Sandra Bullock moves out of family home

[songline]

Isn't it interesting that, not so long ago, a mother who slept around could lose custody of her children. I'll bet it is used in divorces even now, but mostly against women.

What a double standard we have for men, even in the "blind" justice system.

I am not so sure we have a justice system; a voting system, or much of a system at all, we used to have it,
but that was then, now is now.
but double standard is not news it is how it always was even when we did have a system.

 

[Trino]

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusiv...ronted-jesse-james-over-his-repeated-cheating

Sandra will NOT pursue custody of any of Jesse's children.

 

[southcitymom]

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusiv...ronted-jesse-james-over-his-repeated-cheating

Sandra will NOT pursue custody of any of Jesse's children.

Thanks for the link. I never thought for a second that she would pursue custody - that would be completely nuts.

 

[southcitymom]

Thank you. That's why I know these types of situations can cut so deeply within people - it happens to men too I'm sure. Even though Sandra is 45 years old the betrayal hurts and cannot be brushed off easily. In my case, I was engaged to be married, young and embarking on my adult life - suddenly, all dashed. Makes one leary. One can think, but how lucky to find out prior to marriage but IT CHANGED ME FROM A TRUSTING, JOYFUL SOUL to someone who began to turn alot of remorse inward and questioned myself as how I could have been so stupid, yada yada, how I missed the signs (mind you, the Universe had sent me a warning at the four month mark but he convinced me the Universe was wrong which may have added to my self blame days - why was I so stupid, humiliated, etc.). Imagine Sandra, older, thinking she finely found 'the one' - that would be crushing too.

What's weird is that, in my case, having crossed over into true middle age now, all of the issues that I thought I had put to rest seem to be cropping up again as I experience them through what happens to others. It's like I feel the feelings all over again. I guess because I'm not constantly busy and am in my own head alot. But once you've experienced something, you cannot help but to relate and empathize with the person going through a similar realtime experience.

What dawns on me too - about forgiveness - God requires that people ask Him for it too (that is if one believes in God). He doesn't offer forgiveness until we ask for it. I understand the concept of how not forgiving hurts the one who harbors hurt but, yes, it is hard to forgive people WHO DELIBERATELY GO ABOUT THEIR BUSINESS KNOWING THEY ARE HURTING OTHERS BUT DON'T GIVE TWO HOOTS 'CEPT FOR WHEN THEY GET CAUGHT. That said, we all are capable of hurting others but we aren't always aware that that's what we're doing.

(I'm having a little therapy here - thanks for listening.)

I'm so sorry about what you went through (even though I'm thrilled you didn't marry that man and stick around for more heartache.

Of the people I know who have lived through marital infidelity, the ones who have forgiven are the one who are thriving. That's not to say that they don't have times when the emotions surrounding the infidelity creep back into their hearts - that's normal, I think.

My MIL has been divorced for 30 years (my FIL cheated on her and is married to the woman he stepped out with) and the pain, grief and anger is with her as freshly as if it happened last week. She lives a life centered around that cold, brittle rock of distrust and bitterness, and it is just sad to watch. On the flip side, my sister and my BFF lived through painful marital infidelity and have been able to forgive. Their lives are rich, positive and joyous.

If you look at forgiveness from the standpoint of Christianity (and it sounds like you do!), I'll agree that the Bible can send some confusing messages. I personally think God's final judgment is always once of mercy, whether you formally ask for it or not. And, for me, my guiding principle is what Christ had to say about it in the beatitudes, Matthew 5:44 specifically. To me, He essentially says it's easy to love and forgive the folks you love, but I want you to forgive the people who persecute you, hate you and treat you like dirt. Again - that's a TALL spiritual order, but I've seen how it produces so much power and so I strive for it.

Back to sweet Sandy - she strikes me as a cool, strong, centered woman and she seems to be walking through this with such grace and elegance. My continued prayers for her, her husband and everyone else in their sphere who is effected by Jessie's dishonorable choices.

 

[lew657]

I believe what I read (not sure where) was not that she was going to look for custody but that she planned to remain a part of Sunny's life. That can be done with her having very limited interaction with JJ.. Remeber it was because of her that he has custody anyway.

Let's hope for this little girl's sake that she does remain a positive influence in her life.

 

[Penelope]

There is a lot of joy and anguish in being a good stepmother. My late husband's daughter lived with us for a year-and-a-half after the girl's mother began to physically abuse her. Yet, her mother was insanely jealous of any kindness we (especially me) would show her daughter. Now that my husband (her father) has passed away, the mother forbids me to see her or even talk to her (she is now 13 years old). I endured years of having the mother throw in my face that "I am the one who carried her in my womb for 9 months" and "you are not qualified to be a mother since you have never given birth to a child." The fact that I was instrumental in helping her daughter survive childhood depression and learn to read is all but forgotten.

I am not advocating that Sandra Bullock try to get custody of that little girl, but can understand if she desires to maintain contact despite what may happen with her relationship with JJ. It's not like you or the child can just turn off your feelings for each other. As for me-- I am watching my stepdaughter grow up through her Facebook entries and photos, and hope that I will someday be able to interact with her in a normal way.

 

[Woe.be.gone]

Penelope, I bet she misses you. Life is not fair sometimes. In your case, that's not fair to you or the girl. What you were able to give her will make a difference in her life I'm sure.

southcitymom, thanks for responding to my post. Everything you say is true. When I think I have forgiven because I know it would be the right thing to do for myself, I discover that I must be fooling myself because the topic still evokes such strong emotion in me. I'll keep working on it. Most people I meet (I hope) would not describe me as a bitter person but, yes, I guess there is still bitterness deep down. When I hear something bad happened to someone, I'm not happy about it - I don't take joy in that. But if I would hear, for instance, that that man encountered (think something awful), I'd be 'oh, great - serves him right'. I realize then that I have not forgiven but haven't dwelled on it over the years. Obviously, it's still there. I wonder how I do get completely rid of it or if I ever will - ummm.

To girls everywhere though, like Oprah has said, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. That's why I think these women, Sandra and Elin, should just pack up and start over because these guys are involved in some extreme behavior. It's not their job to fix them imo. That guy I was with would have kept me for as long as I chose to put up with him. On the bright side, when I found out again (after the four month warning), well over a year later that I was being duped again, I KNEW I had to break it off for good and I did - he did not leave me. I found the inner strength and honored myself by calling off the wedding, etc. BUT I had trust issues after that; both trusting my own judgement and trusting other men. And the whole time you ask 'why'? Why does someone need to drag you into their lies - just be single, just remain the player - ya know?

 

[Woe.be.gone]

Also, regarding the debate about biological parents having the right to custody of a child - just think about all the crimes against children we hear about everyday that take place at the hand of their bio parents.

I consider Jesse's behavior to be a form of child abuse. I do. It's not like it's a private indiscretion that can be handled behind closed doors, etc. His behavior shows disrespect to his spouse, the other women (some of them say he lied/misrepresented his status) and his children. He disrupts their lives and emotional equilibrium every time he puts them through this and this time, they are probably really sad about loosing Sandra from their everyday lives. The little one will not even understand why she is gone and what do children usually do? - blame themselves.

The bio mother, from what we hear, is an active drug user. What good is that for a child? That equates to non predictability and non stability for the child. Plus there's the felon stepfather in the picture now. Great choices all around here. It's like throwing the children to the wolves imo.

Law's the law I guess - poor kids.

 

[Trino]

Also, regarding the debate about biological parents having the right to custody of a child - just think about all the crimes against children we hear about everyday that take place at the hand of their bio parents.

I consider Jesse's behavior to be a form of child abuse. I do. It's not like it's a private indiscretion that can be handled behind closed doors, etc. His behavior shows disrespect to his spouse, the other women (some of them say he lied/misrepresented his status) and his children. He disrupts their lives and emotional equilibrium every time he puts them through this and this time, they are probably really sad about loosing Sandra from their everyday lives. The little one will not even understand why she is gone and what do children usually do? - blame themselves.

The bio mother, from what we hear, is an active drug user. What good is that for a child? That equates to non predictability and non stability for the child. Plus there's the felon stepfather in the picture now. Great choices all around here. It's like throwing the children to the wolves imo.

Law's the law I guess - poor kids.

I definitely understand your position. However, disrespect to a spouse and other women is not considered child abuse. Below is the definition of child abuse in CA.

... inflicting by non-accidental means physical abuse, neglect, sexual abuse, or sexual exploitation of a child under the age of 18. Statute contains exemptions for religion, reasonable force, and informed medical decision.

 

[burbqueen]

Amen Trino, I have no problem with tiger or JJ sleeping around. i just dont understand why get married?? But I don't think JJ or Tiger have abused their children or deserve to have their rights taken away. The same applies to a women. In most non-famous folks the kids usually don't know what is going on until they become a bit older. As long as the BF/GF isnt abusing the kids then I don't have an issue. It seems that women move some dude in a lot quicker into their home than a man. The men take the affairs elsewhere and not so quick to introduce a new mommy to their children.

 

[Trino]

Amen Trino, I have no problem with tiger or JJ sleeping around. i just dont understand why get married?? But I don't think JJ or Tiger have abused their children or deserve to have their rights taken away. The same applies to a women. In most non-famous folks the kids usually don't know what is going on until they become a bit older. As long as the BF/GF isnt abusing the kids then I don't have an issue. It seems that women move some dude in a lot quicker into their home than a man. The men take the affairs elsewhere and not so quick to introduce a new mommy to their children.

I think some men get married because it enhances their image and/or status. Guess this might be true of T or JJ.

T made the world believe he was squeaky clean, and the woman he married truly fit the image.

JJ made us believe he had changed and now was Mr. Perfect Husband to an adored woman with a squeaky clean image.

 

[Gypsy Road]

Okay...I just saw Entertainment Tonight where they showed a picture and some video of poor Sandra trying to get into a car to visit her friend. She was dressed in something dark (looked black to me) and wearing a big black hat - you couldn't see her face. The paparazzi were swarming around her like sharks! I felt so sorry for her!! I'm sure the paparazzi follow her everywhere, but geez, I can not imagine being hounded like that when she's hurting so badly on the inside! I would have flat out had an anxiety attack! Jesse is a big jerk (and so are his mistresses) for causing all this!!

 

[Trino]

News Flash:

According to this story, Jesse got one of his mistresses pregnant. I appears she aborted the pregnancy. Run, Sandra, run as fast as you can to a divorce court.

http://www.radaronline.com/

 

[Roselvr]

Okay...I just saw Entertainment Tonight where they showed a picture and some video of poor Sandra trying to get into a car to visit her friend. She was dressed in something dark (looked black to me) and wearing a big black hat - you couldn't see her face. The paparazzi were swarming around her like sharks!

I saw that last night too. One Pap was leaning on the hood of the car while it was being driven; he was trying to snap a pic through the windshield There needs to be laws about this; very dangerous.

Jesse is also upset about all the stuff in the press & wants to be left alone.

.

 

[ziggy]

Sunny, however, has a natural father. Jesse did not expose the girl to anything illegal. As far as we know, he may be a great father. The issues are separate. Sandra has been the step-mother, not the mother.

Why is biology so darned important? A "natural" father can be just as much a sperm donor as an actual sperm donor and an adoptive father or step-father can be more of a father to a child than a bio dad and vice versa for mothers.

Stability, love and a desire to help teach and form a growing human being is more important than biology. These bio parents are really, really wrapped up in themselves and their gratifications. People like that don't really take parenting seriosly - I think they just give kids the basics and leave it at that to pursue their own pleasures.

Many of you here are correct in saying the court will probably not consider awarding custody to a step-mother, but the issue is not that because we know that, the issue is why not and can't the system be fixed to investigate what might actually be best for the child regardless of biology?

