GUILTY MI - Kelli Stapleton, attempted murder of 14yo daughter, Benzie County, 3 Sept 2013

[DairyGirl]

OT sorta - thank you all for sharing your personal stories. It helps to understand the different thought processes, and the totally different takes on this situation from different parts of the country and parents of children who possess some of these diagnoses.

No denying it is sad - some are sad for the whole family, some only for Issy, and some for mom too.

Never considered MBP but will now go back and read some of the blog with that in mind.

Also, can you really take a 14 year old to protective services and tell them you can't care for the child any longer and they will say ok, we'll take this child? I saw someone posit that upthread and just wanted to know if that was true.

My heart goes out to so many of you, for your struggles, for your triumphs, for your beautiful children.

Don't quote me on this but my understanding is that you can't just drop a child off at children's services or the police station (unless it is under the safe haven law) and say you are done with them. There is child abandonment to consider plus all kinds of hearings to make the child a ward of the state. And from what I understand, the parents are financially responsible for the cost of the child's care, which I am sure can get very expensive if they are placed in residential treatment or a therapeutic foster home. A child is not like an unwanted pet that you can drop off at the shelter. You can ask for help and respite but given the financial troubles most social services of having there isn't a lot out there and I would imagine that what there is probably has a long waiting list. I also don't imagine, despite what some people say, that there a lot of people volunteering to take in a violent teen. If you are then God bless you. I can't imagine anyone volunteering for that, especially if there are other children in the home but I know there are angels on earth that are called for this kind of service. I also imagine that the burn out from caring for a child with these kind of needs is very high.
What I am saying is do not judge this woman until you have walked a mile in her shoes. I doubt there is a one of you who wouldn't want those shoes off as soon as possible. And no, again, I am in no way condoning in any fashion her behavior. I am only trying to understand and have some compassion for what this family has lived with for 14 years. I pray for all involved.

 

[Mahouston69]

OT sorta - thank you all for sharing your personal stories. It helps to understand the different thought processes, and the totally different takes on this situation from different parts of the country and parents of children who possess some of these diagnoses.

No denying it is sad - some are sad for the whole family, some only for Issy, and some for mom too.

Never considered MBP but will now go back and read some of the blog with that in mind.

Also, can you really take a 14 year old to protective services and tell them you can't care for the child any longer and they will say ok, we'll take this child? I saw someone posit that upthread and just wanted to know if that was true.

My heart goes out to so many of you, for your struggles, for your triumphs, for your beautiful children.

Here in California, yes, you can. You then agree to go to Court and willingly give up your parental rights which is what the birth mother of my twins did when they were 12. We adopted them a month later. They are now 24.

 

[KrazyKatLadi]

I'm so glad none of my kids have major problems or I'd probably be a thread on here too. I can't imagine her stress of dealing with a child like that for 14 years. I couldn't do it. Just a sad story all around.

 

[Sonya610]

I'm so glad none of my kids have major problems or I'd probably be a thread on here too. I can't imagine her stress of dealing with a child like that for 14 years. I couldn't do it. Just a sad story all around.

The last entry in her blog says the state agreed to pay for in home care and Kelli had a staffing agency that was training staff to care for the girl at home. Then the school was also going to take the kid during the day.

The mom was all excited about the fact that Izzy would have her "very own person" to care for her all day!

If you are at the "end of your rope" and suddenly you get free help to care for the kid all day long in a private setting (including your own home) what more could you ask for?

Then it goes on to say how she got into a fight with the school that was going to accept Izzy over some minor details and now they won't accept her.

Something is wrong with this mother and I have to wonder if that seriously contributed to Izzy's behavior problems. Early in this thread someone mentioned MBP and yeah that seems like a real possibility.

 

[especiallyheather]

This story, this child... this mother.

On one hand I get the feeling of helplessness that we assume she felt. I lived it for 9.5 years. Wondering, hoping and praying that the funding would come thru. Living with a child that has aggression (albeit, Emma was all of 35 lbs. she could still scratch, kick, spit, and punch with the best of them) is not an easy role that a mother gladly signs up for. We all pray that our children come into this world healthy and whole, but for some of us.... it just doesn't work out that way. When I watch the videos of Izzy and her mom, I see a little girl BEGGING to be let out of her caged mind, and the only way she knows how to communicate those basic needs is through aggression. Imagine being fully aware of your surroundings, but being trapped in a world were everything is upside down. You can't communicate the way others "deem appropriate" and when you communicate the only way your brain knows how, you are yelled at or punished. I see a mom who (like so many mothers of severely autistic children) is trying to cope, hiding behind the "I am strong enough to handle this on my own" and failing miserably.. just look at the outcome. I fully understand the determination and organization that it takes to handle an autistic child, (I absolutely adored the video where Izzy was giving tokens for the iPad, that was spot on.) but when it overtakes your life and your decision making skills, it is time to step back and evaluate who you are doing this for.

