Son dresses as Daphne from Scooby Doo for party

[jjenny]

If this story is about this five years old expressing himself and being happy, why when the child expressed concerns that people would laugh at him did she blow these concerns off? She describes the child as being nervous, halting to get out of the car, she had to convince him to go inside.

 

[Linda7NJ]

If this story is about this five years old expressing himself and being happy, why when the child expressed concerns that people would laugh at him did she blow these concerns off? She describes the child as being nervous, halting to get out of the car, she had to convince him to go inside.

The five year old isn't the one that needed to change.

I am confused about your issue with this mother and her son. Is it that she blogged? Because she posted his picture? Allowed her son to pick out his costume in the first place? That she stood behind and supported his desire for dressing in non-sterotypical clothing? Do you agree with the "concerned" parents? Do you think bullying is, or isn't a big deal and the bullied should be the ones that change?

 

[jjenny]

The five year old isn't the one that needed to change.

I am confused about your issue with this mother and her son. Is it that she blogged? Because she posted his picture? Allowed her son to pick out his costume in the first place? That she stood behind and supported his desire for dressing in non-sterotypical clothing? Do you agree with the "concerned" parents? Do you think bullying is, or isn't a big deal and the bullied should be the ones that change?

Who was bullied? As far as I can tell no one called the five year old boy "gay," it was the mother herself who posted under a headline "my son is gay" about her five year old. And I question as to who had more desire about the child expressing himself by wearing a female costume, the mother or the child, considering the mother wrote how the child became concerned about being laughed at but she blew those concerns off.

 

[DarkChii]

I think this mom is great. She is letting him be himself and standing up for him. In regards to the pic on the net, I think that by the time he would be of age to find/run into that picture he will also be old enough to understand what happened.

 

[animlzrule]

I know this question was not directed at me, but YES, this is positive attention. And YES, this attention will benefit this child as well as others. Whether he is gay or not, people need to understand:

#1 - Allowing a child to wear their choice of Halloween costume, no matter the gender stereotype of that costume, will not change that child's gender identity or sexual orientation.

#2 - People need to see a mother's unconditional love for her child, no matter the judgment's of others. She will love him regardless of whether he turns out to be gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, or other, regardless of whether he wants to play with stereotypical girls' toys instead of boys', and regardless of whether he wants to wear dresses instead of pants.

#3 - Bullying is not okay. Whether it is parents bullying other parents for what they allow their own child to do, parents bullying children, children bullying children, or whatever. Bullying is NOT OKAY. And just because something is different, doesn't make the bullies right. This child should not have had to change his costume because it made OTHERS uncomfortable. (And the only reason he was uncomfortable is because he was afraid of what others would think. That he would be bullied. Again, NOT OKAY.)

#4 - People need to ease up on gender stereotypes in general. It is not a gender binary. None of us are 100% male or female. We all have characteristics of each, and lie somewhere on a SCALE of gender. Certain toys and clothes should not be labeled "boys" toys or "girls" toys. Why should it matter if a boy wants to wear a dress and play with a barbie doll, or a girl wants to wear camo and play with tonka trucks?


I was a huge "tomboy" growing up, and still am to this day. For some reason, it's okay for girls. Just shows what a masculine-dominant world we live in. It's okay for girls to imitate daddy, want to wear daddy's clothes or be like daddy, or to dress up like male figures. But if a boy wants to imitate mommy, wear mommy's clothes, or dress up like female figures, suddenly it's all wrong.

Such a great post, I wanted to bump it. My son has been diagnosed with Aspergers. One of the things the neuropsychologist kept saying was, "There is absolutely nothing wrong with your son. Unfortunately our society has become one in which no one is allowed to be "different" and those that fall outside of what is considered to be the norm bear the burden of having to navigate a lifetime of feeling like they have to conform to everyone else's ideals." It's sad. It's also reality. So we have people in our house for 20 hours a week trying to demonstrate to our son the socially expected manner by which to relate to others. This mom's blog has proven to be a catalyst for such an important message and discussion. People need to let children be who they are meant to be. I don't have any problem with the medium or verbage with which she made her point. I hope most are capable of receiving the message in the way it was meant to be received. I'm hopeful for how this little boy is going to grow up perceiving himself and others.

