Matt Lauer fired by NBC, accused of "inappropriate sexual behavior"

[TeaTime]

This post is so damaging to victims and women in vulnerable positions everywhere. There are so many situations in which it's not as easy as "let them know" or "walk away." This post is putting a lot of blame on victims. It's NOT empowering, it's disheartening.

Standing up for oneself is not putting the blame on the victims, it is putting the power in their hands.

And I haven't heard of a single accusation where the victim was tied up before being assaulted. In fact every one of them could have used their feet and walked out rather than submit to the creeps.

A job is easy to replace. One's dignity - not so much.

Suggesting that women are too vulnerable to stand up for themselves is the most disheartening thing I have read yet.

 

[TeaTime]

The victims are already victims. Declaring that standing up for yourself prevents victimization is damaging to those who are already harmed. JMO, as an advocate for victims and a survivor myself.

Not standing up for yourself just sets you up for more victimization. And not addressing the assault immediately just makes it easier for the creeps to do it to another person.

 

[Tawny]

Standing up for oneself is not putting the blame on the victims, it is putting the power in their hands.

And I haven't heard of a single accusation where the victim was tied up before being assaulted. In fact every one of them could have used their feet and walked out rather than submit to the creeps.

A job is easy to replace. One's dignity - not so much.

Suggesting that women are too vulnerable to stand up for themselves is the most disheartening thing I have read yet.

What the ****

 

[bellam19671]

couldnt happen to a nicer guy

 

[Tawny]

Not standing up for yourself just set you up for more victimization. And not addressing the assault immediately just makes it easier for the creeps to do it to another person.

Way to stay victim friendly *thumbs up*

 

[ATasteOfHoney]

I'm commenting on the post you made, not you as a person.

Anytime you want to contribute to this thread with empowering suggestions on what one should do in the future to avoid being a victim of workplace harassment.."..

...then by all means post it

 

[Tawny]

Anytime you want to contribute to this thread with empowering suggestions on what one should do I need the future to avoid being a victim of workplace harassment.."..

...then by all means post it

The only way to prevent workplace harassment is to take to task the PERPETRATORS which is what is happening all over the place lately.

Blaming victims for the actions of their assailants and harassers has never once prevented assault.

 

[ATasteOfHoney]

The only way to prevent workplace harassment is to take to task the PERPETRATORS which is what is happening all over the place lately.

Blaming victims for the actions of their assailants and harassers has never once prevented assault.

So you’re saying allow things to happen & then go after them for assault/sexual harassment? That just can’t be right?

And no one is victim blaming.....

 

[Tawny]

So you’re saying allow things to happen & then go after them for assault/sexual harassment? That just can’t be right?

And no one is victim blaming.....

Sure. That's exactly what I'm saying.

Conversation going nowhere.

 

[ATasteOfHoney]

I think if we have a conversation that engages the concepts on what to do in the future to prevent victimization, that’s worthy.

 

[EuTuCroquet?]

You haven’t seen anyone here empower targets to step forward? ... By supporting all the people who have? By talking about their own and others’ experiences. By women bravely stepping out and being the change they want to see.

Discussing historical abuse and/or why women sometimes don’t or can’t speak out isn’t the same telling anyone to “go along” with harassment, imo. It’s the context that supports how gut-wrenching and soul-stealing these experiences are.

MOO ❤️

ETA: I guess I’m saying, too, that I see and empathize with all sides of this discussion. Discussion is good. It’s what could and should be - and is - happening right now. And it’s important.

You’re bordering on a personal attack & you don’t know me. My words of empowerment are for **future events** like when your creepy Matt L boss next week asks you to unbutton your blouse.

Anyone can & should offer their guidance here on WS but I have yet to hear any poster do so. No one should go along with harassment because the end results are soul-stealing & gut wrenching. That’s my own opinion.

Go along with it (the harassment) is some crazy guidance......and sorry, I’m not going to give that.

 

[MaryG12]

Subtle empowerment might be the solution in this case.

I am not saying a woman should drag her husband/boyfriend into the workplace (maybe as a last resort to nicely introduce the sexual harasser to him, only when he discovers the husband/boyfriend is much bigger than he is).

But to say positive things about the husband/boyfriend (no, it doesn't mean bragging about how good he is in bed) how wonderful he is etc etc etc.

And most working women I know have pictures of family on their desks/bulletin boards so it's not like the sexual harasser is totally unaware.

Rather what I am saying is, let it sink into the sexual harasser's head. It may be hard at first but if you repeat the same material about said husband/boyfriend...

And, if for whatever reason he crosses the line, then it is time to start looking for a new job.

I don't know that there are any jobs worth sacrificing for.

Just my two cents.

 

[MaryG12]

Oh and don't forget to wear steel-toed shoes to work they can be a woman's best friend

LOL

 

[EuTuCroquet?]

Jumping off your post.

Subtle empowerment is too often ignored in workplace environments where harassment flourishes. So is outright refusal, saying no, reporting the behavior, etc. I believe that’s part of the point of so many of these personal stories.

