This is my first time commenting on this trial and I haven't followed it as closely as most here, but I have followed as much as I can through the news and I watched the Sunday Night Special.
When I first heard about Reeva's death I felt there was no way OP could have shot her on accident because he thought robbers were in the bathroom. I thought it had to be murder and I related Reeva's experience to my own and felt I could have been her. I was modeling and became involved with an actor, he was handsome and charming and well liked. He lavished me with attention and always wanted to know what I was doing. He would show up at my jobs unannounced with a gift. He called me several times a day. I was so flattered and loved how into me he seemed to be. I missed all the warning signs. I knew very early he had a bad temper. He was mean to service people like waitresses or grocery cashiers. He got into physical fights with people over what I saw as trivial slights. A few months into our relationship I printed off information about anger issues and programs he could attend. I wrote him a letter saying I felt he would be happier if he could learn how to live without such anger. I was such a naive little girl because it never crossed my mind he would ever turn that anger to me. Of course he did and it was horrific! I had knives held to my throat. He beat me until I was black and blue, but only in places that could be covered with clothing. He abused my pets and scared away all my friends. He completely broke me and isolated me from my family and anyone who cared about me. I was a shell of a human. He told my what I could eat and wear, even what temperature of water I could drink. I wasn't allowed to be in the sun so as not to age my skin. He was really scary! When I finally worked up the nerve to leave him he caught me trying to gather my things and went ballistic. He twisted my arm behind my back so hard he dislocated it and tore my rotator cuff. Then he used the scarf I was wearing to strangle me until I lost consciousness. He had warned me if I ever tried to leave he would kill me. Luckily his roommate came home and interrupted and called the police. He was arrested but both myself and his roommate were to scared to testify against him so he ended up only having to complete an anger management program and they put a permanent restraining order in place. I went into hiding and after a few years I heard he stopped looking for me. I only recently stopped having nightmares about him. He's still acting and in movies you would have seen. He's also still abusing women. I got a phone call from the DA where he lives and they said he had been arrested for beaten up the mother of his infant child. They wanted me to testify at his new trial. I really know I could have been killed him.
However, my own experience also makes me feel conflicted about OP guilt. My abuser groomed me for well over a year before he ever really hurt me. He tried so hard to be another person for that year. He was my dream man, other than his temper I saw him use on other people. He was so charming and romantic while subtly breaking me down and making me dependent on him emotionally and financially. He manipulated me into thinking all my friends were bad for me and even my family. He worked long and hard to hide the monster he really was until he was sure he had me exactly where he wanted me. Reeva and OP were only together 3 months, right? It seems like OP would have still been in the honeymoon phase and working on Reeva. I can see him making belittling remarks to her and then being really apologetic, but he wouldn't have gone full force abuser yet. It seems so extreme for so early in their relationship for him to become enraged enough to kill her. It's the only thing that makes me confused! I think from what I've read about her talking badly to her, he fits the profile of an abuser. It was just so early in their relationship for him to unleash such violence. It doesn't mean he didn't, but it doesn't fit the pattern I've since researched and read about following my experience. I didn't ever want to make the mistake of getting involved with another abuser again so have spent a lot of time since trying to recognize them.
The other information I read which gave me pause had nothing to do with OP. I started to read about the rampant crime and violence in South Africa. I can't imagine how that would affect the people living there. In the process of reading about it I found the story of Rudi Visagie, the former rugby player who accidentally shot to death his daughter when he thought she was a car thief
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2004/may/25/southafrica.rugbyunion How bad is crime in South Africa a man could do that on accident to his own child? Is it bad enough a man could really assume a noise in his bathroom was an armed criminal come to rob and maybe even kill him?
I'm very conflicted with this case. On one hand, I think OP is a controlling man with anger issues who is capable of domestic violence. On the other hand, I think crime is so rampant there he really could have thought Reeva was a robber! I haven't read or heard or seen anything in the evidence that's a "smoking gun" sort of detail for me. I'm very interested to see the outcome of the trial because I think it could easily go either way!
Anyway, sorry if I made no sense or sound ignorant because I don't know enough of the facts! I just wanted to share the thoughts I've had. Thanks!
