where she was taken could tell the difference between a birth defect and a DIY surgical procedure. Also I would think that something would have been noted in the child's medical records at birth if she had a birth defect of any kind. If not then surely the mother would have brought it to the attention of the child's pediatrician at some point. Sorry but IMO it sounds more like an attempt by the mother to cover her sorry a$$ for what she had done because I am not buying the birth defect story.
not_my_kids
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Even I wouldn't believe birth defect.
Ok if she has had it since birth why has it just now been noticed by her father? This woman did something sick and disgusting and IMO it is a sex crime. I doubt she will be charged as such and I am pretty sure she won't do much time at all. The baby has a life sentance though and did nothing to deserve it.
Perhaps the ex husband had something to do with her thinking this was ok? IDK I can not imagine what would posess anyone to do such a thing, here in the US or in the underdeveloped countries that think this is OK.
Perhaps the ex husband had something to do with her thinking this was ok? IDK I can not imagine what would posess anyone to do such a thing, here in the US or in the underdeveloped countries that think this is OK.
Adnoid--ITA with you except on one small detail. All the boys born to me were circumcised (like their Dad). All the boys adopted by us (who all happen to be African American) were left in tact. If I had it all to do over again, everyone would be in tact as there's never been any problems and that's the way the male model comes "delivered".
However, I cringed when I read your comment that circumcision is like clipping one's toenails and female genital mutilation is more like amputating a leg. I'd like to speak up for those lovely bits and bobs on my 5 in tact sons. I don't think they'd agree that cutting off their foreskins was akin to a fingernail clipping. They're quite partial to those pieces of skin.
But you are correct that removing the foreskin (which is now, thankfully, done with anesthesia) is totally different than removing the very core of a female's sexuality. I hope everyone understands the cultural pressure behind this. It is treating women as chattel. They are not allowed to have pleasure....only pain. Notice that this practice came under fire when Africans began emigrating en masse to the US and to Europe. Cultures that were unfamiliar with this torture were unwilling to look the other way. This exact same thing happened to end the foot binding of the Asian girls. Emigration.
We need to remember that the girls' purity is for one purpose only--negotiating larger dowries. It is truly gruesome and tragic and I recommend reading the book, "Desert Flower", or watching the film. You'll never forget it. And it's not OK to say you can't stomach it as we need to be educated before we can act. We need to bear witness. 92 million females are a lot of women and girls.
The irony is that the mutilation is almost always carried out by a female and there is a "lying in" sort of ceremony, similar to the traditional foot-binding. The girls are fed the best foods and coddled and praised and then they are literally held down and cut. After several days of healing, there are feasts held for them by their families. Imagine how confusing all this is to young girls.
In all reality, I would suspect that the pain involved in both surgeries is similar, becoming greater with age and cognition. Most circumcisions of boys are done soon after birth so we hope they have little or no memory of the cutting. There are many who argue, though, and swear that the wound is permanent and never heals psychologically. We have to be mindful of what those men are saying as their bodies are theirs alone to speak for.
The difference, to my mind, is that the circumcised penis works fine and is more of like a streamlined model. The removal of the clitoris (also a small flap of skin--and I'm female, so I'm cringing here) would be equally painful but has lifelong repercussions as it is an organ of extreme sensitivity and the center for arousal for a woman. Essentially, a mutilated woman would never be able to achieve a typical orgasm. If the removal is done properly, her reproductive organs continue to function but the sex act will not hold pleasure for her.
Taking away the joy of sexual arousal is the point of all this. We have to address the cultural mechanisms behind this attitude. Another terrible problem is that the mutilation is not carried out under hygienic conditions like circumcisions and often the little girls (usually not babies, but school aged children) are crudely sewn "shut". This is where so much of the infection and damage comes from.
Anyway, just had to stand up for those "male flaps of skins" near and dear to me. Genital mutilation will only stop when there is worldwide recognition and education. Even if this woman is found to be fully African with inherent traditions (not likely it doesn't seem), she knows that the procedure is illegal in every country. But as we sit here writing more and more girls are being held down and cut.
However, I cringed when I read your comment that circumcision is like clipping one's toenails and female genital mutilation is more like amputating a leg. I'd like to speak up for those lovely bits and bobs on my 5 in tact sons. I don't think they'd agree that cutting off their foreskins was akin to a fingernail clipping. They're quite partial to those pieces of skin.
