TX - Hanna Mack, 6, raped & murdered, Navarro Mills, 10 Sept 2007

[SeriouslySearching]

There wouldn't be single moms if they weren't "dating" in the first place. So where exactly would we draw the line?

 

[sherri79]

There wouldn't be single moms if they weren't "dating" in the first place. So where exactly would we draw the line?

you can be single and stay that way until your kids are grown. not every mom who is single dates men. many of those that date still draw the line at the man meeting the kids. if a woman is so lonely she has to date why not get a baby sitter and screw the guy at his place? why did kids need to meet moms boyfriend? some step dads are great! most are ok. some rape and murder little girls.

 

[MagicRose99]

you can be single and stay that way until your kids are grown. not every mom who is single dates men. many of those that date still draw the line at the man meeting the kids. if a woman is so lonely she has to date why not get a baby sitter and screw the guy at his place? why did kids need to meet moms boyfriend? some step dads are great! most are ok. some rape and murder little girls.

I was this way... I never had men around my children. My children were first and foremost my top priority while they were growing up. If I dated I either waited til they were with their father or my parents would watch them for me. "Single Moms" do NOT have to bring men around their children... not only for their physical well being, but their emotional well being as well.

 

[SeriouslySearching]

There would BE no wonderful stepfathers to take over the role of the deadbeat dads then! We cannot tell these women not to date or who to sleep with! Not our business!

What we can do is to teach them self respect and that abuse is never acceptable under any circumstances.

 

[sherri79]

There would BE no wonderful stepfathers to take over the role of the deadbeat dads then!

i guess i just don't see the risk being worth the benefit. kid A gets a great step dad. kid B gets a step dad that could care less but does not abuse them. kid C gets a step dad that beats or rapes her til one day he kills her.

 

[sherri79]

There would BE no wonderful stepfathers to take over the role of the deadbeat dads then! We cannot tell these women not to date or who to sleep with! Not our business!

What we can do is to teach them self respect and that abuse is never acceptable under any circumstances.

i have lived in a home with abuse. it is not always about self respect. sometimes mom lets her kid get beat for other reasons. she dont love the kid anyway, she beats the kid herself, she thinks he loves the child but has a temper problem, he pays the bills, he might hate the kid but he loves her, he buys the drugs they both use, she thinks a bad father is better than no father, she has kids with him that he treats great, she thinks the kid deserves it because he/she is always acting up, she does not want to be alone, and many other reasons i am sure. mom can love herself all day and put up with this. does she love the kid more than she loves herself or her man?

eta: and i can tell her to stop having men in and out of her kids life because she has a dead child. when a child is killed it is everyones business.

 

[SeriouslySearching]

I am sorry you had to endure growing up in an abusive home.

Abuse does come in so many forms. There is no way to predict who will and who will not abuse their children...because if there were...I am sure someone would have a law in place to prevent it from happening. We cannot take it upon ourselves to have certain people sterilized or trust me...I would give them plenty of names to start with!

 

[Lilybug1]

There would BE no wonderful stepfathers to take over the role of the deadbeat dads then! We cannot tell these women not to date or who to sleep with! Not our business!

What we can do is to teach them self respect and that abuse is never acceptable under any circumstances.

I think the point people are trying to make is that single mothers need to be very careful about what kind of influences they introduce into their children's lives, particularly daughters. Unfortunately, I think the divorce, aging combined with having children in tow sometimes can make some single mothers less picky with regard to their partners, rather than the reverse. It should actually be the opposite whe you are dating and you have children you have an obligation to not affirmatively introduce slime and abuse into their lives.

