Found Deceased KS - Marilane Carter, 36, Overland Park, enroute to Birmingham, 2 Aug 2020 #2

[Rosegold68]

Can we please stop calling it 'a deliberate act of suicide'.

She was lost, scared, disoriented and sleep deprived. She may very well just wanted to hide in a safe place to get a few hours of sleep. Not thinking about carbon monoxide, just wanting to keep the A/C running.

it was suicide,deliberate.... that’s what it’s called, what else should we call it?

 

[DutchTreat]

it was suicide,deliberate.... that’s what it’s called, what else should we call it?

Has that been confirmed? And by whom?

 

[DutchTreat]

Twitter

Ruled suicide by carbon monoxide by the ME.

I didn't know that.

 

[NoSI]

Can we please stop calling it 'a deliberate act of suicide'.

She was lost, scared, disoriented and sleep deprived. She may very well just wanted to hide in a safe place to get a few hours of sleep. Not thinking about carbon monoxide, just wanting to keep the A/C running.

As tragic as this case is, we have to call it what it is. If we do, we can learn from it and hopefully make a difference for others in the future. If we don't, i feel we add to the stigma of mental illness. There still is a belief that a person that completes suicide looks/behaves in a certain way and may even have a certain lifestyle, but presentation is as diverse as we are.

What i am trying to say... Even if it feels uncomfortable or even cruel, Marilane was in that much pain that she likely felt not living anymore is the only way out. This was a decision she made. Now, her mental status may have affected her decision, but it had to be something she had thought about in the past. It's very uncommon to go from 0 to 100.... (no self-harm history to completed suicide).

RIP lovely Marilane!

 

[Bethan]

it was suicide,deliberate.... that’s what it’s called, what else should we call it?

‘Self-harm while acutely mentally ill’ is what we can call it.

Doesn’t mean it was pre-meditated or at least, not pre-meditated when she set out on her journey.

Doesn’t even mean it was a deliberate act.

This lady was poorly.

Perhaps signs were missed as to just how poorly she was.....or perhaps her mental state deteriorated massively during a long & stressful drive while suffering from sleep deprivation.

Unlikely we’ll ever know any more detail about her mental state & that’s how it is.

We should never underestimate the risk of self-harm in our fellow humans who are experiencing mental health problems.....even if they do have a ‘good husband & beautiful children’.

Believe me, the swing from
“ I couldn’t do it to my family” to
“ My family would be better off without me”
can happen suddenly & is a very dangerous shift in thinking.

In this case I believe this lady was suffering from delusions, which can be terrifying, & may have just been attempting to find a safe place from whoever or whatever was trying to harm her.

We may learn differently. I doubt we will.

 

[mlhenn]

Woman found dead in storage container positively identified as Marilane Carter

A woman found dead in an SUV inside a storage container in a remote field in Arkansas has positively been identified as missing Kansas mother Marilane Carter.

The Arkansas State Medical Examiners Office in Little Rock ruled her death as a suicide and the cause of death as asphyxiation from carbon monoxide, according to the Crittenden County Sheriff’s office on Friday.

 

[Rosegold68]

Look,we don’t know the facts. It’s being called suicide. If she left a note or another form of communication we won’t be privy to that

not all people are ‘poorly’ or having any kind of delusion either, you can’t even say that suicide = mentally ill with every person. My time as a police officer taught me that. Some people just choose to end their lives because of their own reasons and that’s all there is to it. Sad for those left to piece it together

my thoughts are with her husband and children

 

[mlhenn]

Whether she left a note or not is something we may never know. What her final thoughts and mindset was exactly is something we may never know. It’s extremely sad that this beautiful young lady is gone, that her life ended way too soon. But officials at the crime lab determined the official cod as suicide and that’s what we should accept as fact at this time.
MOO

 

[Sachi]

3 months ago my moms neighbor invited neighbors over to pick up lobsters he purchased and was cooking, my mom picked up 2 in his containers and delivered one to another neighbor. The following day , My mom 86 yrs old was walking to his cottage in the late afternoon to return the containers and as she looked up the hill she saw him hanging off the porch, she ran up the hill , grabbed his legs trying to prop his legs on a chair while holding him up screaming for help no one heard,M. She saw the loppers He left next to the chair, she cut him down, ran inside to call 911 but the 90 ye old woman he Took care of was sleeping and she didn't want to cause her sudden distress So she ran out to the next cottage over to call. He did this knowing the woman he cared for would not see him 1st, gave out cooked lobsters, which he doesn't eat, to neighbors the night before counting on someone ( Like my mom returning lobster containers - always looking for a reason to stop by and say hi ) else finding him.
I’m glad Marilane’s death ,ruled a suicide, did not take place where her kids or husband would find her. Im sad for her uncle- these images never leave the mind, its tough to carry, just very very tough for even the most resilient like my dear mom at 86.

 

[Tealgrove]

3 months ago my moms neighbor invited neighbors over to pick up lobsters he purchased and was cooking, my mom picked up 2 in his containers and delivered one to another neighbor. The following day , My mom 86 yrs old was walking to his cottage in the late afternoon to return the containers and as she looked up the hill she saw him hanging off the porch, she ran up the hill , grabbed his legs trying to prop his legs on a chair while holding him up screaming for help no one heard,M. She saw the loppers He left next to the chair, she cut him down, ran inside to call 911 but the 90 ye old woman he Took care of was sleeping and she didn't want to cause her sudden distress So she ran out to the next cottage over to call. He did this knowing the woman he cared for would not see him 1st, gave out cooked lobsters, which he doesn't eat, to neighbors the night before counting on someone ( Like my mom returning lobster containers - always looking for a reason to stop by and say hi ) else finding him.
I’m glad Marilane’s death ,ruled a suicide, did not take place where her kids or husband would find her. Im sad for her uncle- these images never leave the mind, its tough to carry, just very very tough for even the most resilient like my dear mom at 86.