But you are correct that removing the foreskin (which is now, thankfully, done with anesthesia) is totally different than removing the very core of a female's sexuality. I hope everyone understands the cultural pressure behind this. It is treating women as chattel. They are not allowed to have pleasure....only pain. Notice that this practice came under fire when Africans began emigrating en masse to the US and to Europe. Cultures that were unfamiliar with this torture were unwilling to look the other way. This exact same thing happened to end the foot binding of the Asian girls. Emigration.
We need to remember that the girls' purity is for one purpose only--negotiating larger dowries. It is truly gruesome and tragic and I recommend reading the book, "Desert Flower", or watching the film. You'll never forget it. And it's not OK to say you can't stomach it as we need to be educated before we can act. We need to bear witness. 92 million females are a lot of women and girls.
The irony is that the mutilation is almost always carried out by a female and there is a "lying in" sort of ceremony, similar to the traditional foot-binding. The girls are fed the best foods and coddled and praised and then they are literally held down and cut. After several days of healing, there are feasts held for them by their families. Imagine how confusing all this is to young girls.
In all reality, I would suspect that the pain involved in both surgeries is similar, becoming greater with age and cognition. Most circumcisions of boys are done soon after birth so we hope they have little or no memory of the cutting. There are many who argue, though, and swear that the wound is permanent and never heals psychologically. We have to be mindful of what those men are saying as their bodies are theirs alone to speak for.
The difference, to my mind, is that the circumcised penis works fine and is more of like a streamlined model. The removal of the clitoris (also a small flap of skin--and I'm female, so I'm cringing here) would be equally painful but has lifelong repercussions as it is an organ of extreme sensitivity and the center for arousal for a woman. Essentially, a mutilated woman would never be able to achieve a typical orgasm. If the removal is done properly, her reproductive organs continue to function but the sex act will not hold pleasure for her.
Taking away the joy of sexual arousal is the point of all this. We have to address the cultural mechanisms behind this attitude. Another terrible problem is that the mutilation is not carried out under hygienic conditions like circumcisions and often the little girls (usually not babies, but school aged children) are crudely sewn "shut". This is where so much of the infection and damage comes from.
Anyway, just had to stand up for those "male flaps of skins" near and dear to me. Genital mutilation will only stop when there is worldwide recognition and education. Even if this woman is found to be fully African with inherent traditions (not likely it doesn't seem), she knows that the procedure is illegal in every country. But as we sit here writing more and more girls are being held down and cut.
not_my_kids
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Thank you Missizzy, you did it again. That mindreading thing you do.
This is what I was getting at in the original post before I knew what her actual heritage was. She is seemingly American, but if we are going to be shocked over one case, as horrific as it is, we owe the other 90 million women something as well. Now, in this case, it is seeming that the mother is just cruel, that there is likely an understanding of the law, both literal and moral, and that she did this to her child anyway, because she wanted to. No other reason.
But as larger numbers of more varied people come here, as they do everyday, things like this will become more common. And we need to be prepared for people that do not know the laws and are influenced by a whole different idea of cultural morality. We need to be prepared for people that really do not know that it is anything but a disservice to allow their daughters to grow up whole. It is barbaric and it is truly terrifying to think about how many females have been subjected to it, and how long running it is, sometimes going back through generations for many many years. Not only will the practice reach the U.S., it is already here. In the form of torture, which was apparently, the case here, but also in other forms, those that torture for their own gain and those that feel it is a necessity. In many cases, it is social programming by a male dominated, poverty stricken society that encourages people to beleive this is okay, but the belief is still prevalaent in some portions of the world.
That is the bigger picture and what needs to be addressed, IMO. Isolated cases almost always spawn from something bigger. This method of torture did not spring up over night and it didn't arrive here yesterday.
For those wondering about her sentence, here is reference to a recent similar case, also in GA.
The phrase “female genital mutilation,” the practice of removing portions of
females’ genitalia, has made its way into the lexicon of the West in a horrific
way. An article in the October 22, 2006 Atlanta Journal-Constitution started by
stating, “A father stands accused of the unthinkable: brutally cutting his
daughter’s genitals. The girl was only two.” Those words were telling because,
although this father’s act was indeed brutal and also unthinkable to most
Western readers, it was in fact, the repetition of a “social ritual” which has
occurred on a yearly basis to millions of women, girls, and infants. The father,
Khalid Adem, performed an African ritual known as FGM, a practice that is
centuries old.
