Parents keep child's gender secret

[Donjeta]

I agree about the harmful comments that put children in a box according to gender but I'm not sure all that will stop just because people don't know. It just takes a different form. Instead of "You can't do that because you're a girl" the child will have people speculating, "Oh, I think she's a girl because boys don't do that" and "It must be a boy because that's a boyish quality."


People want to assign the child to some category if not for any other reason because the English language categorizes people in two slots. They want to know whether to use he/she/him/her/his/hers/himself/herself when referring to the child because there is no easy way around non-gender neutral personal pronouns all the time. Not every language makes that distinction but I wonder how the family keeps from slipping and revealing the secret with their pronouns. It's usually so automatic.

Which is why I wonder if the baby is a girl since the mother says she calls the baby "she" and imagines it's with s in brackets. If it's really a boy it would be cognitively more demanding to always remember the (s), it would be more confusing for the baby who would learn that all the other people called "her" in "her" environment are females, and I think a lot of people would find it deceptive as well, since they can't hear the imagined brackets.

From the link in the opening post:

There are questions about which bathroom Storm will use, but that is a couple of years off. Then there is the “tyranny of pronouns,” as they call it. They considered referring to Storm as “Z”. Witterick now calls the baby she, imagining the “s” in brackets.

Wonder how gender- neutral parenting parents in languages with more gender distinctions work this out... Like French, Spanish or Italian where you must choose either a feminine or a masculine version of the adjectives you use to refer to the child, or some languages in which even the verb changes according to gender.

 

[MorgaineSwann]

I am really having a hard time, keeping my fingers off the keyboard.

When did it become "bad" to be a girl or a boy? Girls and boys are different. There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with that concept. While some people would have everyone believe there's nothing wrong with a girl acting like a boy and vice versa, for the other side, I'd like to say that there's nothing wrong with a girl acting like a girl, and a boy acting like a boy. When did this become undesirable?

I'm using some gender free pronouns here so some words might seem misspelled, but they aren't.

All these parents are saying is that this kid won't be pigeon-holed into getting all pink or blue gifts, and that s/he will have a chance to be known as who s/he is rather than what s/he is. Very few behaviors are "hard wired" by gender - most of what we think of as gender identity is learned from our environment. These people want to step back from the rigid gender binary and let their kid just be a kid without expecting it to play with trucks or dolls. They want hir to be free to do both, or neither, as it chooses. The older boys are essentially doing that, this is just a little different. When little Storm wants to identify hes gender, s/he will. They aren't raising the baby to ignore its genitalia, they just don't want other people imposing their expectations on the kid. This is a kind of freedom most people never had.

People need to lighten up about gender roles. They haven't served society well. If a boy wants to wear braids and play with Barbies, let him. If a girl wants to play baseball, let her. It doesn't hurt anyone, especially when they're small. I love seeing people be more playful about boundaries. I don't think that kid will have any problems at all. The other boys don't know there's anything unusual about their parents' choices. It's normal to them. They'll learn to question everything, just as we all should.

I also doubt that this family is worried about their kids being able to fit in with other kids, or into strict school environment. I'd much rather see a child raised gender-free than to stifle it into being something it isn't naturally. It's time to let the stereotypes go and be more playful about these things. Right now, some people will react with violence if they meet someone who challenges gender boundaries. That's ridiculous. It shouldn't matter and it shouldn't threaten people to that point. The people who have a problem with this are the ones with the problem, IMO. Ease up - Storm is doing fine.

 

[oh_gal]

Well, now we know.....the child is a....................

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/co...childs-gender-five-years-birth-180300388.html

........well, don't let me spoil it for you, you read the big reveal

 

[Donjeta]

Well, now we know.....the child is a....................

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/co...childs-gender-five-years-birth-180300388.html

........well, don't let me spoil it for you, you read the big reveal

It's not the same child.

As of three weeks ago, Storm was still genderless.

http://www.thestar.com/news/article/1105515--where-are-they-now-storm-the-genderless-baby

 

[IHAVENOCLUE]

I haven't read the whole article yet...but this seems to be a whimsical sociological experiment negating biological data.
In AA it is said, "We are only as sick as our secrets!" Secrets are toxic, as one poster wrote.
And the experiment reflects on the self-centeredness of the parents.

And it reminds me of a tale where parents of a little kid kept saying, "Don't put beans up your nose" "Don't put beans up your nose" until the child finally put beans up his nose saying, "I had never thought of doing that, but after hearing about it so much, I became obsessed with putting beans up my nose."