Yes, say it. Often. Repeat it. Everyone. Whisper, shout, sue, all of it, to the best you’re able to.

Just like women have been doing for decades already.

The tide’s been rising for years.

The dam is breaking.

Change is imminent.

Let’s not turn on each other or accuse anyone else of not doing it right. Because we’re doing it right.

We’re doing it. Together.

Subtle empowerment might be the solution in this case.

I am not saying a woman should drag her husband/boyfriend into the workplace (maybe as a last resort to nicely introduce the sexual harasser to him, only when he discovers the husband/boyfriend is much bigger than he is).

But to say positive things about the husband/boyfriend (no, it doesn't mean bragging about how good he is in bed) how wonderful he is etc etc etc.

And most working women I know have pictures of family on their desks/bulletin boards so it's not like the sexual harasser is totally unaware.

Rather what I am saying is, let it sink into the sexual harasser's head. It may be hard at first but if you repeat the same material about said husband/boyfriend...

And, if for whatever reason he crosses the line, then it is time to start looking for a new job.

I don't know that there are any jobs worth sacrificing for.

Just my two cents.

 

[Tawny]

We can easily sit here and say it's not worth sacrificing our dignity or whatever, but have we never been in a situation where if we lose our job, we're homeless? If we have to quit, we may not get to eat next week? Hindsight is always 20/20 but it's never as black and white as that.

One of my stories is that I had a stellar job on a watch floor for a three-letter agency and at first it was wonderful. Then the harassment started. "Why do you wear heels when your legs are already so long?" and more and worse until I filed a complaint. Then? Crickets. Nobody did anything.

He was the hiring manager for the entire agency. There was no way I'd get a job in that agency again if I quit this one. Need to supply a reference to your next potential employer? They're going to call your former employer and what do you think that former employer would do if you left on bad terms because you "stood up for yourself" and quit the job over harassment? Not gonna be a glowing recommendation is it?

We need to be realistic and understand that sometimes it's more than sacrificing this one job, this one position at this one company. Sometimes, there's a threat that it will literally end your entire career and then what?

Instead of "empowering" women by making them feel ****** for not reporting and not standing up for themselves, how about we prosecute harassers and abusers? Instead of making excuses like what happens all up and down these threads (oh she lied about the signature, he just wanted a child so badly, but it was 30 years ago!, she kept dating him after, on and on and on).

If you want to empower women, believe them. Stand by them.

 

[MaryG12]

I think if we have a conversation that engages the concepts on what to do in the future to prevent victimization, that’s worthy.

BBM

Prevention being the key word, I am very much in favor of prevention.

 

[ATasteOfHoney]

We can easily sit here and say it's not worth sacrificing our dignity or whatever, but have we never been in a situation where if we lose our job, we're homeless? If we have to quit, we may not get to eat next week? Hindsight is always 20/20 but it's never as black and white as that.

One of my stories is that I had a stellar job on a watch floor for a three-letter agency and at first it was wonderful. Then the harassment started. "Why do you wear heels when your legs are already so long?" and more and worse until I filed a complaint. Then? Crickets. Nobody did anything.

He was the hiring manager for the entire agency. There was no way I'd get a job in that agency again if I quit this one. Need to supply a reference to your next potential employer? They're going to call your former employer and what do you think that former employer would do if you left on bad terms because you "stood up for yourself" and quit the job over harassment? Not gonna be a glowing recommendation is it?

We need to be realistic and understand that sometimes it's more than sacrificing this one job, this one position at this one company. Sometimes, there's a threat that it will literally end your entire career and then what?

Instead of "empowering" women by making them feel ****** for not reporting and not standing up for themselves, how about we prosecute harassers and abusers? Instead of making excuses like what happens all up and down these threads (oh she lied about the signature, he just wanted a child so badly, but it was 30 years ago!, she kept dating him after, on and on and on).

If you want to empower women, believe them. Stand by them.

I’m all for speaking out against abusers but you don’t want to go along with the abuse and then speak out against them later because by that point, you’ve already endured too much.

 

[Madeleine74]

This thread has gone off topic, as threads often do.

Lauer's accuser who came forward (with attorney in tow) was believed. She had never submitted a complaint about Lauer before. But she had documented what occurred, she had proof, and she addressed it with the corporate HR and Legal departments, which was the correct place to take such a complaint. And action came swiftly because there was proof and it couldn't be denied.

Now especially, since companies do have policies about harassment in the workplace, and instructions where and how to report such an incident, everyone should feel empowered to speak up. It's vital to document the incident with as much detail as possible. Companies are taking this seriously. Maybe not 15 to 20 years ago, but they are now.

 

[illyana]

How do we go forward? Demand PCL-R Hare Psychopathy tests for everyone in Hollywood. Bye, bye *******s.

 

[PaulR]

Yeah, Hollywood, where high-profile actors still work with child rapist Roman Polanski.