 

[OrdinaryLife]

Speaking as a parent, from way many moons ago (I'm still a kid myself), I can share that there is no way in he!! that any child would wear any costume if they did not want to. Anyone who has/had children at that age can remember hissy fits if pushed into something. That includes any type of clothing. What I read is a parent, whose child questioned his costume, give him total support to be whatever !character! he wanted to be. The other children were never an issue, but the adults. Again, I applaude this parent for putting her priority where it belonged: Her son.

I still can't believe this is a major deal for anyone. Number one: It was a Halloween costume. Number two: A four year old child wearing it. Blows my mind how much has been made out of a nothing, a mother judged even when defending herself/son, a child being defined as a potential "whatever" and all because of a costume.

 

[angelmom]

On the Today show...

This mom and also another mom who wrote a book called My Princess Boy about her son who dresses as a girl more often.

Says it was the first time he dressed up like that. They asked him several times if he was sure.

Preschool staff and kids loved it...just those few parents objected.

Other mom whose son dresses up a lot says he started asking to dress up at age 2. She was concerned and spoke to dr. & psychiatrist. All Drs said he was happy and healthy, so she has been trying to educate others. He coined the term "I'm a princess boy" when his mom told him boys aren't princesses.

Seems like a very normal and concerned mom. Actually they both do. Some of the negative comments are astonishingly nasty!

Sorry for the choppy post...

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[mysterygirl]

God............worry about something real. Not a costume.

With everything going on in the world today..........really, I mean ...........really?

 

[RainbowsAndGumdrops]

Many people can be happy that this mom let her son wear the costume that he wanted. Many people are happy that she accepts him for who he is.

There are 2 issues there. The other issue is that this mom put the son in the national spotlight and she seems to continue to push the national spotlight on him.

When we see reality shows, or parents disputing with schools, etc. we often say that the parents are the ones pushing the issue. What the little boy wanted probably ended at wanting to wear the costume. I doubt that the boy wanted his picture plastered all over the internet where he will be known for the rest of his life as the boy in the purple wig. He is too young to make that kind of decision. His mom made it for him.

 

[Fairy1]

I have a nephew who always wanted to be the princess when he was really little. My very macho BIL was beside himself with worry, but I asked him, why wouldn't he want to be the princess? Great things happen to princesses (in the world of Disney anyway).

He's 9 now and scored a touchdown for his football team this past Saturday. He's tall and strong and intelligent and LOVES his football! He's also an excellent big brother to his little sister and a big help around the house.

Another nephew, same age, dressed up as a bloody ghost for Halloween this year. He's one of the sweetest, most kind-hearted kids I've ever known.

People really need to chill OUT.

 

[Linda7NJ]

My very best friend when I was little, was a neighbor boy the same age. If you asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, his answer was a girl. He loved to wear girl clothes and a big part of our time as young children was playing dress up and putting on make-up and trying to walk in my mother's high heels. His dad, a big shot macho detective didn't seem to have any hang ups about it. He grew up to be a secure, happy gay man who was loved and supported by his family. He never had to "come out," he just always was "out."

I knew from the time I was born, that I liked boys. I'm sure it's the same for gay people too, but religion, and other peoples hang-ups must make it rather confusing. To me this topic really isn't about being gay or not, at all, to me anyway. It's about being accepted for just being yourself. It's simply about RESPECT.

I agree with the above poster, what child wouldn't be intrigued by all the pretty colors, glitter, and fancy frilly things? Traditional boy stuff colors are BORING!

 

[Nat]

He is five. Are you really suggesting he is the one "speaking out?" From her blog, she writes how she wants her son to do whatever he wants. But when he expressed doubts about the costume because of his concerns people would laugh at him, that certainly didn't seem to phase her into getting him a new one.

He was apprehensive about the reaction he would get, not the actual costume. By getting him a new costume, his mother would only be teaching him to place more value on the opinions of others and not what his own little five-year-old self actually wanted. I think she did the right thing. Too many people kowtow to the desires of others for fear of standing out in the crowd.

 

[MCDRAW]

The five year old isn't the one that needed to change.

I am confused about your issue with this mother and her son. Is it that she blogged? Because she posted his picture? Allowed her son to pick out his costume in the first place? That she stood behind and supported his desire for dressing in non-sterotypical clothing? Do you agree with the "concerned" parents? Do you think bullying is, or isn't a big deal and the bullied should be the ones that change?

Sometimes bullying can come from the parent that wants the child to take a stand. A stand that they are really to young to understand.

