NY NY - Robert Mayer, 46, Dix Hills, 14 Jun 2013 - # 7

[TravelingBug]

Why would he go home for 10 mins?

Because really, if he was going to kill himself, would he make the effort to just drop the $300 off?

I mean, especially given what their lifestyle seems to have been, that's really not THAT much money.

Would it have been worth risking running into IM (or anyone else who might deter him from killing himself if that were what happened?) just to drop the little bit of money off? Heck, with their home, would that have covered utilities even for one hot month of summer?

But then, that really does make the return home odd...

To me, in some ways that actually points away from suicide.

And, really, the returning home period seems really risky if he were leaving voluntarily, too... because it IS afternoon. IM could be home and/or kids coming/going soon - and if not his own family, neighbors/kids coming/going.

I see far more of my neighbors between 3-4:30 or so than any other time of the day. And my neighborhood is far less apt to have had one spouse not needing to work as I'd guess may be the case in their neighborhood, just based on what's been shared by those who know it. So to me, that even ups the odds that that time frame could be pretty 'high traffic' there, too.

Coming home at that time, IMO, put him at a HUGE risk of a suicide plan or a voluntary departure being thwarted by one of his family members or a neighbor (even if it's just that someone would have seen him and which way he went and if he was alone - if he was leaving to be with someone perhaps). I mean, missing IM by 10-ish minutes?

Either one of them was tipped off to the other coming/going, or HE wasn't the one in his car and thus he wasn't risking coming home so briefly and she was (like the theory presented by our new poster) driving it, or he got REALLY lucky timing wise, whatever his reasons.

Right? Or what other options am I missing?

A really lucky criminal, I guess? But LE seems to definitely not think that's the case...

 

[Momoffourboys]

Interesting...

So not a huge effort being made to get the word out about him missing...

LE not only doesn't think foul play at this point, but family/friends must not either?

No real "please just come back" - as if they think he's missing by choice?
No "we've got to find this guy he's in danger" - as if he's missing not by choice?
And not even "did anyone see" - as if to be concerned about suicide or...?

Heck, I see signs around town for missing people all the time - plastered everywhere (for the same individual or two) - and they don't have a thread on WS nor have I even really heard it on the news, but I've seen the signs everywhere.

Interesting that it sounds like neither method is really being used (signs or news media) and really it doesn't sound like much urgency from anyone?

No. It is not big news here.
In the past three months i think i have seen one flyer...and that was at
A gas station. I live in the immediate area.

Since RM has gone missing, i have mentioned it to at least a dozen people. I would say two or three heard of it. I actually have a friend who is a local politician...never heard about this case.

I find it disturbing an frustrating. Every single local should know about this case and should see a photo. He could be hurt or unable to communicate and right under our noses.

While i know the "search group" has put in hours and hours of hanging flyer and spreading the word...the media has completely ignored the RM case on long island.

 

[TravelingBug]

Well he did go home for 10 mins... Why bother if your going to end it all?
Left a note? By the time you read this ill be gone???
Or to grab a bag he had packed and decided to get it when Ida wasn't home.
He needed something from that house I cant see him cming home to just leave his wallet and the money...Why would he care if he was leaving?
300.00 isn't going to help his family any.

Oops, should have read a few posts further before replying.

You much more succinctly said pretty much what I just said :blushing: LOL

The wallet/phone seem planted to me the more I think about it.

I can't see him risking going home, even to grab things - again, way too risky, IMO - if he were leaving voluntarily. I'd think he'd have either planned ahead enough to have already taken stuff (heck, at 4 am who'd have seen him leave with much?)...or kept the $300 and used it to cover necessities if he didn't have a bag. Besides, we haven't heard a bag or anything else is missing, have we?

So then that's back to it doesn't seem like he'd have been the one who did it. And if someone did something to him between the scrap place and home, then THEY'D not have taken him but not his money, would they? That seems REALLY odd...

And then again, how would that explain the stop by the house? A person takes RM, but is kind enough to leave his wallet and money at the house? No way...(nevermind that if someone did that to him then they'd have probably not only NOT left the wallet/money, but they'd have taken stuff during the stop at the house).

The whole scrap yard visit is odd...especially with the money left (do we only know it was the same amount? I saw someone say there is a receipt but I've not seen that linked? Is it just that it matches how much the scrap place say he got maybe?)

If he had come home and had an exchange with IM (going along with our new poster's theory) that ended badly, and her driving off (in his car to strand him) and he left in a huff on his bike THAT would make the wallet/money possibly make a bit more sense.