It is a sad case all around. Yet honestly, not an unheard of one. Mom has the "I can tackle the world of autism" attitude, and Izzy is a severely autistic aggressive girl.

Honestly, I miss my daughter every second of every day. Yet I am so very thankful that she is not trapped in a body and mind that she had no control over while she was here. I chose not to write on my blog when things were going terribly wrong with Emma's behavior because... those times were not about me, they were about helping my beautifully autistic child cope with the world around her that she didn't understand.

There are many things that we as outsiders do not know about this situation, yet that is exactly what we are... outsiders looking in. :heartbeat:

As I said, it is a sad case all around. This entire family is my prayers.

 

[burbqueen]

Ok, no one take offense but I cannot believe that people are suggesting euthanasia!? Seriously? Wow. Yeah that's nazi stuff. That scares me cause it starts out with severely mentally and physically children then morphs into kids not being wanted cause they cry too much. Can't people see how the very nature of humans can lead to a good idea going bad? The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

I have a healthy child and I cannot fathom the pain and suffering families face having a developmentally challenged child. But, you do what you have to do for the best interest of everyone. If that means putting your child in an institution then so be it. If it means divorcing a spouse who refuses to help then so be it. If it means swallowing your pride and asking for help so be it. Killing another person isn't an option. If you tired then if you married then leave. Walk out that door if you feeling the itch to kill.

I don't get the super human martyrdom complex a lot of women feel they need to project. She's blogging and having her pity party instead of turning to her family, church, friends etc. it's her right to do it but yeah probably not the best idea. There is no shame in saying you can't or won't anymore. No shame.

 

[Flinders]

Her blog post from May 14th 2013 details her power at the school (parent randomly walking around) and influencing the other students.

Her power was taken away when they would not support her teaching plan even though her husband is the Principal.

I think this is more about the husband and not about a medical condition spanning 14 years.

Moo.

 

[Flinders]

Considering that her Mom tried to kill her, no wonder she was violent when ever she was with her Mom.

This was not a mercy killing. They had more funding than most if not all in Mi. She had many weeks of respite but couldn't sleep because of funding cuts?

Why would she prance around with a special belt with a behaviour chart as big as her torso in public. Look at me, I am doing my best. No kid wants this. Hi, I'm Autistic, meet my Mom and my naughty or nice chart.

I may believe that she was not money and publicity hoarding if she included in one of her blogs about the effects of diet (soda video) and hormones in girls.

 

[Flinders]

My first WS rant. Sorry you had to witness.

I know ASD and I am hurt by her blogs.

 

[Liebchenmutti]

Ok, no one take offense but I cannot believe that people are suggesting euthanasia!? Seriously? Wow. Yeah that's nazi stuff. That scares me cause it starts out with severely mentally and physically children then morphs into kids not being wanted cause they cry too much. Can't people see how the very nature of humans can lead to a good idea going bad? The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

I have a healthy child and I cannot fathom the pain and suffering families face having a developmentally challenged child. But, you do what you have to do for the best interest of everyone. If that means putting your child in an institution then so be it. If it means divorcing a spouse who refuses to help then so be it. If it means swallowing your pride and asking for help so be it. Killing another person isn't an option. If you tired then if you married then leave. Walk out that door if you feeling the itch to kill.

I don't get the super human martyrdom complex a lot of women feel they need to project. She's blogging and having her pity party instead of turning to her family, church, friends etc. it's her right to do it but yeah probably not the best idea. There is no shame in saying you can't or won't anymore. No shame.

Great post!!! YES!!! If you have to cut your right leg off so your child can get help, then you do that! ITA that this woman is an attention-seeker and not a "supermom" who just couldn't get any assistance from any one or any agency.

Being a mom is a selfless proposition--and when your kid is autistic or disabled or just different, this selflessness goes into overdrive.

