I'm pretty nervous about writing this.
I know this story is old to those of you who were following it as it unfolded, but I just found out about it three days ago, quite by accident. I am still in shock and trying to deal with it. Since then, I have read everything I was able to find on line about this case, which is how I found your site. I hope that maybe by answering some of your questions, I may also answer some of my own.
At one time, I knew this man better than anybody, although in retrospect, that may not mean much. I met him in early 1993, and by mid-summer we had a romantic relationship, which lasted for about three years. The relationship was fairly normal, certainly with no indications of what was lurking beneath the surface. The man himself, however, had some mental health issues, and at one point we discussed seeking counseling, but he never took action and did not bring up the subject again.
How was he able to make the adoption happen? First of all, yes, he had a lot of money, although I was never privy to details. Various net sources have called him a former, retired, or just plain engineer. In fact, he was VP of engineering and sales for a manufacturing company, with a 6-figure income. His modest house was paid off. He drove a company car. He lived pretty simply, other than traveling once in a while. He did pay cash, $14000, for his motorcycle, which I was sickened to hear was used later in some photographs. Bottom line, he had a large income and few expenses. He had been saving most of his money for years, so I wasnt surprised when I heard he had retired in his early 40s. Also, he had traveled to Russia for business at least twice in the past, so its possible that he used previous connections to line up the adoption.
He suffered from extreme social phobia disorder. He was able to function professionally, as he spent most of the time alone in his office. It was also his job to deal with the clients who would occasionally visit the plant, and when this happened, he would become increasingly withdrawn and hostile in the days leading up to the visit. He always performed fine when he had to, and I dont think anybody who didnt know him would have guessed the truth. Most people just thought he was aloof.
I will never understand why he decided it was okay to let me into his life, when nobody else was welcome. I think he only came to my house two or three times. I usually spent weekends at his house. We almost never socialized with others. On one occasion he accepted an invitation to a party, but a few hours before time to go, he disappeared. I looked all over the house but was unable to find him. Just as I was about to leave, I heard him crying and found him curled up behind the couch, unable to face the obligation of attending. After he calmed down, we put in a brief appearance at the party, but it was the last invitation we accepted.
Knowing the isolated way in which he lived, I am not at all surprised that once he quit working, he was able to set up and maintain this situation without anyone being aware. He rarely saw his family (mother, sister, I think two brothers), and didnt spend holidays or family occasions with them. He had no friends who would have missed his company and inquired.
I have no reason to think that he had ever been in trouble for this kind of thing in the past. He had worked for the same company since he was, I think, 17. I worked there also, which was how we met. I want to believe that someone there would have known, and would have warned me when our relationship became known
but maybe not. There was a lot of loyalty to him, and I would have been the outsider. People there did tell me that I was the first girlfriend he had in some years, and they were glad to see him getting out again.
However, I had a daughter who was 9 years old when we met. Wouldnt someone have been concerned about her? She rarely saw him, though. Two years, for her birthday, we took her to a water park, and she stayed with me at his house that night. She is 21 now. When I found out what he had done, the first thing I did was call her. She was as shocked as I was, and assured me that there had been no inappropriate behavior. In fact, she doesnt remember ever being alone with him.
He is divorced and has a biological daughter who would have been probably 21 or 22 when the adoption took place. I never met her. I saw no mention of her in any articles and dont know if her treatment was ever questioned. I think that for a while after the divorce she visited him, but in the time I knew him, he only mentioned seeing her maybe half a dozen times.
I have put hours of thought into this, and I cannot come up with any clues that this man had a pedophilic history or interest. He was very private, and I didnt pry into his life, because he made it clear that it was just that, private. I simply cannot reconcile the man I knew with the man who committed these crimes against a sweet little girl. In fact, I would have to say that until three days ago, he still owned a little piece of my heart. Overall, he was good to me. He treated me with respect, bought me gifts, took me out and on trips. At the beginning of our relationship, I guess he was on his best behavior arent we all? As time went on, he allowed his social phobia disorder and other obsessive compulsive tendencies to show more and more, and it finally came between us. I was expected to constantly make allowances for his quirks. It got to the point where he was very controlling, everything had to be his idea and his way. We finally stopped seeing each other some time in 1996. However, he continued to bring me gifts, buy me lunch, and put his arm around me when he talked to me. It was as if he wanted to have an illusion of a relationship, without having to deal with the personal side of it. I confronted him about it, but his response was that he treated everyone that way not true.
Around mid-1996, I met someone else and quietly started dating. My new boyfriend relocated to another state in early 1997, and a few months later asked me to join him. I had to choose whether to stay there and maybe some day work out the dysfunctional relationship with a man that I had loved for three years, or to take a chance on a new life. Well, I chose, and moved far away with my daughter in late 1997. On my last day of work, we had some conversation in his office. I dont remember most of it, but as I was leaving, he asked me for a hug, and I refused.
For a few months, I kept in touch with my old co-workers. I remember asking, Hows he doing? My friend said, Well, we dont see him much. Hes really busy with his daughter. I said, He hardly ever saw her when I was there. The friend said, No, he went to Russia and adopted a little girl.
Knowing his personality, I found this very disturbing, especially since it happened so soon after I left. I felt like he had tried to replace me or something. But again, I had no reason to suspect just how sick he was. If I had, I would have found some way to do something about it. So now I have to live with it. Maybe he was on the edge all along, and my presence was the only thing keeping him from acting out. Maybe my leaving pushed him off the deep end. Maybe he had been bad in the past, or all along, and Im beating myself up for nothing. All I know is, I loved this man, and when I found out he was sick, I tried to heal him. Seems maybe I left him in worse shape than I found him, or maybe he just had me fooled all along.
He was originally sent to prison only for the child pornography charges. In late August he was convicted of 11 charges against his adopted daughter. Sentencing is in November, according to the latest articles I found. There is still a possibility of additional charges for the incidents that were documented in Florida.
If there is anything else I can tell you that will help you get a grasp of how this happened, please let me know. Like I said, I am hoping that by talking to you, I can come to terms with it myself.
I just don't understand how he was able to adopt this poor child & I wonder if they did any follow up visits. We had follow up visits after both the adoptions. The judge even asked our first daughter when she was 5 1/2 years old (we were adopting the second daughter at that time), out of our presence, alot of questions about her life with us. Did anyone do this for this little girl? Did anyone notice how unhappy she was? She must have been in school & around other relatives.
I don't understand how no one noticed how miserable she must have been. Well, I guess I can. I was once a miserable little girl & no one knew why I was so unbearably unhappy. Not even my parents.
I did tell my mom but she just didn't understand what I was trying to say. I know I didn't understand what was happening.
