How sad about the girl in your class committing suicide. In that day I never heard of anyone committing suicide in response to bullying, so I do think it was much rarer then than it is now.
Thanks. It was a long time ago, but sometimes I still wonder if it would have made any difference if some of us had stood up for her more.
I have to disagree about victims of bullying using weapons to fight back. The ones who resort to violence are usually the bullies. They may feel they're being mistreated because the other kids avoid/reject them and even stand up against them. It's unfair the victims of bullying have been given such a vigilante image.
I guess I wasn't real clear about what I meant. I have known kids in middle school over the past 5-10 years who took weapons to school with them because they weren't physically capable of stopping someone who was physically bullying them. Luckily, none of the kids I knew ever actually used them, but there's a reason why so many schools have metal detectors, bars, guards and other safety measures to protect the staff and students.
In my last place of employment, I was forced to do things I'm not supposed to do because of a disability. I'd already gone through voc rehab twice and spent my life's savings going back to school so I could get a job that wasn't physically demanding. But, after I was hired my duties changed. I tried explaining my disability to coworkers only to have most scoff at me or ignore me. Those who did care and tried to help me were dismissed or sent to another department because others complained. I lost a lot of weight because I often didn't have time to eat lunch, was too sick to grocery shop and too sick to fix a decent meal when I got home. My disability was compounded. Even after my job got easier, some coworkers would criticize everything I did and said, even things I did out of courtesy.
I'm guessing this was before the ADA. There are things that can be done, but after a lifetime of abuse (or what sometimes feels like a lifetime), I don't think a lot of people realize that there is help out there.
For over 10 years, I ignored my coworkers' ill-treatment and tried to maintain a cheery attitude. When my physical pain became unbearable, though, I became depressed and irritable. I called to make an appointment with a mental health counselor and when I admitted that I was angry because of what I'd been through, the first question I was asked was whether I was thinking about harming my coworkers (or something like that). What??? I'm suddenly a potential danger to my coworkers because they abused me? One coworker would even (teasingly) threaten to knock me down, but apparently that was acceptable.
That's one of those generic questions they ask most people when they start therapy. Better safe than sorry, I guess.
So, that's why it upsets me when people suggest that perpetrators of violence are victims of bullying. It's the other way around. Victims, IMO, are being wrongly stigmatized, adding insult to injury. I'd better get off my soapbox and get to bed now before I get in trouble.
I definitely didn't say that the bullies were the victims, I'm sorry if you understood it that way.
Responses in bold.