I used to be the biggest princess with hair & makeup & cute figure--and now I live in yoga pants & sneakers and there's no point in doing my hair and makeup since I'll just get mascara in my eyes from rubbing them in fatigue. And I have changed because my children are special needs and they are still very young & since I decided to have them, they deserve my 100% effort.

JMO!

 

[Liebchenmutti]

<modsnip>

We are so alike in our thinking!!!! I had a 20 week ultrasound & the perinatologist found 3 "soft markers" for Down's, so I had to have an amnio. He basically started pitching abortion before he even stuck the needle in! I was a mess-I was alone, my husband was out of town, I had severe bronchitis & a 2 year old in tow. I kept telling them that abortion was not an option for me--and they wouldn't listen. Nightmare. My son does not have Down's, but he is autistic and still won't speak at age 6. However, he is PERFECT! Even when he gets frustrated and pinches me!

It's a heinous fact that 90% of Down's babies are aborted, and the real reason is that the Ob/Gyn doesn't want to get sued. Sick world.

My brother's son has William's Syndrome, so I can relate to other moms who struggle daily but don't feel the need to "euthanize" their children.

Her blog post from May 14th 2013 details her power at the school (parent randomly walking around) and influencing the other students.

Her power was taken away when they would not support her teaching plan even though her husband is the Principal.

I think this is more about the husband and not about a medical condition spanning 14 years.

Moo.

YES!!! That's exactly what I got from reading her blog. She started flipping out and her daughter hadn't even gotten home yet--and school had not started. She really comes off as toxic.

Considering that her Mom tried to kill her, no wonder she was violent when ever she was with her Mom.

This was not a mercy killing. They had more funding than most if not all in Mi. She had many weeks of respite but couldn't sleep because of funding cuts?

Why would she prance around with a special belt with a behaviour chart as big as her torso in public. Look at me, I am doing my best. No kid wants this. Hi, I'm Autistic, meet my Mom and my naughty or nice chart.

I may believe that she was not money and publicity hoarding if she included in one of her blogs about the effects of diet (soda video) and hormones in girls.

My first WS rant. Sorry you had to witness.

I know ASD and I am hurt by her blogs.

Congrats on your very first WS rant!! I loved it! :floorlaugh: And I totally agree.

 

[TorisMom003]

Who is the woman in the video? And that is the father/husband? Am on a phone, when was it loaded? And why is Kelli's name spelled wrong? It's sick imo.

The woman in the video is the "mother", Kelli Stapleton. Not sure about who the male in the video is. The video says it was uploaded 3 years ago. The title of the video is Kelly's Kittens and the "mother" Kelli says something to another Kelly so I would assume the kittens do not belong to the "mother". ETA: The video was uploaded Oct 3, 2009. The man seen in the video does not appear to be dad/husband. However there is another male involved that is recording the video, you can hear him talking while recording.


Now, after watching the video I have even more questions. Issy would have been around 11 yrs old at the time this video was made. This video shows how to be cruel to animals, even though they clearly are "joking" instead of actually following through with the things they pretend to do. Who in their right mind thinks that it is acceptable to show your three children, one who is autistic, how to put a kitten in the dryer, in the microwave, in the oven, feed them rat poisen, put them in a pillow and swing them around hitting them against a wall, give them wine to drink, toss them across a room from one person to another???????? And if the father was involved in making this video or even knew they were making it, would the parents of his school really feel that he is acceptable to be in charge of their children????????

I want to know when Issy first began with the violent outbursts. Was it before or after this video was made? If before, then "mother" and dad should have known that it was an extremely bad idea to have Issy watching AND involved in it. If it was after, does it occur to "mother" and dad that perhaps this video was one of the reasons WHY Issy became violent? It is hard enough for kids to understand reality vs fiction but in the case of an autistic child, doesn't the autism make it even more difficult to understand the difference?

This video shows me an epic fail when it comes to parenting.

MOO

 

[lost indie]

The woman in the video is the "mother", Kelli Stapleton. Not sure about who the male in the video is. The video says it was uploaded 3 years ago. The title of the video is Kelly's Kittens and the "mother" Kelli says something to another Kelly so I would assume the kittens do not belong to the "mother". ETA: The video was uploaded Oct 3, 2009. The man seen in the video does not appear to be dad/husband. However there is another male involved that is recording the video, you can hear him talking while recording.


Now, after watching the video I have even more questions. Issy would have been around 11 yrs old at the time this video was made. This video shows how to be cruel to animals, even though they clearly are "joking" instead of actually following through with the things they pretend to do. Who in their right mind thinks that it is acceptable to show your three children, one who is autistic, how to put a kitten in the dryer, in the microwave, in the oven, feed them rat poisen, put them in a pillow and swing them around hitting them against a wall, give them wine to drink, toss them across a room from one person to another???????? And if the father was involved in making this video or even knew they were making it, would the parents of his school really feel that he is acceptable to be in charge of their children????????

I want to know when Issy first began with the violent outbursts. Was it before or after this video was made? If before, then "mother" and dad should have known that it was an extremely bad idea to have Issy watching AND involved in it. If it was after, does it occur to "mother" and dad that perhaps this video was one of the reasons WHY Issy became violent? It is hard enough for kids to understand reality vs fiction but in the case of an autistic child, doesn't the autism make it even more difficult to understand the difference?

This video shows me an epic fail when it comes to parenting.

MOO

I do not believe that was Kelli in that video. Kelli was out of town at that time...imo

eta....it is OBVIOUSLY made for kelli. says so right in the video...

 

[Hejlena]

Ok bear with me-I'm going to try to do this diplomatically. This post is not in response to anyone in particular.

I do have empathy for this woman. Empathy is tying to put ourselves in someone else's shoes and be compassionate. I try to have empathy for every human being.

BUT, and this is a big one. Empathy for another's situation cannot involve condoning evil actions. I can't help but try to make comparisons in our thinking when it comes to something like this. Apples to oranges? Maybe, but bear with me.

Why when a child is disabled to we give a pass to a parent who kills them or attempts to? Because the child is challenging to raise, because the pressures on the parent are enormous, because the resources are scarce or there is a perception that the resources are scarce for the parent/family/child. Because the child was aggressive or violent either toward the parent or the parent was afraid the child should be aggressive or violent toward others. Because, in essence, we are saying--things were really really hard for you. We get it.

Now let's draw a parallel. It won't be a perfect parallel, but please bear with me.

We have a young mother or father. Born into a chaotic, dysfunctional, alcoholic, dysfunctional, perhaps sexually or physically abusive environment. Try as society might to intervene when this mother/father was an innocent and vulnerable young child growing up in an environment of pure s*^t, this mother/father was not able to be lifted out of this environment and taught something different. Some children are resilient and may have the wherewithal and the strength and the pure happenstance of encountering something or things in their life that will allow them to grow into caring and healthy adults. Many will not, and so we are left with a mother/father who repeats this cycle.

This mother/father has a child or children. This mother or father does not have the emotional capacity to show love or care for this child. This mother or father never learned the skills to deal with the stress involved in raising a child, maintaining a job or a household, and navigating their way through the outside world to obtain resources to care for this child. This mother/father may indeed have grown up in an environment where for whatever reason they now think it's okay to have a variety of sex offenders, drug/alcohol abusers, physically violent people in and around their family. Indeed, they may not know how to interact with people who are not this way.

Now, the child of this mother begins acting up at home or school, talking back, stealing, acting out in a way that the mother/father does not know how to handle.

The mother or father does not have the intellectual capacity to ask for help, write a blog detailing their very real troubles, or fundraiser to find appropriate care for their family. It's just not in their realm of skills.

One night, this mother/father gets angry. Reaches the end of their rope. Loses control and beats the child to death out of anger. Or tries a murder/suicide but only succeeds in the murder part.

Again, bear with me because I am trying to be clear in my comparison, but it may not come out as clearly as it does in my head.

The point I'm trying to make is here is another human being that was stressed, without resources or skills, and reached their breaking point and hurt or killed a child. And I don't see as a society that we excuse them. I would hope that we have empathy for this mother/father, but it not something we discuss here or in the news reports comments section or on CNN discussion panels. We do not say, "well, I mean look at how hard things were for her/him--I can easily put myself in her/his shoes, and we don't condone it but WE UNDERSTAND."

We only really have this discussion when the child is disabled.

 

[Sonya610]

Ok, no one take offense but I cannot believe that people are suggesting euthanasia!? Seriously? Wow.

Yeah I think there is more than a bit of drama and exaggeration in the "euthanasia" statement.

Unless someone is posting stuff all over the internets and gushing about the child and problems and attracting trolls....no one is actually saying "you should euthanize that child!" Maybe the comment was Freudian in nature.

When mothers of young/dependant children commit suicide it is not at all unusual for them to take the children along (i.e. kill the kids too) because of attachment and a refusal to abandon them. Usually women with dependent children are at the lowest risk of suicide because of the sense of obligation.

I think the Mom is more than a bit crazy as is the child.

I have dealt with aggressive dogs and they respond to reason and encouragement and logic. I have to say if I had a crazy violent child that attacked me frequently I don't know what i would do....I would probably be arrested for child abuse when the shock collar came out. I could not deal with it and wouldn't deal with it.

 

[Sonya610]

The point I'm trying to make is here is another human being that was stressed, without resources or skills, and reached their breaking point and hurt or killed a child. And I don't see as a society that we excuse them. I would hope that we have empathy for this mother/father, but it not something we discuss here or in the news reports comments section or on CNN discussion panels. We do not say, "well, I mean look at how hard things were for her/him--I can easily put myself in her/his shoes, and we don't condone it but WE UNDERSTAND."

We only really have this discussion when the child is disabled.

Uhhh...the mother was NOT without resources. The state agreed to pay for in home private care. They had a microwave and a dryer and such (obviously based on the lovely kitten video). A nurse was supposed to go to school with the girl every day and care for her UNTIL the mother started arguing with the school.

The mother is more than a bit nuts. Did you see her blog? All of the dramatic gifs and photos and the few vids of Izzy and the mother were together. Get it? The mother got credit for dancing with her, giving her tokens, being beaten by her etc....

NO videos of Izzy by herself, the mother was always the centerpiece.

When I take videos of my loved ones THEY are the focus of the video/photo.

 

[Hejlena]

Uhhh...the mother was NOT without resources. The state agreed to pay for in home private care. They had a microwave and a dryer and such (obviously based on the lovely kitten video). A nurse was supposed to go to school with the girl every day and care for her UNTIL the mother started arguing with the school.

The mother is more than a bit nuts. Did you see her blog? All of the dramatic gifs and photos and the few vids of Izzy and the mother were together. Get it? The mother got credit for dancing with her, giving her tokens, being beaten by her etc....

NO videos of Izzy by herself, the mother was always the centerpiece.

When I take videos of my loved ones THEY are the focus of the video/photo.

I never said the mother was without resources. A more than cursory scan of my post would show that I was using that as one of the examples some give when excusing the parent of a disabled child for hurting them.

As to your previous post, the child is not crazy, she is autistic. Big difference, and way different than an aggressive dog.

 

[Mahouston69]

I get it. Emotionally draining, yes. Physically exhausting, yes. I've lived it for 21 years. I have gone days without sleep~ up with my Autistic son who can die in his sleep from his type 1 diabetes. Who cannot say "help me" with spoken words but must use his iPad, sign language with those who understand it, or yes, behavior. My God, being trapped in a non verbal, medically fragile, nursing dependent body for him is far far more excruciating for him, than me. I'm a very empathetic person. I cry at the National Anthem, and Military home comings on youtube. I used to cry at the AT&T commercials. I am so livid and disgusted at this woman's pity party with the wealth of resources she had and yet still, she tries to murder. She was and is a drama queen, probably never meant to kill herself either but get everyone to do her "bidding" out of sympathy. Harming, and nearly killing her own flesh and blood that God gave her to protect. That she created with her husband and carried in her body. Her One and Only job on the planet. Ugh! No sympathy. No empathy. She should never be ever allowed to see, speak or be around her daughter ever again. ever.

 

[Flossie JMO]

I never said the mother was without resources. A more than cursory scan of my post would show that I was using that as one of the examples some give when excusing the parent of a disabled child for hurting them

As to your previous post, the child is not crazy, she is autistic. Big difference, and way different than an aggressive dog.

.
Bbm. Yes. The child is autistic, and I would not call her or her mother crazy. And completely OT imo, not all "aggressive" dogs respond.

 

[TorisMom003]

I do not believe that was Kelli in that video. Kelli was out of town at that time...imo

eta....it is OBVIOUSLY made for kelli. says so right in the video...

Sorry but it is Kelli Stapleton in the video. I will include another video of Kelli and Issy to show that it is the same woman. I will also include a photo of Kelli. I have seen reference to another Kelly that is apparently a close friend of theirs. Also the man in the video is asked a question of something along the lines about saying something to his daughter Kelly.

issy plays with dolls - YouTube

http://www.birthstoriesondemand.com/home/tag/kelli-stapleton