He could have come home from work as normal, set down his wallet and phone, an argument happened, she left and he left and he maybe didn't even realize he didn't have it...and then she put it in the garage to make the whole thing have a different appearance maybe?

I'd think if they'd had an argument and he left quickly as well, unless he had a plan - or he truly didn't intend to STAY gone - that he'd have grabbed his wallet and money so he could go somewhere even just for a drink to "cool down."

If he left, by bike, from the house and in a hurry - forgetting his wallet b/c of doing so in a hurry or b/c he planned to be back - THEN I could see something happening unintentionally to him.

Getting hit on his bike?

An accident on his own?

Or then feeling trapped/despondent/bad - or even stupid if he got word that she'd reported him missing - and so feeling like suicide was his only option b/c now everyone knew their marriage wasn't perfect or something?

That to me would make far more sense as far as explaining the wallet, plus LE not thinking foul play, plus her reporting it quite quickly, plus then maybe suicide being the result but NOT a pre-planned thing?

If they'd had an argument at the house, or even if it had started on the phone, maybe it could have been over something like drugs/alcohol and a confrontation over that? That could fit with leaving and not intending not to come back, but then she reported him missing so quickly he'd know people would eventually ask/find out/etc. why they were fighting and he left or something and then he didn't feel he could face everyone?

Heck, that'd even make a case for voluntarily staying gone if NONE of his leaving was planned.

 

[TravelingBug]

I think he had decided to leave and whatever he had stashed at the house he just "happened" to get when she wasn't there??? that's why I think he had eyes on the house somebody either helping him or he had that security app on his iphone and knew she wasn't there ...and why no contact with her the rest of the day???? after 9am no contact and he talked to her for 45 min??? so many holes no matter what scenario you come up with nothing fits like a glove with any theory

But unless his "eyes" on the house was someone who was with her, or unless he had a tracker on her car, he wouldn't know when she was returning.

As it is they nearly ran into one another - assuming he was driving his car and she was driving her car, of course.

How could someone have known when exactly she'd be back?

It clearly was a VERY narrow window of time and that just seems oddly risky for any of the scenarios - suicide or a planned leaving by choice - since even if someone knew where she went, they couldn't REALLY know when she'd be back precisely unless they were with her or he literally had a tracker on her, could they?

Heck, a long line if she were at the market - or a shorter line than expected - could have changed the whole scenario, even if someone knew her plans.

And even if it were someone staked out, he'd had to have had someone multiple places, wouldn't he? To cover possibly taking a different route than expected for whatever reason...

After all, they'd have to have been far enough away to both SEE her and WARN him and let him get out of there.

Given how close the timing was, they could have even driven past one another practically as it was...just further away from the house. :scared:

Strange, strange, strange...

 

[hot cawfeee]

Ok I have a question....Is his benefits up to date, where his health benefits will cover his family. Does he have enough time on the books, otherwise his family may not be covered?

They also have 90 day program, even a 6 month program. But I don't think he has a drug or alcohol problem, imo


lease:lease:lease:

I wondered if thats one of the things the $300 was for--to pay Union dues

 

[TravelingBug]

I thought so also. He rode the bike and someone else the car but they met at the train station and got in a different car.

But even that's risky isn't it?

What if IM had seen someone else driving the car?

Or him on his bike?

The whole thing would have been "up" before it ever got implemented...

The tight timeline makes that seem like really poor planning on his part, if he really were leaving by choice (and with someone).

 

[TravelingBug]

Further searching the garage, Ida found Rob’s cell phone, turned off, in another drawer in the garage. The $300 she’d found previously matches the transaction he made June 14 at Arrow, she says.

“It means to me that he came home,” says Ida. “It means to me that something happened.”
- http://www.longislandpress.com/2013/08/31/vanished-dix-hills-father-still-missing-after-2-months/

What I excerpted from the article is the strangest part of this case! I just don't get it...

ETA - when she says the phone was off - was it in airplane mode?

If that's the case why don't we see her all over the place pleading for him to return?

Or for whoever took him or caused the "something [that] happened" to just let him go or tell someone or something?

Or for anyone who may have seen him to please report anything suspicious?

:banghead:

Multiple local posters have said there are NOT signs all over...that people don't know...that the union hasn't spread the word...(and fine, it's summer, I don't buy that they don't have email and other means of communication if they REALLY had reason to think "something happened" to one of their own).

If I were sure "something happened" to my spouse everyone would know...

Heck, even Remy (Ramsaran) put on a better "something happened" effort.

Have we thought about him possibly coming home and finding out something about HER? Like another guy? Hearing a voicemail? Reading an email?

Something that HE wasn't expecting to find (vs. a 'someone' possibly being there - which I just don't see as likely, he'd have to be the luckiest bad guy in town with that timing...) that caused him to leave really furious?

(And then either kill himself, or feel like he couldn't come back b/c of the publicity and then knowing others would find out about whatever he had about her? Or?)

 

[McSpy]

I have noticed that when you look someone up on one of those sites, the addresses they list are always connected to places you once lived or received mail at. Did he go to college in Rhode Island maybe, did someone connected to him live in RI? I am curious about the things NCNY said, especially about the hint at his prescription drug use and I was also wondering about the person RM was texting behind IM's back. Was that someone he dealt with a lot when he used to park his car in that spot at the trains station some 5 years ago. Is there a connection?

When NCNY mentioned DENIAL, it made me think he feels IM is in denial that RM left. From the start I felt that HE LEFT WITH SOMEONE and based on NYNC's postings, he left with a man.:twocents::twocents::twocents::twocents::twocents:

I wish we can find some confirmation that he actually lived or had some connections in RI. There is a vocational type college in Warwick, but he may have just apprenticed for his electrician's license in NY. Wish I knew!

 

[hot cawfeee]

First time posting. Thank you to everyone for providing such good reading!

IMO, what if there was an argument in the home (over anything, drug use, $, life, trips to italy, felonies), they continued the argument on the phone while RM was at work-for 45 minutes, a rather long time to be away from the job to talk about shellfish. He hangs up on her (dropped call), she keeps trying to call him back (cell going right to voice mail). He comes home, "someone" else is also home, waiting for him. He says "I'm leaving." She grabs his wallet, phone and money and says you can't leave now. He says, watch me. Then she gets in his car and leaves because then she thinks he can't leave. He gets on his bike and leaves anyway. The car is parked at a train station, because if you don't want your car towed, it's the perfect place. Hence, the seat is moved forward. She jets back home and finds him gone, now she's pissed/upset, maybe genuinely worried=missing persons report.

I know it's a bit of a reach with the car. But IMO, something about this scenario feels right to me. Maybe I have too many crazy girlfriends/wife friends who would have no problem doing this.

Also, wasn't the young girl who said she saw RM on a train from the Warwick area? And RMs family has not posted anything on FB.

Welcome Island gurl---looking forward to lots of good ideas!!!!
The "fight scene " is very plausible----I think something had been brewing for awhile and spilled over the next day. IMOP a 45 minute work call is about a fight the night before or someone in the family is very sick. But I can see IM grabbing the keys and taking his car---only thing her car comes home 9-10 minutes after his but may not have been her driving!!
The fact that things can go totally off the rails is a viable scene---I know what you are talking about!!!!

 

[hot cawfeee]

IIRC, I believe she did have a friend in LE. I could have sworn I read it somewhere, but can't recall where. Does anyone recall??

I also agree that the secrecy is possibly because of the skeletons in the closet. I also believe it colors our thinking on the matter too. It is hard to put aside. Although, maybe there are private issues IM and family do not want to advertise to the public. I don't know how I would respond exactly if someone in my family disappeared. I guess it depends on the circumstances and how the back story relates to the disappearance. JMO

I remember that as well---either IM or RM had family/friend in LE---might be why things got hot fast so to speak

 

[Drib]

OK--second cup kicking in---not picking on you Drib (Welcome!!!!!!)--am going to jump from IMo your sensible place-----have not discussed alot of fingerprints-but of course how many times per day are we touching phones???

My question for the group is------at a certain point of the investigation (lets say just where we are now-knowing what we know-and the players involved/not involved) will another aspect of LE take over or will resources be pooled????? SCPD joining with Feds for the sake of argument

Unless LE can find a reason to investigate. If there is no foul play suspected there is nothing to investigate. The LE has said they don't believe a crime has been committed as per every article posted. What exactly would they investigate if an adult male wandered off? It's not a crime.

 

[TravelingBug]

I think if he went out on his bike this is why he left his phone and wallet and money you do not ride with junk in your pockets.

But why is the car at the train statin?

So then it being a totally voluntary leaving? (B/c otherwise he would have wanted money or something, I'd think, even if you wouldn't typically ride with stuff with you) Not taking even a backpack or something with a few necessities?

And then it being an accident or suicide?

Although, like you said, then how do you explain the car? :scared:

Or could he have taken the bike in the am in the car (explaining the trunk empty and maybe even the seat being forward) planning to ride after work somewhere? And he was either planning to drive there or that place he wanted to start his bike ride from just be nearer the station?

