I can't judge that mother. I have a child that I have offered plastic surgery to... when my daughter hit puberty her breast started growing in a way that has left her with one breast about 2.5 cups smaller than the other. Now that she is reaching the end of her growth cycle, she knows that she can have the larger one reduced because I said I would pay for it. I've seen my baby cry over the meanness of girls in gym picking on her very obvious problem... I've seen her layer her body with clothing to hide the issue... and since I am her main goto for her photography, she is alway asking me to "fix" (photoshop) the photos so she doesn't look so uneven... which I have no problem doing... it's not done out of maliciousness or out of some severe issue with vanity. Only in the last year or so have I been able to get her to dress less layered, by altering her bras with extra padding on one side... but still, she feels self-conscience... so the surgery is hers for the taking. And yes, she has said, she wants it...
Outrage Over Parents Who Had Down Syndrome Child Undergo Cosmetic Surgery
- Thread starter White Rain
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With so many interesting threads, it's hard to keep up. I didn't know that your little one might have DS. My best friend's son has DS. It was a total surprise. She was 27 when she delivered him. She had refused the test for DS mostly because of her age but also, because she doesn't believe in abortion. Anthony is turning 16 on Friday. He's quite the teenager. He likes:
PlayStation II
Harry Potter
Star Wars
Pirates of the Caribbean
Drake and Josh
Hannah Montana
Spiderman (all 3 versions)
Playing sports - he's good at basketball, baseball, soccer
Swimming
Playing with Friends
Eating!
Joking around
Music - classic rock, alternative rock, hip-hop (and has the moves to go with it), punk, Christmas music . . . and he remembers the words - doesn't matter how long it's been since he heard a song!
Good luck with your little angel! I love DS kids!
They are beautiful!
I agree with so many posts on this thread.
Its a fact that people who are "pretty" often are treated better.
All of you know I have a disabled child and I cannot tell you how many times people (Teachers... Dr's etc) have outright said he is treated better because he is cute and to just look at him you would not know any thing is wrong..
Absolutely awful.. I know ..but its a fact of life in our society!
I think the mothers comments about having a hard time looking at her were taken out of context and twisted a bit.
Almost all parents go through a period of mourning when they discover their child is severely disabled. It is totally normal and the fact that she knew when her baby was a newborn IMO could have made it harder since she was also dealing with raging post preg hormones.
I think she was simply trying to express the shock and disappointment any parent in her situation would feel. That is not to say those of us with disabled children do not adore and love them.. But of course its heartbreaking to see ones child suffer in anyway...
I cannot condemn these parents at all and really anyone who does has not one idea what its like to be in their shoes.
It should also be well noted that looking "normal" will often mean she is treated more "normal" (for lack of a better term) Which could very well lead to her receiving a better education and just learning skills in life as people will not treat her like someone who is incapable of learning based on their own ignorance of her disorder. Often when people deal with a disabled person they act as though they are dealing with a perpetual 3 yo.
Its a fact that people who are "pretty" often are treated better.
All of you know I have a disabled child and I cannot tell you how many times people (Teachers... Dr's etc) have outright said he is treated better because he is cute and to just look at him you would not know any thing is wrong..
Absolutely awful.. I know ..but its a fact of life in our society!
I think the mothers comments about having a hard time looking at her were taken out of context and twisted a bit.
Almost all parents go through a period of mourning when they discover their child is severely disabled. It is totally normal and the fact that she knew when her baby was a newborn IMO could have made it harder since she was also dealing with raging post preg hormones.
I think she was simply trying to express the shock and disappointment any parent in her situation would feel. That is not to say those of us with disabled children do not adore and love them.. But of course its heartbreaking to see ones child suffer in anyway...
I cannot condemn these parents at all and really anyone who does has not one idea what its like to be in their shoes.
It should also be well noted that looking "normal" will often mean she is treated more "normal" (for lack of a better term) Which could very well lead to her receiving a better education and just learning skills in life as people will not treat her like someone who is incapable of learning based on their own ignorance of her disorder. Often when people deal with a disabled person they act as though they are dealing with a perpetual 3 yo.
Oh happy thanks for that. I have only had the blood test done and it came back very high, 1 in 14 chance. I refused the amnio as 1 it wouldnt change the outcome, no abortion and 2 I have tried for yesrs to become pregnant and the risk of miscarriage is just to high. I also love kids with DS. I have always said if I didnt have my own child I would adopt a DS baby.
sleuthin4fun
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You have all heard the saying "never throw stones in a glass house". No way am I going to condem her. Would we even be having this conversation if it were about an otherwise "normal" child that had surgery for a protruding tounge? I doubt it. I am sure that having had this surgery she does not drool, her speech is more easily understandable as well as making it easier for her to eat. Would I have done the same thing? I really don't know. This mother is right in saying that kids can be cruel. It is a reality. When I was a kid I spent a lot of time with children with DS what a blessing they are.
sleuthin4fun
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Indy -know that you will be in my prayers. Growing up my family worked heavily with Special Olympics. I fell in love with DS kids. When I was in middle school I can remember laying in my bed praying that God would give me a DS baby. I always felt like these kids were given to very special people. As an adult I now know that there is much that I didn't know about at the time. ((((hugs)))) to you.
southcitymom
Well-Known Member
Thank you, Gabby. My mother did some work for the state once where she helped care for many people with Downs. I met and have known quite a few of them. I agree with you that, absent other diagnoses, these are kind happy folks - and we need more kind happy folks in this world!
I understand that it hurts the parents of mentally challenged children when their children get treated cruelly, but I agree with another poster who stated that many mentally challenged people who suffer taunts and teases don't comprehend that cruelty. So, in that regard, this surgery is more to spare the parents than the child.
I have a real soft spot in my heart for people with Downs - not because I think they are "lesser" and feel sorry for them, but because there is a peace and gentleness there that we could all learn a great deal from makes me feel good to be around.
southcitymom
Well-Known Member
Indy,
I didn't know this about your pregnancy. You and I are of a like mind - I always knew I could love and parent a DS child and not feel like it was any "special" burden (ie - any more burdensome than raising a "normal" child).
I pray for your continued safe pregnancy and I know God is sending you the child you are meant to have!:blowkiss:
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Awe, you are very welcome. When is she due? They should also be able to tell by ultrasound because of the measurements of her neck. I truly think they will be able to reverse DS some day and hopefully soon.
Anthony doesn't have the health issues that some DS kids have but he is stubborn and demanding! I'm very used to him but sometimes I think to myself . . . geez, if I brought someone over to their house and they saw Anthony whip out the laptop and start surfing the net . . . they'd be amazed.
Please keep me posted!
[email protected]
White Rain
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I didn't know either Indy. Prayers for you and the baby! So this is your first child? Congrats!!!!!!!
concernedperson
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My little sister had DS. She passed away in 1994. She gave us many years of love and sweetness. She also from time to time was difficult mainly her restrictions from having DS. She was mentally challenged and not able to function in the regular world.But, what she did learn and did share is held in our hearts forever.
A lot of surgery wouldn't have helped her and would have added to her pain. Usually, DS's victims have another physical ailment besides the mental impairment. In my sisters case she had congestive heart failure as she grew older with dwarfism.
A lot of surgery wouldn't have helped her and would have added to her pain. Usually, DS's victims have another physical ailment besides the mental impairment. In my sisters case she had congestive heart failure as she grew older with dwarfism.
southcitymom
Well-Known Member
:blowkiss: to you concerned! I love this tribute to your sister.
Mimi
New Member
Oh boy. I am having a hard time responding here. My son has Williams Syndrome which is a chromosonal disorder likened to Down Syndrome...however the degrees of functioning vary widely with WS kids.
My son Drew is 14. He had braces put on last May and wow are we seeing a significant difference in his overbite and lip protrusion already...and he beams- just beams when he looks in the mirror-- and we still have two and a half years with them on...the difference will be amazing and it lightens my heart to see him so positive about himself right now- at least that aspect. I know this does not compare to plastic surgery and I honestly don't think we would ever do this for him but mainly because I don't think he could emotionally and physically go through the healing process- in fact our orthodontist wants to break his jaw after the braces are done that will alter his looks dramatically- and benefit him in breathing problems when he is an old man....but it would mainly make his appearance "more norm"- which I do not have a problem with for his sake...but we based our decision on many factors (most importantly on the fact that there has been very minimal but still cited incidences of WS kids not coming out of anaesthesia so that answered that question simply for us)...however I will not judge others who choose to do so. It is such a personal and subjective decision that I have a hard time understanding how those of you who have never walked in similar shoes can condemn so quickly-- please get educated before you make such swift judgements- JMHO of course, no offense intended.
With special needs kids comes a whole complexity of issues, health concerns, learning disabilities, and social and life skills. Just to name a few- he has a hard time making friends, the older he gets as his differences and deficiencies become more and more apparent as he grows up, we went through early puberty (at 11 which was awkard for him, let alone trying to teach him about boundaries and personal hygiene at 11, he cannot do physical activities like ride a bike, play hockey (I remember when he was younger he asked me why God did not give him strength in his legs to play hockey like all the other boys), he is now asking me to do a resume for him as he wants to work this summer and is begging me not to let them know he has WS--of course I explain that I have to, to educate them if for no other reason...but he, at this young age, already knows that he will be pre-judged on his disability rather than considered for his actual abilities and believe me, he has many strengths- he is a communicator beyond- he will help anyone with anything and has a heart the size of the moon-- I heard of an adult WS who is a doorman at an upscale hotel and he is adored by all---it gives me food for thought and lets me know that there will be a place for my son to live and work in this society somewhere, with the kindness and grace of good people. BUT, that said, we all know, many people judge on first impressions, good looks, high intelligence etc... and that is our and more importantly his reality-- so if there is something, anything, that can give him a leg up in this world, that did not affect his personal health, risk his life or seemed impossible to tackle for him personally...I would welcome it with open arms.
