Women (and men) "take it out" on the other person often...I think it is due to not being prepared to have the marriage end, and have the affair become public. Either out of humiliation, need, whatever, they have to take some action, but do not want to risk losing the spouse/marriage. TM seemed heavily invested in the "family unit" image and had no desire to be the wife who was left behind, especially for a twenty-year old. She convinced herself that Heather was a threat to her family (one of her posts indicated something like this, i.e Heather stalking them) and that she had to removed, that she was the problem. Once she was "gone" then the fantasy life/marriage would return to "normal". JMO