TN - Joann, 31, & Adrienne Bain, 14, Whiteville, 27 April 2012 - #5

[MsFacetious]

I think it's pretty clear that these girls know their mother and sister are dead.
It doesn't mean they witnessed it, but they definitely knew on Mother's Day.

http://www.kctv5.com/story/18420542/bain-family-focused-on-healing

He says Alexandria and Kyliyah are very aware about what happened and face many long hours of therapy and counseling.

---------------------

For the young girls, Mother's Day proved difficult.

----------------------------

"The adults are letting the professionals handle it.
If the girls want to talk about it we will certainly listen, but we are not asking questions," Livingston explained.
"And at this point, it's been my understanding that they really don't want to talk about it."

 

[MsFacetious]

I have no issue with the age difference between Gary and Joann.
I have several friends who have married people twice their age, or more.

All of them have been married for many years, like Gary and Joann. I think Joann was looking for stability, like my friends have been.

All the people I know who married older men have great relationships with them, some have started a family with them and all are very happy.


It also is not always for the money. I have a friend who fell in love with a guy 40+ years older than her.
She didn't want to get married because she knew it'd look like she was a gold digger.
However, she agreed to officially marry him on the condition that she NOT be in his will.

I also have an in law who has a 5 year old daughter... that little girl is on her 3rd "father figure." She's on the third husband in 3 years.
All but one have been close to the woman's age and now even the one older than her, isn't working out.

If you get married for the RIGHT reasons... I think that is all that matters personally. :twocents:

 

[Anne2]

I have no issue with the age difference between Gary and Joann.
I have several friends who have married people twice their age, or more.

All of them have been married for many years, like Gary and Joann. I think Joann was looking for stability, like my friends have been.

All the people I know who married older men have great relationships with them, some have started a family with them and all are very happy.


It also is not always for the money. I have a friend who fell in love with a guy 40+ years older than her.
She didn't want to get married because she knew it'd look like she was a gold digger.
However, she agreed to officially marry him on the condition that she NOT be in his will.

I also have an in law who has a 5 year old daughter... that little girl is on her 3rd "father figure." She's on the third husband in 3 years.
All but one have been close to the woman's age and now even the one older than her, isn't working out.

If you get married for the RIGHT reasons... I think that is all that matters personally. :twocents:

thank you for this post. I stated I questioned why someone would marry another person 30 years their senior, but could not state my reasons why. You made a very good explanation.

 

[raineday]

MJ stated on his Fb page that after much thought and consideration, he has come to the conclusion that he doesn't have it in his heart to separate AB from her sister but that he does wish to sit down with GB and work something out. (Presumably visits, IMO.)

He has publicly admitted (on FB) that he knows he made mistakes with his daughters. It's horrible that sometimes it takes a tragedy to realize how much mistakes have cost you, as I believe sadly is the case here. I believe he is in deep mourning over the loss of both AB and JB and will probably live his entire life with gut-wrenching regret and heartache. Whatever his reasons for giving up legal custody, nobody deserves that.

It's natural and easy for us to judge situations and relationships which we know very little about. But in reality, the fact that he isn't the legal father doesn't change that he (along with his side of the family) is suffering from this horrific tragedy.

The interest of the two surviving girls should obviously should be placed first and foremost. I believe that GB and MJ both have good hearts and will continue to take any and all steps necessary to put AB and KB on the path to recovery and healing. I believe that they are surrounded my so much love and support and, although the path will be tough, these brave little girls are going to be okay.

MOO

I apologize if I was unclear or offensive in my above post. (And for quoting my own post!)

I only wish the best for the girls, as I know everyone else here does. My reason for posting MJ's comment was only meant to convey hope that the families could possibly come together in the end. Regardless, I have nothing but deep sympathy for both GB and MJ and their families. They both are undoubtedly grieving and questioning personal decisions made in the past. Sorry for the cliche, but hindsight is definitely 20/20 in this case. I can't even begin to imagine all of the "What Ifs? " both men have racing through their minds.

The link that Ms.Facetious posted (Thanks! ) provides another link with the Bain family friend/ attorney unedited interview, in it's entirety. The interview is very informative and makes me feel that the right decisions will be made for the girls. He states that the adults involved are leaving the decisions concerning the girls up to the professionals.