It happens all the time...my husband's mother was married three times. First time she had two children, including a beautiful daughter, with her high school sweetheart. He cheated and she divorced him. Then she married my father-in-law who she met him at a bar drinking with his pals. He was an alcoholic when she met and married him and, lo and behold, an alcoholic when she divorced him 5 years for what else?...being an alcoholic. In the process, she had my husband with the alcoholic. About 3 years later, she married another man, who she met him he "drank and ran around" and has 4 children from a previous marriage that he does not speak to. Now, none of these men were abusive. My father-in-law eventually gave up drinking and for the most part was a relatively peaceful and benign drunk. The stepfather also calmed down through the years and no longer drinks heavily or cheats, but, for the most part, is a very cold man. None of these men were abusive, but they could've been. The point is that my mother-in-law made the same mistakes over and over again and even continued to add children to the mix...In the end, it worked out okay by the grace of God, but it could have been worse.

Single mothers are okay to date, but, by and large, I see the vast majority of them putting their boyfriends and new husbands ahead of their children. Everyone is quite shocked when their child is murdered or abused by the man they love, but I can assure that the indicators were there.

 

[sherri79]

Everyone is quite shocked when their child is murdered or abused by the man they love, but I can assure that the indicators were there.

i agree 100% on that. how often do we really believe a great guy who never abused a child and really loves his girlfriends kids snaps and rapes and beats one to death? when you fall in love it is so easy to ignore the bad points. when you are a mother you cant but many do.

 

[Lilybug1]

I am sorry you had to endure growing up in an abusive home.

Abuse does come in so many forms. There is no way to predict who will and who will not abuse their children...because if there were...I am sure someone would have a law in place to prevent it from happening. We cannot take it upon ourselves to have certain people sterilized or trust me...I would give them plenty of names to start with!

I disagree. I think there are ways to discern whether someone will treat your child badly (whether that includes ignoring them, beating them, molesting them or killing them). It's called opening your eyes and seeing what is in front of you, instead of what you want to see.

I know what you are saying, but...the simple fact is that women need to choosy if not for themselves, then for their children, period. It's not a matter of opinion. It's a fact. If they choose not to be, then one day they may very well be reading an article about their own abused or murdered child.

I know a women whose son women NBA basketball tickets at school and he wanted his mother to go with him. This was, however, on a weekend night when the boy was with his father...the mother's boyfriend didn't like that she wouldn't be available to go out with him that weekend night since the kids are around all week and every other weekend. So you know what? The mother said no. How sad is that!

I met another women through my husband's work...and she started crying because she had just broken up with her boyfriend. He got jealous that she went to the office christmas party without her (no dates invited) and he moved out of the house. I strongly advised her that she is better off without him...she has two daughters. Does she really want to set that example for them?

 

[KOOL LOOK]

Let me chime in here. If, we could and would obey the ten commandments, we would have less sorrow. Single mothers can and should date when their ready, being a mother shouldn't stop life.


However, there should be rules, boundaries and limits, just like anything else in life when we make choices. Moving in the boyfriend was going to far with the relationship. The mother didn't expect or deman honor. There was no committment made to her or the children, or the home. That's a sign there something could go wrong.

An upstanding member of society makes honorable moves in life's choices. That's a flag to use to judge a persons character. Single people, parent or not, shouldn't be living with one another. Making a covenant with each other doesn't guarantee a favorable outcome by no means, but it does help establish a foundation of character and security. But not one hundred percent. I do get that.

There were signs all over the place in this home, you can believe that. He didn't just up and do this evil act without nothing leading up to it. I feel the mother should be charged with involuntary manslaughter. Convicted, sentence to be probation, for she has and will continue to suffer and be held into account in ways the judicial system can't address. Like societies judgement, answering to her living children and family.

The noterity of it all. That would be enough punishment for the mother to me. Having to live with these un-bearable consequences and the lack of love and companship of her daughter Hannah. I don't see her chocies of moving a stranger, she probably knew him less than a year prior to moving him in, is any different than making everyday choices such as not requiring them to buckle up, it's the law. Leaving loaded weapons laying around for access, etc... ya'll get my point.