 

[Woe.be.gone]

I definitely understand your position. However, disrespect to a spouse and other women is not considered child abuse. Below is the definition of child abuse in CA.

... inflicting by non-accidental means physical abuse, neglect, sexual abuse, or sexual exploitation of a child under the age of 18. Statute contains exemptions for religion, reasonable force, and informed medical decision.

If it's not child abuse, it's teaching the child about sexual exploitation. They're getting an early education about what sexual perversions look like imo. Children pick up what's going on. JJ is providing his children an education. He has a 12 year old. Problem is it will seem personal to his children not just as if they are taking a Comparative/lifestyle education class or something. Their dad's choices have just affected their lives too - would you be proud of your dad if this was national news and you were a little kid?

I concur, JJ's behavior may not fall concretely into the definition of child abuse but he's not a good role model imo. If you think that what a child's parents do doesn't affect their children then that's your opinion. I happen to believe a parent's behavior affects their children either positively or negatively.

 

[Trino]

Why is biology so darned important? A "natural" father can be just as much a sperm donor as an actual sperm donor and an adoptive father or step-father can be more of a father to a child than a bio dad and vice versa for mothers.

Stability, love and a desire to help teach and form a growing human being is more important than biology. These bio parents are really, really wrapped up in themselves and their gratifications. People like that don't really take parenting seriosly - I think they just give kids the basics and leave it at that to pursue their own pleasures.

Many of you here are correct in saying the court will probably not consider awarding custody to a step-mother, but the issue is not that because we know that, the issue is why not and can't the system be fixed to investigate what might actually be best for the child regardless of biology?

I don't see Jesse as a bad father, only a bad husband. I see no legal reason to consider taking custody away from him. He's not involved in drugs, doesn't abuse the child - actually seems to love and care for her. Maybe he's not a role model re: women, but he is a successful businessman.

 

[Woe.be.gone]

I don't see what having ink on one's body has to do with raising a child and being a bad parent.. the drugs & the sex are different stories because I would be humiliated if my mother was in the business.


.

Thinking about the ink on one's body point - Do inked people honestly think that people are not judging them when they look at them? Right or wrong there are a lot of people who will judge other people when they look different from the norm.

Back in my day, tatoos appeared mostly on Marine's upper arms or motorcycle guys. Then, people started getting little one's here and there as statements of their 'coolness' I guess. Today there is a component of the population that's into getting tatoos anywhere and everywhere. It's their choice. But you're in denial imo if you think that people will not judge you or wonder about you when they see you for the first time and you have a lot of tatoos.

That said, if I worked with a tatood person day after day and they did their share of work, talked and laughed with me, I would get used to their look and conclude they are a good person. That's after I had the chance to get to know them. I don't have tatoos, but I hope they'd feel the same about me after getting to know me. And, just because I don't have tatoos, they shouldn't assume I'm a good person. That's a mistake too. But what we wear and look like projects an image whether we like it or not. The person who gets visable tatoos must realize this, no?

Even if you go into a store one day dressed professionally with your hair done and heels and the next day you go in looking like you just rolled out of bed, you'll receive different treatment in most cases. I know, because I've done both. Some days I don't care what THEY think because I'm just there to get what I need and leave. Other times, if it matters to me, I'll take the time to to fit my best image. Of course, keep in mind, that the day you go out looking like choice number two, is the day you bump into a long lost friend - ha!

 

[Roselvr]

While I personally don't like full inked arms; it makes no difference to me if a person has ink. I don't think anything of them but I know others do.

I also don't care for those huge pierced "cut out" ear lobes but they aren't my ears.

I guess we grew up at different times.

.

 

[2sisters]

While I personally don't like full inked arms; it makes no difference to me if a person has ink. I don't think anything of them but I know others do.

I also don't care for those huge pierced "cut out" ear lobes but they aren't my ears.

I guess we grew up at different times.

.

Exactly. Iv'e stated that already on here. Clothes, ink whatever, it does not define you. It is so sad that people are willing to pass harsh judgement based on tattoos. Oh well!