Adem, a native of Ethiopia, “circumcised” his two-year old daughter with a
pair of scissors in his Duluth, Georgia apartment while his friend held her
down. The young girl’s mother did not discover that her daughter’s clitoris had
been severed until two years later. The State of Georgia prosecuted and
convicted Adem of aggravated battery and cruelty to children. Georgia has
since enacted a law which specifically forbids the practice of FGM. Adem faced
forty years in prison, but was sentenced to only ten.
http://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&q...iT-L7R&sig=AHIEtbSBPzWRAN2ib2_4TDU41S2h73ZYtQ
This is what I was getting at in the original post before I knew what her actual heritage was. She is seemingly American, but if we are going to be shocked over one case, as horrific as it is, we owe the other 90 million women something as well. Now, in this case, it is seeming that the mother is just cruel, that there is likely an understanding of the law, both literal and moral, and that she did this to her child anyway, because she wanted to. No other reason.
But as larger numbers of more varied people come here, as they do everyday, things like this will become more common. And we need to be prepared for people that do not know the laws and are influenced by a whole different idea of cultural morality. We need to be prepared for people that really do not know that it is anything but a disservice to allow their daughters to grow up whole. It is barbaric and it is truly terrifying to think about how many females have been subjected to it, and how long running it is, sometimes going back through generations for many many years. Not only will the practice reach the U.S., it is already here. In the form of torture, which was apparently, the case here, but also in other forms, those that torture for their own gain and those that feel it is a necessity. In many cases, it is social programming by a male dominated, poverty stricken society that encourages people to beleive this is okay, but the belief is still prevalaent in some portions of the world.
That is the bigger picture and what needs to be addressed, IMO. Isolated cases almost always spawn from something bigger. This method of torture did not spring up over night and it didn't arrive here yesterday.
For those wondering about her sentence, here is reference to a recent similar case, also in GA.
The phrase “female genital mutilation,” the practice of removing portions of
females’ genitalia, has made its way into the lexicon of the West in a horrific
way. An article in the October 22, 2006 Atlanta Journal-Constitution started by
stating, “A father stands accused of the unthinkable: brutally cutting his
daughter’s genitals. The girl was only two.” Those words were telling because,
although this father’s act was indeed brutal and also unthinkable to most
Western readers, it was in fact, the repetition of a “social ritual” which has
occurred on a yearly basis to millions of women, girls, and infants. The father,
Khalid Adem, performed an African ritual known as FGM, a practice that is
centuries old.
Adem, a native of Ethiopia, “circumcised” his two-year old daughter with a
pair of scissors in his Duluth, Georgia apartment while his friend held her
down. The young girl’s mother did not discover that her daughter’s clitoris had
been severed until two years later. The State of Georgia prosecuted and
convicted Adem of aggravated battery and cruelty to children. Georgia has
since enacted a law which specifically forbids the practice of FGM. Adem faced
forty years in prison, but was sentenced to only ten.
http://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&q...iT-L7R&sig=AHIEtbSBPzWRAN2ib2_4TDU41S2h73ZYtQ
IDK exactly how it is done, if just the part showing on the clitoris is just "snipped" or if they remove the part going into the body,but considering it has the same nerves as a penis I would describe it more like severing a penis instead of comparing it to foreskin removal. It is a very improtant factor in sex for women so it would come close IMO to penis removal. The clitoris extends into the body, IDK if their technique is sophisticated enough to remove the whole thing or the outside though, like I said. Either way, it's horrific.
I had come across something once on people who support FGM calling it one and the same as a male circumcison. Not that you were saying that though, I don't think that at all. But there are many who find the male version barbaric, yet its a celebration for the Jewish people. WE do it without thinking about it when we have sons. Personally my son was done, I considered the options and did it based on the hygene factor. I wasn't too sure I could trust him at an older age to pull the skin back and clean it.
