Scathing obituary reveals lives of abuse, neglect

[JeannaT]

I used to read the obits in the local paper all the time. Some are very touching. Some that I have read are heart warming to me. Like (she loved fried green tomatoes and steamed crabs), or (her favorite color is purple.) I have not read one that is quite like this one. I do hope that they are able to move forward now in a positive way.

I like to read obits too. It seems to me that the obit is often more an indication of the writer than the one who is written about. There are some really lovely, warm, and funny obits.

There was one years ago, written by a boyfriend of a young deceased woman that bordered on pornographic and included a soft porn photo. I still wonder what the family thought of that.

But then, I also like to walk through graveyards and read headstones and figure out the family dynamics. There are a lot of wonderful headstones.

 

[Ausgirl]

Scathing obituaries only effect the living. jmo

Yes.

Which pretty much was my point.

 

[kaRN]

ALLEGEDLY. :banghead:

Where I live, a childs allegations of abuse don't require a trial to be assumed to be true. Parents are presumed guilty until proved innocent. I believe the now adult children who lived the abuse and the CPS workers who felt the need to raise them for 14-15 of their 18 years of childhood.

How do you know these children didn't also confront their Mother in life? You don't.

 

[Karmady]

Yes.

Which pretty much was my point.

the OP:

I can't help thinking that if more obituaries were brutally honest, more people might think twice about making their children's lives miserable.


I'm pretty sure my daughter's going to write a relatively nice one about me...

Both suggesting that one's conduct while alive can/should be influenced by what's said about them after they're dead. If they don't care while they're alive, they certainly won't care after they're dead. Nothing to do as far as I can tell with the impact on the living. jmo

 

[MsFacetious]

My Dad saw this...

His response was "MsF, you are officially NOT ALLOWED to write your mother's obituary. I will do it." :floorlaugh:

Depending on the circumstances mine might not be the nicest thing.
He knew her when she wasn't such a negative, raving, witch. He's the better one to write it.

I cannot judge these kids. I didn't live their life.
Plus my mother is nothing compared to their mother.
I can't even imagine what they went through just knowing my mother. :twocents:

 

[k4kathy]

JeannaT, I agree that the author of the obituary sounds like someone with mental issues.... exactly what I thought the first time I read this obituary online awhile back.
My mom and dad conceived and raised 11 children together. Out of us all, there is one sister who told anyone who would listen about how cruel our mother was to us, and the rest of us would call her on her stories, but she would usually just add more juicy details to her story as though it would help us other kids recall the "cruel" acts we all suffered by our mother. And it didn't stop with my poor mom. This sister was envious of all of us siblings and our children. I once had a successful weight loss that took an entire year to accomplish. My sister told everyone that I lost the weight from self-induced vomiting. If she wasn't telling stories, she was busy plotting her brothers and sisters against each other. Because our 91 year old dad is alive and healthy, us kid's tolerate this sister to an extent.

 

[burbqueen]

Im trying to calm down cause I cannot believe that people see an obit as that important. Its not IMO!!

This isnt a vindictive family member or a messed up sibling trying to smear a parent. These kids were raised in foster homes for most of their lives and testified in the 80's about their abuse. These are all things that can be verified. This isnt backroom hidden abuse. Being in and out of foster care for years and years don't exactly scream mother of the year to me. Plus the fact that no one wanted to claim the body or even help the mother in her later years speaks volumes to me too. Death doesnt absolve you from blame.

She doesnt deserve respect, none. I wasnt abused as a kid or anything but no child abuser will ever get my respect. The obit hurts the living how? Why should anyone, ANYONE not out an abuser??? Am I living in bizarro land?

That is one of the huge reasons people dont report abuse cause, "OMG, what will the cousins or in-laws or neighbors or nieces or nephews etc think?" So what? They might get embarrased to know that a relative was a mean, nasty, person? Well guess what? I'm sure they all probably knew it. How many times have kids been killed and family members come out the woodwork saying, "oh yea she/he beat the kids all the time or locked them in the closet".

If this was my aunt for instance I would reach out to my cousins and ask what happened not condemn them.

Nothing will ever change regarding abuse if people would just stop shaming the victims and shame the abusers instead. Yes, other people might get their feelings hurt, but so what? We as a society need to stand up to evil, in all forms. Not try to cover and hide and save face to make someone else or ourselves look good. How is that healthy? Im amazed at how people want to be perceived by others and lead fake, vapid lives when they have living in their own homes!! UGH. Seek truth, always.

I had unsavory, ratchet, hood rat people in my family die in various drive-by's and when they died they were still hood rat, drug dealing, criminals. Not oh poor pookie he was such a nice young man. Uh no he wasn't. When people ask how my cousin died, he was slanging rocks on the corner and got shot. No sugar coating for me.

Sorry guys but this has got me upset. After watching baby Elaina's funeral I'm just floored by some of the reactions here.

 

[Ausgirl]

Burbqueen, thanks button wasn't enough. I think we have a very similar POV on several things there.