Brefie said:
Good Lord. You don't FIGHT off a child molester everytime he wants to have his way with your child. I imagine you only have to let most abusers that you are on to them to get them to stop. I mean, really, if it's an on-going struggle to keep a child abuser away, then that's just plain demented and why wouldn't you shop them to the police???
It's not a matter of having to FIGHT off a child molester at all. The molester isn't going to do anything in front of Patsy or John for heaven's sake. In fact child molesters go out of their way to be friendly and helpful and generally well-liked and trusted by the parents. That way the mother (in this case) is going to feel happy leaving her daughter in the care of these people for whatever reason. She is never going to see any evidence of the abuse unless it is those vague symptoms that a pediatrician (if he is unscrupulous) can reassure the mother are due to innocent things.
Brefie said:
And I have NEVER, EVER heard of a mother just 'having to accept' that her husband's best friend is joining in the 'abuse'. Why wouldn't she just tell John?
Are you saying that because you have NEVER, EVER heard of a mother just 'having to accept' that her husband's best friend is joining in the 'abuse' that it never happens? This is erroneous thinking, a lot of things happen in the world that most people never hear about.
I am saying that in Patsy's case I think she must have decided, however subconciously, to accept what was happening. Clearly IMO, she suspected something because she was constantly taking JonBenet to Dr B. She seemed to accept his excuses for all the complaints that JonBenet suffered from, so she didn't really put up a fight, I say in that sense, she 'accepted' the abuse.
Brefie said:
And 'POSSIBLY' joined in the abusing? Are you suggesting that Patsy offered up JonBenet to so many people she wasn't quite sure who all of the members were?
What I am saying is that just as she never saw her father do anything to JonBenet, she never saw this other person either. I have never suggested she 'offered up' JonBenet to anyone. I think the friend would have started abusing JonBenet at parties or when she came over to play with his daughter. Patsy would have seen indications but again, she went to Dr B, and again he made all the excuses that Patsy accepted.
Why didn't she tell John? Too difficult? Easier and more comfortable to keep it hidden? That is as close as I can can get to a reason.
The thing is that with situations like this it all starts so gradually and builds up little by little so that by the time you take a stand you are already involved yourself in that you have allowed it to happen for some time before blowing the whistle. The cunning abusers know this and use it against you, so that if Patsy was to tell John, she not only would have to face up to the fact that she was abused as a child, she would also have to explain to him why she had let it get to the stage it had.
Easier to ignore it and expect JonBenet to live with it, just as she did. What we experience in our families as children we accept as 'normal'. I don't think we ever escape from that. If the 'normal' experiences of your childhood happen to your own child it is much easier to accept.
Brefie said:
I don't know whose opinion of Patsy is worse....I daresay it's yours.
Although I feel pretty angry at Patsy, I keep telling myself she was a victim, which she was and she really should be pitied. If she was sexually abused by her father as a child she would have been very damaged by it. Not all victims are fortunate enough to get the therapy or whatever is required to get them to face up to what happened to them as a child and to begin to recover from it and heal to whatever extent is possible and to call themselves survivors. I think must be enormously confronting and traumatic to start this process and some people just never manage to do it for whatever reason and I would not like to judge them for that.
Brefie said:
Edited to add: what makes you think Don abused Patsy?
I'll have to leave my answer to this for the time being. I don't have the sources at my fingertips but I do have some. Will post later. Jayelles has the best one.