We need to get back to the basics here. IN what our morals are concerning relationships, bearing children, creating and maintaining homes. We won't wipe out all crime against families, but I can assure you we would have far less than what we have now. When we keep lowering our standards, we open doors to trash, evil causing us to be vulnerable.

 

[Beyond Belief]

Its possible to keep the men out of the house.
I got a divorce when my daughter was 15. When she was 20 she got pregnant but did not marry her boyfriend. Her relationship latest until she was 25.
Never, I will repeat, NEVER, in those 10 years did either one of us have a man spend the night in our house. At 26, she married someone else and moved out then.
That was a decision we made together.
Mutual respect.

 

[Angel4Alpha]

There would BE no wonderful stepfathers to take over the role of the deadbeat dads then! We cannot tell these women not to date or who to sleep with! Not our business!

What we can do is to teach them self respect and that abuse is never acceptable under any circumstances.

Amen ! QFT!

 

[SeriouslySearching]

Its possible to keep the men out of the house.
I got a divorce when my daughter was 15. When she was 20 she got pregnant but did not marry her boyfriend. Her relationship latest until she was 25.
Never, I will repeat, NEVER, in those 10 years did either one of us have a man spend the night in our house. At 26, she married someone else and moved out then.
That was a decision we made together.
Mutual respect.

There is no guarantee the man she ended up married to won't abuse her or the children. They are with the children and frankly...it could happen just as easily with her being married to him as not.

 

[sherri79]

There is no guarantee the man she ended up married to won't abuse her or the children. They are with the children and frankly...it could happen just as easily with her being married to him as not.

there are never any guarantees but i would think a woman who put her kids before her sex life for all those years has a much much better chance of picking a good man than a woman who is living with a man she has known less than a year. i honestly believe parents who put their kids first and make moral choices because of how it will affect their children are not highly likely to pick scum. the problem i see is most single moms buy into that whole line about kids cant be happy unless mom is happy. then they twist it into a excuse to satisfy their needs at the expense of their children.

 

[j2mirish]

I am having a liittle trouble understanding why this mom is being crucified- without any real details being placed in front of us- the statement about a teacher reporting sexual abuse, is nothing more than gossip, imo- IF__IF the mother knew there were problems, then yes- she is as guilty as he is-- but RIGHT now, I dont see how we can be so judgementall-- yes, there are woman who put themselves above their children, but I think they are a very small minority- I dont think a man or woman should have to be "mateless" after a divorce- if a mother picks a "scum bag" after a divorce, I would guess there was a good chacne the original husband wasnt too much better- I dont think someone goes from happy home, good marriage, and family to a sexual, physical abuser--but - jmo--

 

[IdahoMom]

I dont think a man or woman should have to be "mateless" after a divorce- if a mother picks a "scum bag" after a divorce, I would guess there was a good chacne the original husband wasnt too much better- I dont think someone goes from happy home, good marriage, and family to a sexual, physical abuser--but - jmo--

:twocents: :twocents::twocents: :twocents: :twocents:

Note: this is a subject I feel passionately about. I lived with my Mom's mistakes as a child. I'm not trying to offend by my post below. It's my opinion. I'm talking about women bringing men into their homes, but the inverse could be applied. Statistically, men brought into kids' lives inflict more abuse on them than women do!

Women DO choose men over their children!

There are alot of women- and men- that bring their new flames into their homes right away, and indiscriminately. My mother did something similar- didn't date the guy long enough (maybe she turned the other cheek?) to learn that he was extremely physically abusive, especially when he drank. There were many, many knock-down, drag out fights in front of us kids (5). We called the police several times. Ultimately, this jerk from hell pretty much let my Mom know that her kids were cramping his style- one morning, she woke us up, told us to pack our bags and she dumped us on my Dad's doorstep. The abusive went on to beat my Mom for a few years afterward. She finally left him after she had to be hospitalized. I am positive that if we had stayed in the home that the could have/would have possibly killed some or all of us.

IMO, women can date guys outside of the home for a long period of time before thrusting them upon their children. The kids don't ask for that crap!

