Re: the hummer, rhetorical question:
I remember one year I delivered a thanksgiving dinner to a needy family through an organization. When we went to drop off the items, they had a big screen tv, tons of electronics, a decent home...does this mean they were not in need?
The other day I gave some of my groceries to someone who was begging for money outside the grocery store. I basically went to bed hungry that night bc there was no food in the house. The next day I saw her and 2 others seated in a group loafing at the Starbucks watching music videos. She had speakers, iphones, gadgets...here I am working and there she is not working. I immediately questioned just how "needy" this lady was and found myself having a twinge of resentment for going to bed hungry. Then I realized that when you do something for someone, you do it not expecting anything in return, but doing it bc you feel it's the right thing. And that if she is begging for money then she needed the food more than me.
It's a different situation kind of from what we are discussing, not sure what I'm trying to say.
I guess I'm just saying if she was desperate enough to take the items from the bin, then she must have really needed them? Idk...I've been the victim of a burglary and it was heart wrenching to have everything I worked for taken. But these are donated items in a bin, just seems different to me somehow...
Eta: Maybe you guys are right, stealing is stealing...whatever the case I feel really bad for her.
Awww, Margarita. :hug: It's hurtful when we try to do something good for someone and then feel they have betrayed us. I feel very resentful of my former friend (FF) -- I can't even bring myself to call her my friend any more. I began to have concerns about her before she came to stay with me and discussed them with family and coworkers. I knew I was taking the risk of being scammed but said I'd rather be wronged than withhold doing good to someone who desperately needs help.
But, I think we do (naturally) feel betrayed when we do something out of the kindness of our heart and then realize the recipient of our kindness is muttering <<
suck~errr!>> under his/her breath. When we do consider doing something kind for a person in need, our thoughts may go to stories we've heard or read about in the news about charity scams, embezzling by charity administrators, fake charities, the nanny who refused to leave (my mother and I discussed that case when I told her I invited FF to stay with me for a while and she DIDN'T want to leave), etc. This is that type of story that gives us pause.
Yet, I'm reluctant to criticize the woman because I don't know her financial situation or her motive. I remember reading a letter from the president in a charity publication years ago, responding to angry criticism by donors re pictures of charity benefactors' homes. The homes were small and in disrepair -- like we'd expect to see. But, next to them were parked nice cars. The charity president pointed out that the people needed reliable cars to get to and from work. They often lived far from business centers and the cars, although expensive models, were bought used.
OTOH, I worked at a job where it was difficult to find reliable employees. They had the latest stereo equipment installed on their cars and bragged to each other about their fancy stereos and TV's at home. But, so many of the staff would repeatedly call off work or say they couldn't work when called in a pinch because
their car wasn't working!
In this situation, maybe the Hummer was bought used at a bargain price because they needed something reliable to get them to and from work. There are a lot of factors to consider, but I think this grabs our attention because it
is something most (if not all) of us can relate to. We have a greater chance of falling victim to a scam than to a murder, armed robbery or sexual predator. IMO, we feel betrayed to think someone who is NOT in need may have benefited from our donation.