But then ended up having to go to the scrap yard and didn't want to leave his wallet with the $300 in the car or on him while biking? So he went back home (by car) to drop his stuff - b/c of the unexpected scrap trip/money - and then went back to leave from the train station b/c wherever he was biking was nearer to the station. Maybe?

Heck, he could have even (innocently - or mostly...like not planning to run away with someone) been meeting someone at the station to bike with (explaining why being at the station if, as IM says, he doesn't do that) and that was the meeting/departure point for their ride?

This really may be the strangest case I've seen here in all the time I've been on WS - and I was reading long before I posted.

SO few facts and every scenario seems full of holes... :banghead:

 

[hot cawfeee]

Why call so soon?

That to me is a red flag. Did he tell her he couldn't do this anymore he has no money they are broke he will kill himself?

To me that is the only reason to alert police so quick.

good point---when was listed as "endangered missing" ??? From the start yes?
I thought it had to do with the "bad headaches" he suffers from.

 

[Drib]

But unless his "eyes" on the house was someone who was with her, or unless he had a tracker on her car, he wouldn't know when she was returning.

As it is they nearly ran into one another - assuming he was driving his car and she was driving her car, of course.

How could someone have known when exactly she'd be back?

It clearly was a VERY narrow window of time and that just seems oddly risky for any of the scenarios - suicide or a planned leaving by choice - since even if someone knew where she went, they couldn't REALLY know when she'd be back precisely unless they were with her or he literally had a tracker on her, could they?

Heck, a long line if she were at the market - or a shorter line than expected - could have changed the whole scenario, even if someone knew her plans.

And even if it were someone staked out, he'd had to have had someone multiple places, wouldn't he? To cover possibly taking a different route than expected for whatever reason...

After all, they'd have to have been far enough away to both SEE her and WARN him and let him get out of there.

Given how close the timing was, they could have even driven past one another practically as it was...just further away from the house. :scared:

Strange, strange, strange...

Have you guys ever heard of the Find your Iphone app? It is very accurate. I sometimes use it to see how close my husband is to home if I need something. lol It's a free app and I can guarantee you any woman who may suspect her husband is doing anything nefarious would have it on their phone! If he had this app he would know exactly where she was and how much time he had.

 

[McSpy]

This is a school he could have attended: http://www.neit.edu/

They offer building technologies in their programs list, which includes electrical training of some sort. Their current main campus is new and located in East Greenwich---very close to the Warwick line. Back when RM may have attended, I believe the campus was in Warwick. Their automotive dept. is still there. They have since expanded. It is a popular school for the trades.

Just a FYI

 

[Momoffourboys]

Have you guys ever heard of the Find your Iphone app? It is very accurate. I sometimes use it to see how close my husband is to home if I need something. lol It's a free app and I can guarantee you any woman who may suspect her husband is doing anything nefarious would have it on their phone! If he had this app he would know exactly where she was and how much time he had.

True...if SHE has an iphone.

 

[TravelingBug]

I know we all have so many different theories and thoughts but I speak for all of us in saying we would be devestated is his body is found. Hoping he surfaces soon.

Absolutely!

Though I also have to say that I don't know that we'll ever find out the truth about what happened/where he is (and that if he is found/returned - alive or otherwise - we'll not hear the real story then either) no matter what the scenario ends up being.

And I find that devastating, particularly for his kids, as well.

I pray I'm wrong about all of it - or that he comes back (even if we never hear any details) - for the sake of his kids. lease:

Well, and I'd like this mystery of RM's whereabouts to include his being well, of course...whatever that looks like.

 

[Drib]

good point---when was listed as "endangered missing" ??? From the start yes?
I thought it had to do with the "bad headaches" he suffers from.

I think it was a lie to get the police to take a missing person's report by saying he is endangered. Otherwise without any evidence of foul play they would have wrote it off as he left on his own accord.

 

[hot cawfeee]

That's why I have always suspected gf....a lookout for IM ....text me if you see the car ....gf texts shes coming get out of there and he hurriedly leaves

I thought that also-------the time of RM being at the house was pre-arranged by them both so he could grab his things and maybe say a good-bye for now to his kids. But to not have to have a dramatic scene, just leave.
But "friend" called her and she left her folks house and came home only to miss him by minutes.

OMG---V-Clever--just re-read that------YES!! Could have been someone watching IM's folks house-----

 

[hot cawfeee]

OMGL---look at that BBQ---that is some house----if it was winter I'd think the pool would be checked.

Why does the garage stick out in my head and throw up so many red flags???????