Sorry, fragmented post on my part, kind of a stream of consciousness thing. Maybe these parents should have a Captain in THEIR stream of consciousness.

 

[cluciano63]

It's ridiculous.
JMO

 

[oh_gal]

It's not the same child.

As of three weeks ago, Storm was still genderless.

http://www.thestar.com/news/article/1105515--where-are-they-now-storm-the-genderless-baby

My goodness! I didn't think there could be two parents doing this!!!! Thanks for catching it!

 

[oh_gal]

It's not the same child.

As of three weeks ago, Storm was still genderless.

http://www.thestar.com/news/article/1105515--where-are-they-now-storm-the-genderless-baby

From your link:
One doesn’t have to look much further than the story of Ottawa’s Jamie Hubley, the openly gay 15-year-old who loved Lady Gaga and was once a figure skater — and was bullied at school. He took his own life in October.

(speaking, of course, of a different child, but with tragic consequences)

I fear that keeping your child's gender a secret and allowing boys (in this family's case) to wear dresses is going to lead to the same painful life that the young man above experienced (I'm not saying with the same ending, just a life of probably being picked on). Kids can be cruel especially when someone is "different" -- and so can adults. Not fair, but that's the way it is, at this time.

I'm glad they want their kids to be free to be what/who they want to be...but I cringe to think of the obstacles/situations they may have to overcome for that freedom.

 

[jjenny]

I guess we won't know the consequences until the child grows up.

 

[peeples]

Found a preschool doing something similiar

No 'him' or 'her'; preschool fights gender bias

http://news.yahoo.com/no-him-her-pr...CYEdXAWNcu1A10iXjKVm6KzXmSz5QHdOGoDB_M02A#_=_



Nearly all the children's books deal with homosexual couples, single parents or adopted children. There are no "Snow White," ''Cinderella" or other classic fairy tales seen as cementing stereotypes.

 

[Reality Orlando]

I keep thinking about when this kid grows up and gets married. If it's a little boy, what if he wants to get pregnant and carry a baby? How are the parents going to help him with that?

I raised my DD that she could do anything little boys could do. But yes there are some traditions that they will eventually have to stick to. When she was old enough to go to the BR by herself for instance, she had to use the girls. She's a tomboy now, but she does know she is a woman.

My daughter played football for 12 years and was the first girl to play for her high school at a time when girls didn't play football. When she first started playing, at age 6, she used to take her Barbie, dressed as a cheerleader, and sit her next to me on the bleachers to watch her play. I have videos of her on the field, in her football uniform, swaying along with the cheerleaders while waiting on the sidelines. She was always 100% girl off the field and even did some modeling but would be so upset when they made her wear all long sleeves to cover the bruises on her arms from practice and the games.

I was called in to school one day for a conference when she was in first grade, the first year she played. When I got there I was met by a social worker, her teacher and principal. Apparently, they were concerned about all the bruises and she told her teacher it was just from the hits she got every night. Apparently the conversation didn't include the fact that the hits were from her fellow football players. :banghead:

Today she is all girl and teaches ballroom dancing which obviously requires lots of dress up and make up.

And, btw, she played first string 11 of the 12 years and was a running back and also played some tackle despite being very petite (she once told a reported she could tell where the runner was going by the way his butt shifted.

 

[passionflower]

Just a thought, could this baby of been born with both female/male and the parents want to see how the child's brain developes as a boy or girl before undergoing an operation?
Once I saw a 20/20 on a boy/girl that the parents thought would be a girl so had the boy part removed. When the girl grew up she knew in her heart that she was a boy.
Now grown he is married and is a man, but no male parts.........sad.

 

[Donjeta]

Found a preschool doing something similiar

No 'him' or 'her'; preschool fights gender bias

http://news.yahoo.com/no-him-her-pr...CYEdXAWNcu1A10iXjKVm6KzXmSz5QHdOGoDB_M02A#_=_



Nearly all the children's books deal with homosexual couples, single parents or adopted children. There are no "Snow White," ''Cinderella" or other classic fairy tales seen as cementing stereotypes.

That seems a bit extreme too... I'm all for diversity in children's books but IMO it doesn't mean that mom and dad families should be eradicated altogether. Surely there must be some books about two parent heterosexual families that don't scar the children for life and stop girls from becoming firefighters and boys playing with barbies if they like.