The interview offers more really interesting insights and addresses some of the questions I've seen posted here. (Like how GB and JB could ever let their girls be around AM, knowing he claimed them as his own.) The attorney even downplays AM's relationship with the girls, saying that the media has exaggerated his presence in the Bain's life. The interview is over 14 minutes, but I suggest checking it out if you haven't already. Take it for what it's worth, but it offers some very interesting insights, IMO.

http://www.kctv5.com/category/195967/video-landing-page?clipId=7261519&autostart=true

 

[LolaMoon08]

I am happy that MJ has come to his senses. I hope it stays like that! I'm still a little upset over how he has behaved and released information to the media, but if he is really serious about making this work in the best interest of the girls, I will stand by him too.

MOO

 

[Bystander66]

http://nems360.com/view/full_story/18597704/article-Officials-tie-up-loose-ends-over-Mayes-reward?

Sheriff Jimmy Edwards also said that, despite earlier reports, four people arrested last week in connection with the case were not, in fact, related to it at all.

 

[jjenny]

AM believed that 12 year old AB was his biological daughter and would introduce her as such. So the child even knew he believed to be her father? She never asked her mother why AM would introduce her as his daughter?

http://www.djournal.com/view/full_s...ferent-Adam-Mayes?instance=home_news_2nd_left

 

[Quester]

Bain Friends Urge Privacy For Girls

... [AB and KB] are being interviewed extensively by the FBI ...

... [ B ] Family hasn’t gotten the bodies of [JB] and [AdB] back, but they are moving forward with funeral plans.

... it’s time for life to return to normal and let the healing process begin for the [ B ] girls. ...

http://wreg.com/2012/05/15/bain-friends-urge-privacy/

 

[HaikuMommy]

Bain Friends Urge Privacy For Girls

... [AB and KB] are being interviewed extensively by the FBI ...

... [ B ] Family hasn’t gotten the bodies of [JB] and [AdB] back, but they are moving forward with funeral plans.

... it’s time for life to return to normal and let the healing process begin for the [ B ] girls. ...

http://wreg.com/2012/05/15/bain-friends-urge-privacy/

That article also said, "...people blogging and Facebooking about the Bain murders and kidnapping is upsetting the family, “It’s none of their business. They don’t know Mark to judge him they don’t know Gary to judge him so just leave it alone. Mind your own business. Sweep your own porch step off before you sweep someone else’s.”

Think I will stop commenting and wish the Bain family (and the Johnson family) well. I'll just send my prayers for healing to Alexandria and Kyliyah and Gary.

 

[hollyblue]

Well there are certainly conflicting reports about how much time the girls spent with AM/wife/his family. The lawyer/family spokesperson says 3X since the beginning of the year; yet that is not what we're hearing from the landlord and many others.

Livingston was also ask about TB (oldest daughter of GB) and he didn't answer, but deflective his answer to TM and MM. Make me go hmmmmmm.

Another note. I guess AM was going to drive the Uhaul and GB the truck to AZ to set up the residence there. After school was out, JB and the girls would drive out. Now.....was GB & AM coming back before then by driving the truck back? I really am thinking AM...and maybe TM was wanting to move with them because he had bought a trailer also just prior to all this. Maybe he wanted to hook the trailer up to Gary's truck and stay in AZ till the Bains moved? Just thinking out loud.......

 

[soyesterday]

SBM

I have thought of why I never said anything about this for years and I still don't know why I didn't tell. I was very open and told my parents many things but when my friend really needed me to speak I didn't.

I was walking to the post office box thing a few of blocks from my aunts house (Kansas City) to drop a letter. A guy (passenger) got out of a car and started following me on foot. Creeped me out but I went to their house, trying all the while to keep my cool and act like I wasn't afraid, but as soon as I got in the front door I started crying to my aunt and uncle and my uncle was out the door with the butcher knife. We got the tag but there was nothing that could be done because he said he was only going for a walk. We did find out his name and sometime later found out that he'd been arrested. He was a pimp. That was when I was fourteen, too.

It always makes me so sad that when I feared for myself I ran and told but did nothing when my friend was being molested by her step dad.