I could tell you 2 other stories that are so similar. An interesting point about suicide is that sometimes before the person takes their life, they appear "better". The cloak of darkness has lifted and family members think they've turned a corner when, in reality, things have gotten worse. That period of euphoria is a dangerous time. The person now has a plan and they are happy. They have decided, and the weight has been lifted. They have direction and they know that the pain is going to cease.

That's why, so many times, you hear the family say they are shocked since everything seemed to be going in a new direction. He/she was getting better.

The sad part is, it was going in a new direction. We just never realize what direction it's going until it's too late. It's not our fault. It's just what happens sometimes.

 

[Deleted member 272036]

An interesting point about suicide is that sometimes before the person takes their life, they appear "better". The cloak of darkness has lifted and family members think they've turned a corner when, in reality, things have gotten worse.

Thank you for posting this.

I have had a hard time reconciling a lot of things in Marilane's case. Mom who loves her kids. Has faith. Has direction.

And still, that wasn't enough to make things okay.

There are still unknowns, and we may never be privy to them. My thought is I need to let this go, but accept the fact that where her case is leaves me uncomfortable

 

[Bethan]

Thank you for posting this.

I have had a hard time reconciling a lot of things in Marilane's case. Mom who loves her kids. Has faith. Has direction.

And still, that wasn't enough to make things okay.

There are still unknowns, and we may never be privy to them. My thought is I need to let this go, but accept the fact that where her case is leaves me uncomfortable

In total agreement with your post.

 

[Snowflake_Sue]

I got the opinion of my housemate 'Davo' who knows a bit about shipping containers (he's building a container house here in Aus). He said that if the container doors aren't tied open they act like a spinnaker and will get blown closed by the wind. That could explain the semi-closed position of the container doors without Marilane appearing to exit the car. He also commented that the container the car was in is 40ft long based on the aerial pic & orientation. If she was good at reversing, she could be 20ft inside, with the motor running vents open... if she was determined. I'm sure her phone GPS holds some answers and I hope LE have her phone.

 

[ammitty]

This poor woman. Honestly, as a suicide....at least she went painlessly.

 

[neesaki]

Twitter

Ruled suicide by carbon monoxide by the ME.

For them to be so certain she had to have left a note IMO.

 

[Denniece]

For them to be so certain she had to have left a note IMO.

Or something was said in the phone conversations with mom or husband.

 

[cluciano63]

I have had internal debates about whether or not I would leave a note...in the event I reach that point (having chronic pain these past 20 years, my biggest worry is reaching a point where I can no longer live alone)...and am not sure. A note leaves no doubt...whereas no note could indicate an accidental overdose, i.e If that is the method.

I think a note could cause guilt that no one in my case should ever have...and I would not want them to have.
Anyway I have no imminent plans, but if I did I do not think I would leave a note, for that reason.
Not everyone leaves a note...last I read I think it was about half of deaths ruled suicide?
jmo

 

[mlhenn]

For them to be so certain she had to have left a note IMO.

Bereavement due to suicide - Suicide notes
https://healthtalk.org/bereavement-due-suicide/suicide-notes
After a death by suicide survivors want to know why their loved one has died, but fewer than half of those who take their own lives leave a suicide note. Only 25-30% of suicides are accompanied by a note.


https://www.medpagetoday.com/meetingcoverage/cap/82375

In reviewing records of 657 suicide deaths autopsied at the University of Iowa Hospital and Clinics in Iowa City, Jane Persons, PhD, a postgraduate medical student at the university, reported:

• 281 individuals left suicide notes (43%)

 

[allyoucantleavebehind]

Hard thoughts on suicide and grief, with no easy answers and almost totally MOO:

• Being married to a pastor and being the mother of small children can be extremely demanding. There is so much we can't know about what that asked of her heart, her time, her emotional health, her physical health, and why "going home" to Alabama seemed like an answer that made sense.
• Since Marilane is dead, we will never know what transpired before she left--and in what condition, whether conflict or peace, she left her husband. The secrets of that marriage are buried.
• Sometimes suicides in young moms are related to the belief that they are "not good enough" or can never be "the good mom or wife"--that they are insufficient and that their family would be better off without them. Any suicide note which expressed this would be one that caused guilt.
• A suicide note can also be guiltless, like the one my friend's father left her in which he said he loved her so much and that she was the most beautiful thing he had ever done or seen but that he had been battling pain for years and doctors told him it would not end and he just wanted a choice before all the bills became what he left behind. It was hard for her but she said it would have been harder if the circumstances were different.... My heart still breaks but she throws him a party ever year on the day of his "leave-taking"... and she has found a way to cope. I think we all want to believe that the decision to take one's own life can be rational or justified, but we also have no bigger fear than losing our loved ones--so these two beliefs and cognitive states cause tension and dread in us.
• Believing that a mom would leave her little children is so hard for us. It underlies our questions about missing mothers, and our belief that foul play is involved. What's so hard about this case is that I imagine a young mom cut off from her friends and community during a pandemic, alone with her thoughts and insecurities, alone with the challenge of small children and the way one balances empathy with nurture, alone in a marriage that wasn't a space in which she could find comfort or healing or sustenance--I think this pandemic is a very dangerous time for many people with chronic illness and/or depression. It is also a dangerous time for people in marriages that require them to play difficult or stoic roles. It is just a difficult time across the board and my heart breaks for her kids and her husband and for Marilane herself--and for everyone suffering in silence tonight.

 

[Snowflake_Sue]

How on earth anyone could let her, or anyone in her described state, drive off alone into the night is beyond me. What was she running or trying to hide from?