Same here. I can't even wrap my mind around it. What I can't figure out is how a pediatrican didn't see it. My childrens doctor checked their genitals at well check ups. Then again why would I be dumb anough to assume that a woman who would mulitate her daughters vagina would take her to the dr regularly
not_my_kids
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I would have to say that full female circumsion, including the removal of theclitoris wouldbe more akin to the removal of the entire penis, in a male.
If only the clitoral hood were removed, then it would be more towards the tone of the male circumcisions that we know as standard, where only the foreskin of the male is removed.
I am not a doctor, but just comparison wise on the anatomy there...
That said, isn't it more female castration than circumcision?
If only the clitoral hood were removed, then it would be more towards the tone of the male circumcisions that we know as standard, where only the foreskin of the male is removed.
I am not a doctor, but just comparison wise on the anatomy there...
That said, isn't it more female castration than circumcision?
Comparing it to male circumcision just isn't even close IMO. I can't think of anything you could compare that too. I am just still shocked and horrified about it.
Any woman who tore during childbirth or had an episiotomy can tell you how bad that hurts so I can not imagine how the girls who go through this feel.
Any woman who tore during childbirth or had an episiotomy can tell you how bad that hurts so I can not imagine how the girls who go through this feel.
For the record, I am not comparing female genital mutilation to typical male circumcision. As noted above, none of us know exactly what was done to this child's genitalia. While male circumcision is quite similar where ever it is practiced, I believe that female genital mutilation can take many forms. That's why I likened it to the removal of a child's eyeball--a highly important sensory organ which adds quality of life. Of course, one can live and have a wonderful life without sight. One can live without a clitoris. However, one will be deprived of a sense that enriches us and fills us everyday. It would be horrifically cruel to deprive a child/person of that sense.
I think if we wade into the waters of circumcision/no circumcision, we'll get bogged down and polarized. Everyone has their own opinion. I was just offering up my change of heart on the matter after having the honor of raising and caring for the lovely bodies of nine male children. In no way am I saying that male circumcision removes the ability to have a rewarding sex life. I won't say that. However, I do happen to know that there is a growing number of men who are speaking out very strongly on the issue. We need to listen to them.
NMK is totally correct that this woman might be and probably is a nut case. This case might be a simple and cruel case of brutality, totally unrelated to a cultural practice. However, anything that sheds light on this barbaric practice cannot be ignored. With what we've seen lately concerning little girls being treated like chattel and whipped t death and married off at age 10 in white dresses, I'm not so sure that some radical fundamentalists might not decide that the best way to keep "their" girls under the thumb is through a process of removing all sexual pleasure. It's a frightening thought.
Remember, it was only 60-70 years ago that women who experienced anxiety or depression were deemed "hysterical" and subjected to forced hysterectomies.
I do not condone this practice but believe that the only way to stop it is through massive educational efforts and legislative change throughout the world. I linked above to the website for the WHO. I believe that Unicef also covers this issue. We have to be very careful to not condemn a society for a practice they have engaged in for thousands of years. The world society needs to step in and teach why it is wrong just as we've taught about hand-washing and AIDS prevention. This goes hand in hand with teaching the value of female children. Trust me, China's going to start realizing the value of females in about 10 years.
Genital mutilation and foot-binding is really no different than child selling, slavery and trafficking. They both kill the spirit and and maim the body.
Note: If you've ever wondered about the practice of foot-binding--the specifics and the cultural overtones, read the book, "Snow Flower and the Secret Fan". It is not for the faint of heart (as children died from this practice and it is exceptionally gruesome) but it helps us celebrate the cessation of this practice. "Desert Flower" has the same message concerning genital mutilation. Both books can be found in high school and adult libraries. I highly recommend them. Educate yourself. It's important to understand the thought processes and cultural pressures inherent in all forms of torture. One cannot merely scream, "Stop it now" without changing the societal mindset which causes it to continue.
I think if we wade into the waters of circumcision/no circumcision, we'll get bogged down and polarized. Everyone has their own opinion. I was just offering up my change of heart on the matter after having the honor of raising and caring for the lovely bodies of nine male children. In no way am I saying that male circumcision removes the ability to have a rewarding sex life. I won't say that. However, I do happen to know that there is a growing number of men who are speaking out very strongly on the issue. We need to listen to them.