I'm enjoying our discussion, too, and find it refreshing to be in a place where I can disagree but the poster doesn't (hopefully) think I mean disrespect to them.
That is one thing I never could get through to my ex, the fact that just because I disagree doesn't mean that I hated him. (although eventually he saw to that. lol)

I haven't caught up on the thread yet from today, so i'm sorry if we're already way past this and this is way o/t.
I just wanted to say that i've been thinking about this for a lot since we all posted the other day and i just feel so "sad" that there are so many of us that have been abused, molested, taken advantage of by someone we trusted and/or loved.
I think it's sad that there really are so many of us on here and sometimes we just have no clue what we've all been through even though we talk to each other everyday.
I also feel so sad for people like you menmo who feels that guilt and is struggling with why you never said anything to help your friend. I think there are a lot of people out there that are this side too. I know a lot of my friends feel so bad as adults for not knowing and that my ex boyfriend who i did tell feels bad he didn't say anything (they actually included him in the investigation cuz he was the only one i told while it was going on) and even me being on both sides...being abused for years but then also not doing something about in time before he got to my cousin. The guilt eats away at you sometimes. It seems that everyone has thier own story and deals w/ all of it differently. Personally, even though i'm 35 years old...am married and have 3 kids, i'm still in counceling and have so many issues connected to it. Some people can keep it in and move on. Some can't. Some are "ok" at least on the outside. Some are a "mess" like me. Some refuse to be a victim anymore. Some can't get past it.
One thing i realized after talking privately back and forth on here w/ another poster is that it seems like many of us at least deal w/ the same emotions and how we look at other people and how much we really can understand and relate to each other and that it's ok to lean on each other through it all.
I really appreciate being able to talk on here and i know that a lot of you understand or feel the same whether you've been through the same things or not.
Thank you guys....

 

[soyesterday]

I think it's pretty clear that these girls know their mother and sister are dead.
It doesn't mean they witnessed it, but they definitely knew on Mother's Day.

http://www.kctv5.com/story/18420542/bain-family-focused-on-healing

He says Alexandria and Kyliyah are very aware about what happened and face many long hours of therapy and counseling.

---------------------

For the young girls, Mother's Day proved difficult.

----------------------------

"The adults are letting the professionals handle it.
If the girls want to talk about it we will certainly listen, but we are not asking questions," Livingston explained.
"And at this point, it's been my understanding that they really don't want to talk about it."

I just wish i could hug those sweet little girls and i hope they know how many people love them and are praying for them even though we don't know them.
They have a long road ahead of them....
<3

 

[soyesterday]

If he was in the bathroom with the child, he would know for sure.

If he wasn't in the bathroom with the child, he would not know but he could still make an assumption.

LE and CPS did decide the report was unsubstantiated.

I'm on the fence as to whether AM was a pedophile or delusional. I haven't seen enough solid evidence to make a decision either way.

I thought they just decided that the thing about child was unsubstantiated. How could they decide for sure that the fact that he was naked in the bathroom w/ the little girl wasn't true.
And was she ever questioned?
Ugh....i don't even want to talk about it. It makes me sick and i'm having a really hard time w/ all this lately. Not that i want to make any of this about me at all. Maybe i just need to walk away for now.
Bringing back too many bad memories for me.
I say it's true...but who knows for sure. I wonder if now that she's a little older if she'd say for sure if it was true someday.

 

[Roxye]

Respectfully BBM.

What illness did Adam M suffer from?

Illness might not of been the word I was looking for...disorder or condition might be more apt with AM.


Marfan's Syndrome, is a condition a person needs to start dealing with from birth. It is genetic, Any genetic condition is dealt with by family support and understanding. If you don't have that family support, (from what I have read of this condition) then their are psychological effects that hinder the healing possesses. AM, in my understanding, never had that support.

Let's be honest, from what we have seen so far, they just enabled him!

I AM NOT DEFENDING THIS MAD MAN! He should burn in hell~ But there are still two women in his life that let his delusions get the better of him!

 

[jjenny]

I haven't seen anything about AM being diagnosed with Marfan's syndrome, except people diagnosing him via internet and out of thin air. He was apparently very overweight as a young man (when he had his heart attack), and as far as I can tell people with Marfan's syndrome are slender. People with Marfan's syndrome usually have difficulty gaining weight, and he was overweight without any problems.

 

[soyesterday]

I saw this poem tonight and it made me think of the girls.
If you think i should delete it let me know.
I can't stop thinking about them.
They will always be in my heart. <3

Heaven

"Does heaven have a phone number?
Mommy went to heaven,
but I need her here today.
My tummy hurts and I fell down;
I need her right away.

Operator, can you tell me
how to find her in this book?
Is heaven in the yellow part?
I don't know where to look.