I have lived half my life to date- his is just beginning...as is the little girl in this story-- I wish them both God Speed and the best that life has to offer them, no matter what form it may come in.
Thanks for letting me share..he is now telling me it is time to go watch our show together, along with his sister...again, thanks for trying to see our point of view. :blowkiss:
My son Drew is 14. He had braces put on last May and wow are we seeing a significant difference in his overbite and lip protrusion already...and he beams- just beams when he looks in the mirror-- and we still have two and a half years with them on...the difference will be amazing and it lightens my heart to see him so positive about himself right now- at least that aspect. I know this does not compare to plastic surgery and I honestly don't think we would ever do this for him but mainly because I don't think he could emotionally and physically go through the healing process- in fact our orthodontist wants to break his jaw after the braces are done that will alter his looks dramatically- and benefit him in breathing problems when he is an old man....but it would mainly make his appearance "more norm"- which I do not have a problem with for his sake...but we based our decision on many factors (most importantly on the fact that there has been very minimal but still cited incidences of WS kids not coming out of anaesthesia so that answered that question simply for us)...however I will not judge others who choose to do so. It is such a personal and subjective decision that I have a hard time understanding how those of you who have never walked in similar shoes can condemn so quickly-- please get educated before you make such swift judgements- JMHO of course, no offense intended.
With special needs kids comes a whole complexity of issues, health concerns, learning disabilities, and social and life skills. Just to name a few- he has a hard time making friends, the older he gets as his differences and deficiencies become more and more apparent as he grows up, we went through early puberty (at 11 which was awkard for him, let alone trying to teach him about boundaries and personal hygiene at 11, he cannot do physical activities like ride a bike, play hockey (I remember when he was younger he asked me why God did not give him strength in his legs to play hockey like all the other boys), he is now asking me to do a resume for him as he wants to work this summer and is begging me not to let them know he has WS--of course I explain that I have to, to educate them if for no other reason...but he, at this young age, already knows that he will be pre-judged on his disability rather than considered for his actual abilities and believe me, he has many strengths- he is a communicator beyond- he will help anyone with anything and has a heart the size of the moon-- I heard of an adult WS who is a doorman at an upscale hotel and he is adored by all---it gives me food for thought and lets me know that there will be a place for my son to live and work in this society somewhere, with the kindness and grace of good people. BUT, that said, we all know, many people judge on first impressions, good looks, high intelligence etc... and that is our and more importantly his reality-- so if there is something, anything, that can give him a leg up in this world, that did not affect his personal health, risk his life or seemed impossible to tackle for him personally...I would welcome it with open arms.
I have lived half my life to date- his is just beginning...as is the little girl in this story-- I wish them both God Speed and the best that life has to offer them, no matter what form it may come in.
Thanks for letting me share..he is now telling me it is time to go watch our show together, along with his sister...again, thanks for trying to see our point of view. :blowkiss:
Aw, Mimi, Drew sounds like such a wonderful young man! What an awesome post.
My nephew had his jaw broken to fix whatever was needed and he did fine, just FYI. I didn't think it was possible, but he was even more cute afterwards. It was amazing.
I think you are right too that these kids will be teased for something or other. My dd looks perfectly normally (maybe a little babyish for her age) but kids tease her older sister and brother about her because she's a "
". Grrrr....
So no matter what, kids get teased, period. If this surgery helps her feel better or helps her get treated a little better in this world, then I say "go for it!".
My nephew had his jaw broken to fix whatever was needed and he did fine, just FYI. I didn't think it was possible, but he was even more cute afterwards. It was amazing.
I think you are right too that these kids will be teased for something or other. My dd looks perfectly normally (maybe a little babyish for her age) but kids tease her older sister and brother about her because she's a "
". Grrrr.... So no matter what, kids get teased, period. If this surgery helps her feel better or helps her get treated a little better in this world, then I say "go for it!".
Thanks SCM!! I keep telling myself that if god wants me to have a baby with DS then so be it. She will have more love than most!!
They said they can only do that with in the 11-12 week period and I found this out about 20 weeks. She is due on June 12th, but I have a strong feeling I will go at the end of may for some reason. I will keep you posted and I may have a lot of questions for you as well, if you dont mind.
Yep first baby, and Thanks!!
concernedperson
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Indy it is going to be OK.
Believe me when I say I am not worried. I know that may sound weird but i am not. I am ready for whatever is given to me. All I have ever wanted was a baby and either way that is what I am getting. :blowkiss:
Mimi
New Member
For all those parents who do have children with special needs, I want to share this beautiful piece that was sent to me, soon after my son was diagnosed-- it is beautiful and so apropros, and let me just say for the record- windmills and tulips are awesome!
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
Emily Perl Kingsley.
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
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