NMK is totally correct that this woman might be and probably is a nut case. This case might be a simple and cruel case of brutality, totally unrelated to a cultural practice. However, anything that sheds light on this barbaric practice cannot be ignored. With what we've seen lately concerning little girls being treated like chattel and whipped t death and married off at age 10 in white dresses, I'm not so sure that some radical fundamentalists might not decide that the best way to keep "their" girls under the thumb is through a process of removing all sexual pleasure. It's a frightening thought.
Remember, it was only 60-70 years ago that women who experienced anxiety or depression were deemed "hysterical" and subjected to forced hysterectomies.
I do not condone this practice but believe that the only way to stop it is through massive educational efforts and legislative change throughout the world. I linked above to the website for the WHO. I believe that Unicef also covers this issue. We have to be very careful to not condemn a society for a practice they have engaged in for thousands of years. The world society needs to step in and teach why it is wrong just as we've taught about hand-washing and AIDS prevention. This goes hand in hand with teaching the value of female children. Trust me, China's going to start realizing the value of females in about 10 years.
Genital mutilation and foot-binding is really no different than child selling, slavery and trafficking. They both kill the spirit and and maim the body.
Note: If you've ever wondered about the practice of foot-binding--the specifics and the cultural overtones, read the book, "Snow Flower and the Secret Fan". It is not for the faint of heart (as children died from this practice and it is exceptionally gruesome) but it helps us celebrate the cessation of this practice. "Desert Flower" has the same message concerning genital mutilation. Both books can be found in high school and adult libraries. I highly recommend them. Educate yourself. It's important to understand the thought processes and cultural pressures inherent in all forms of torture. One cannot merely scream, "Stop it now" without changing the societal mindset which causes it to continue.
not_my_kids
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Edited for snark removal.
On a less snarkier note, let me say that this is not something that can be solved by sadness. It's a tradition marked by hundreds of years of sadness. And it has not stopped.
Now is the time to be constructively angry. I admit, I am not the most comfortable person in the world when it comes to discussing genitalia. And admittedly, my experience with genital mutilation is limited to some of the women that I work with at the shelters (reformed or reforming hookers) Some of them have been forced to get genital piercings that they did not want. Most were done in a back room with a paper clip or standard needle being the preferred instruments.
So I have no frame of reference, and I'm in uncomfortable waters here. But I know that this tradition has been kept alive by hundreds of years of the only ones talking being the supporters. Every one else, with few notable exceptions, is too intimidated or simply uninformed and uninterested. The way to fight this is with openness. Now I am not suggesting running around with a tee shirt "Ask me about my clitoris" but sadness makes us quiet. Let us not be quiet now, because this is the time to turn to the woman next to you in the bus station, or the adult child on the other side of the dinner table and say "I want to tell you about something that will affect you, and I hope that you are as angry and as motivated by it as I am...". If they say that it doesn't happen here, tell them the truth, that it happens so often in Georgia, USA, that a special law against it had to be enacted, specifically addressing female genital mutilation.
Even those of us that know very little, (I mean me) can be outraged. And outrage, when used appropriately can change things.
On a less snarkier note, let me say that this is not something that can be solved by sadness. It's a tradition marked by hundreds of years of sadness. And it has not stopped.
Now is the time to be constructively angry. I admit, I am not the most comfortable person in the world when it comes to discussing genitalia. And admittedly, my experience with genital mutilation is limited to some of the women that I work with at the shelters (reformed or reforming hookers) Some of them have been forced to get genital piercings that they did not want. Most were done in a back room with a paper clip or standard needle being the preferred instruments.
So I have no frame of reference, and I'm in uncomfortable waters here. But I know that this tradition has been kept alive by hundreds of years of the only ones talking being the supporters. Every one else, with few notable exceptions, is too intimidated or simply uninformed and uninterested. The way to fight this is with openness. Now I am not suggesting running around with a tee shirt "Ask me about my clitoris" but sadness makes us quiet. Let us not be quiet now, because this is the time to turn to the woman next to you in the bus station, or the adult child on the other side of the dinner table and say "I want to tell you about something that will affect you, and I hope that you are as angry and as motivated by it as I am...". If they say that it doesn't happen here, tell them the truth, that it happens so often in Georgia, USA, that a special law against it had to be enacted, specifically addressing female genital mutilation.
Even those of us that know very little, (I mean me) can be outraged. And outrage, when used appropriately can change things.
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