I think my daddy needs her too,
at night I hear him cry.
I hear him call her name sometimes,
but I really don't know why.

Maybe if I call her,
she will hurry home to me.
Is heaven very far away?
Is it across the sea?

She's been gone a long, long time-
she needs to come home now!
I really need to reach her.
I simply don't know how.

Help me find the number, please.
Is it listed under "heaven"?
I can't read these big, big words;
I am only seven.

I'm sorry, operator,
I didn't mean to make you cry.
Is your tummy hurting too--
or is there something in your eye?

If I call my church
maybe they will know.
Mommy said when we need help
that's where we should go.

I found the number to my church
tacked up on the wall.
Thank you, operator
I'll give them a call."

 

[GrainneDhu]

I thought they just decided that the thing about child was unsubstantiated. How could they decide for sure that the fact that he was naked in the bathroom w/ the little girl wasn't true.
And was she ever questioned?
Ugh....i don't even want to talk about it. It makes me sick and i'm having a really hard time w/ all this lately. Not that i want to make any of this about me at all. Maybe i just need to walk away for now.
Bringing back too many bad memories for me.
I say it's true...but who knows for sure. I wonder if now that she's a little older if she'd say for sure if it was true someday.

BBM

Yes, she was interviewed at a child advocacy centre that was named in one of the articles about it.

It really does sound like LE and CPS did a thorough investigation, which is why I am hesitant to just brush it off. If it had just involved a single person interviewing AM, then I'd have huge doubts about the outcome. But it wasn't like that. It was a multi-agency effort and LE really tried hard to get him. And failed.

I really am on the fence as to whether AM was a pedophile or whether he had some sort of weird delusional thing going on.

Whatever it was, it is certainly true that he had lots of people fooled, not just the Bain family.

 

[soyesterday]

I see what you're saying...and i know i am jaded for sure....but any kind of accustion like that...to me....would be enough to keep my kids from being alone w/ him.
But there is not one guy that my kids are allowed to be alone anyway besides their dad. That's just something we agree on for sure.
I'm not taking any chances.
I don't see any reason why my children need to be spending any time alone w/ another man.
I don't agree w/ male "babysitters" either.
I hope i'm not offending anyone.
It's probably because of my past, but i just feel so strongly about that.
I think it's unatural.
Whether or not it was true about Adam, like i said before, just the allegations would have been enough for me.
I don't want to sound like i'm judging. At all. It's just my opinion.

 

[katydid23]

I haven't caught up on the thread yet from today, so i'm sorry if we're already way past this and this is way o/t.
I just wanted to say that i've been thinking about this for a lot since we all posted the other day and i just feel so "sad" that there are so many of us that have been abused, molested, taken advantage of by someone we trusted and/or loved.
I think it's sad that there really are so many of us on here and sometimes we just have no clue what we've all been through even though we talk to each other everyday.
I also feel so sad for people like you menmo who feels that guilt and is struggling with why you never said anything to help your friend. I think there are a lot of people out there that are this side too. I know a lot of my friends feel so bad as adults for not knowing and that my ex boyfriend who i did tell feels bad he didn't say anything (they actually included him in the investigation cuz he was the only one i told while it was going on) and even me being on both sides...being abused for years but then also not doing something about in time before he got to my cousin. The guilt eats away at you sometimes. It seems that everyone has thier own story and deals w/ all of it differently. Personally, even though i'm 35 years old...am married and have 3 kids, i'm still in counceling and have so many issues connected to it. Some people can keep it in and move on. Some can't. Some are "ok" at least on the outside. Some are a "mess" like me. Some refuse to be a victim anymore. Some can't get past it.
One thing i realized after talking privately back and forth on here w/ another poster is that it seems like many of us at least deal w/ the same emotions and how we look at other people and how much we really can understand and relate to each other and that it's ok to lean on each other through it all.
I really appreciate being able to talk on here and i know that a lot of you understand or feel the same whether you've been through the same things or not.
Thank you guys....

:goodpost::goodpost::guitar::loveyou::tyou::tyou:

 

[Quester]

Bain sisters&#8217; dad shares gratitude on Facebook

... "I wanna say thank you to everyone for the help and support to get the girl home. And a special thanks to heaven's new angels Jo Ann and Adrienne. We will always love and miss you," [MJ] posted to his Facebook page. ...

http://www.wlbt.com/story/18369813/bain-sisters-dad-on-facebook