:twocents: :twocents::twocents: :twocents: :twocents:

 

[Camper]

IdahoMom, what a story you have told, I am so sorry!!!!!!!!!!!

When a mom brings a 'stud' into the home where the children already are suffering enough from the trauma of having their parents split, has to be the worst of the worst OF DUMB HEADED BEHAVIORS

Any man that does not care enough about the woman to keep the relationship on a building basis to find true love and honesty is not worth looking at twice much less once PARTICULARLY WHEN YOUNG CHILDREN ARE PRESENT.

IF IF either one of them does not see the BIG picture they are not worth spending any time with!!!!!!!!

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

I was acquainted with a woman a number of years ago, that brought a handsome stud into the home, they later broke up. Her grown children were invoved that suffered. This woman about two years later was traveling to rescue a son in trouble with his wife. Car slid on highway out of control hit the guard rail and she was beheaded. Hmmm.

===========

:twocents: :twocents::twocents: :twocents: :twocents:

Note: this is a subject I feel passionately about. I lived with my Mom's mistakes as a child. I'm not trying to offend by my post below. It's my opinion. I'm talking about women bringing men into their homes, but the inverse could be applied. Statistically, men brought into kids' lives inflict more abuse on them than women do!

Women DO choose men over their children!

There are alot of women- and men- that bring their new flames into their homes right away, and indiscriminately. My mother did something similar- didn't date the guy long enough (maybe she turned the other cheek?) to learn that he was extremely physically abusive, especially when he drank. There were many, many knock-down, drag out fights in front of us kids (5). We called the police several times. Ultimately, this jerk from hell pretty much let my Mom know that her kids were cramping his style- one morning, she woke us up, told us to pack our bags and she dumped us on my Dad's doorstep. The abusive went on to beat my Mom for a few years afterward. She finally left him after she had to be hospitalized. I am positive that if we had stayed in the home that the could have/would have possibly killed some or all of us.

IMO, women can date guys outside of the home for a long period of time before thrusting them upon their children. The kids don't ask for that crap!

:twocents: :twocents::twocents: :twocents: :twocents:

 

[IdahoMom]

IdahoMom, what a story you have told, I am so sorry!!!!!!!!!!!

When a mom brings a 'stud' into the home where the children already are suffering enough from the trauma of having their parents split, has to be the worst of the worst OF DUMB HEADED BEHAVIORS

Any man that does not care enough about the woman to keep the relationship on a building basis to find true love and honesty is not worth looking at twice much less once PARTICULARLY WHEN YOUNG CHILDREN ARE PRESENT.

IF IF either one of them does not see the BIG picture they are not worth spending any time with!!!!!!!!

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

I was acquainted with a woman a number of years ago, that brought a handsome stud into the home, they later broke up. Her grown children were invoved that suffered. This woman about two years later was traveling to rescue a son in trouble with his wife. Car slid on highway out of control hit the guard rail and she was beheaded. Hmmm.

===========

Hi Camper-
I've done a pretty good job of sorting through all the "stuff" that goes along with my childhood experiences. I just try everyday to improve on what I lived and I tell my kids I expect them to do the same with their children. Instead of perpetuating "stuff" from generation to generation, we're trying to "improve" with each generation.

Parenting is hard and I think bringing a 3rd wheel into the situation can make it harder! You just have to take it a day at a time.

That's a scary story about the lady you knew...what a way to go. Yikes!

 

[Gabby]

Sometimes, a smooth talker, a con man, and most pedophiles are, can get past even the most careful of mothers. Dana is going to have to live with this for the rest of her life, and that is punishment itself. I am anxiously awaiting the results of the DNA testing to find out more details before I pass judgment. Right now she is a mother hurting... and has two other daughters she has to care for. Her daughters are polite, well mannered and good kids according to the people who know, so I would say let's give Dana the benefit of the doubt and see what the police find out.:truce: