ETA: This is an old joke that's on tea towels and souvenirs my Italian friend has. I hope it's not offensive to anyone, please report if so. TIA
The Italian Man Who Went to Malta
One day an Italian Man went to a restaurant in Malta and wanted two pieces of toast, and the waiter gives him one.
The Italian man says "I want two piece" !
The waiter says "Go to the toilet ! "
The Man says "You no understand ! I want two piece on my plate !"
The waiter says "You better not piss on the plate you son of a beach!"
The man says "I did not even know her and she calls me a Son of a Beach?"
Then he goes to a bigger restaurant and finds himself with a spoon and a knife but no fork, he says "I want a fock"
The waiter says "Everybody wants to fock"
The man says "You no understand I wanna fock on the table"
The waiter says "You better not fock on the table you son of a beach!"
Then later he goes to a hotel and there is no sheet on the bed, so the man says to the the clerk "Calle de manager im telle him I wanna sheet on my bed !"
The clerk says "Go to the toilet !"
The man says "You no understand me, I wanna sheet on my bed!"
The clerk says "You better not sheet on the bed you son of a beach!"
The man goes to the checkout counter, and the check out clerk says "Peace on you !"
The Italian man says "PISS ON YOU TOO, YOU SON OF A BEACH! I'M GOING BACK TO ITALY!""
The Italian Man who went to Malta
Some extras for today! 