 

[bessie]

Why shouldn't the kid want to costume as Daphne Blake? She totally rocks. Maybe this isn't a gender issue for him. Perhaps, what the boy identifies with are her other qualities, like her curiosity and intuition, her strength and independence. But if it is about gender, so be it. He could dress as the Terminator, and it wouldn't make a difference.

If Halloween costumes (or in some cases Mardi Gras costumes) define a child's identity, I'm lucky my son didn't grow up to be a red crayon.

Kudos to this mom for respecting her son's choices.

 

[bessie]

Such a great post, I wanted to bump it. My son has been diagnosed with Aspergers. One of the things the neuropsychologist kept saying was, "There is absolutely nothing wrong with your son. Unfortunately our society has become one in which no one is allowed to be "different" and those that fall outside of what is considered to be the norm bear the burden of having to navigate a lifetime of feeling like they have to conform to everyone else's ideals." It's sad. It's also reality. So we have people in our house for 20 hours a week trying to demonstrate to our son the socially expected manner by which to relate to others. This mom's blog has proven to be a catalyst for such an important message and discussion. People need to let children be who they are meant to be. I don't have any problem with the medium or verbage with which she made her point. I hope most are capable of receiving the message in the way it was meant to be received. I'm hopeful for how this little boy is going to grow up perceiving himself and others.

Your son is very fortunate to have such a wise physician and an enlightened mom to guide him.

I really want to post about labels, and the originators of those labels, and the businesses and individuals who profit from said labels, but then I'd be OT. Just keep listening to that doc. He sounds like one of the good guys.

 

[jjenny]

Why shouldn't the kid want to costume as Daphne Blake? She totally rocks. Maybe this isn't a gender issue for him. Perhaps, what the boy identifies with are her other qualities, like her curiosity and intuition, her strength and independence. But if it is about gender, so be it. He could dress as the Terminator, and it wouldn't make a difference.

If Halloween costumes (or in some cases Mardi Gras costumes) define a child's identity, I'm lucky my son didn't grow up to be a red crayon.

Kudos to this mom for respecting her son's choices.

And maybe it is not the gender issue to the child. He is only five. Furthermore it appears to me that even at five the boy figured out maybe he is better off not wearing it (he was concerned people would laugh at him, etc).
So why did the mother entitled her blog "my son is gay" complete with the child's photo for everyone to see? I realize that maybe she wants the world to know how understanding she is, but it's the child who will have to go to school every day, not the mother.

 

[jjenny]

He was apprehensive about the reaction he would get, not the actual costume. By getting him a new costume, his mother would only be teaching him to place more value on the opinions of others and not what his own little five-year-old self actually wanted. I think she did the right thing. Too many people kowtow to the desires of others for fear of standing out in the crowd.

Well maybe I am missing something, but since when putting values on the opinions of others is a bad thing? Nobody lives in a vacuum.

 

[mysterygirl]

My only hope is for this little boy to be happy and healthy.

Every once in a while something happens that makes you realize what is really important in life. I found out today that a little boy about the same age.......got put on hospice after his cancer returned.

There are prayers and tears everywhere today in my town. He is so loved.

And just think, no one gives a damn what his costume ever was for Halloween.
I'm sorry, I'm just very sad........

 

[OrdinaryLife]

My only hope is for this little boy to be happy and healthy.

Every once in a while something happens that makes you realize what is really important in life. I found out today that a little boy about the same age.......got put on hospice after his cancer returned.

There are prayers and tears everywhere today in my town. He is so loved.

And just think, no one gives a damn what his costume ever was for Halloween.
I'm sorry, I'm just very sad........

I am so very saddened to hear such news for this little boy and for those who hold him so dear. I think you shared a most wonderful and tender perspective of what truly is important. Thank you.....

 

[OrdinaryLife]

Well maybe I am missing something, but since when putting values on the opinions of others is a bad thing? Nobody lives in a vacuum.

Seriously??? The only opinions that are ever important are the ones that are shared to another without the cost of losing the sense of oneself. That whole love unconditionally ~thing~. I agree, no one should live in a vacuum. That said, we do not/should not, live to ever please others or a false imagine to pass acceptance. I admire any person who supports, even when it's only a 4 year old wearing his choice of **Halloween costume**, and stands by it knowing what critics will ultimately gossip about.