I think it's a shame that the original information on the older sister took so long to be corrected but I am happy it was.
I struggle to believe much of what orphanages say simply because so many people get their child home and find out all sorts of things they had never been told, or had not been in the childs file. Including heart issues, brain issues and so on.
It would be expensive to run all of these tests on every child to go into the orphanage and kids tend to learn to self-soothe and such very very young. They simply don't have someone giving the same amount of one-on-one that they get from a parent, in order for many issues to be noticed.
With Sherin, they say she loved milk and also said they didn't have enough for every child to receive everyday. So, one must assume this means that when it was that child's turn they would be excited as it would be a treat for them. Sherin, for her age, appears to be underweight in the orphanage pictures. She didn't have any baby weight, no chubby rolly arms, no pinchable cheeks and so on. Not the 2 year old we are USED to seeing. She may have been an excellent eater because she was simply never completely full. We also don't see photos of other kids in the orphanage from the same time. Perhaps food was very scarce and all the kids were doing well, but not thriving.
I think one of the top issues of international adoptive parents is they have eating issues. The children will over eat whenever allowed and can gain weight too fast and become unhealthy, they may need to have their calories watched because of this. The hoarding I have heard of can be anything from sneaking foods into their room, to keeping foods that are rotting and decaying etc with an almost "just in case" mentality. As if the child is thinking when the food runs out in the kitchen they won't have to go without again. IMO these overeating and hoarding issues lend to the idea that orphanages simply do not have enough food to offer to each child.
The other feeding issue I have heard (though less frequently), is a child who comes and eats really well, then stops. They realize they can afford to say no and there will always be more food offered. They are asserting themselves, coming into their own. Taking some control and so on.
If Sherin was suddenly refusing to eat (and the parents were actually offering her food?!) it could have simply been her being a typical 3 year old who felt confident in saying NO. I have a little cousin who will ONLY eat with ketchup. EVERYTHING has ketchup. He has done that since he was about 3. He is about 7 or so now and still does it! That kid will drink a bottle of ketchup. But, it's simply not "worth the fight" to try and force him to eat the food without it. He refuses, gets mad, tantrums ensue, everyone grows frustrated and the kid goes hungry. It's just NOT beneficial. So, as the "best" compromise in his case, they buy the low sugar, low sodium, organic ketchup to at least help keep the extra sugars out of his system. On the other hand, at least he is eating all his fruit, veggies and meat without complaint so long as he has ketchup.
As a result of seeing this type of odd behaviour, and being someone who is picky to the point I have fainted and been hospitalized because of refusing to eat (even as an adult, if I don't like it, i won't eat it), I can completely see Sherin refusing to eat with an "unless" attached, and the parents being so hyper-focused on her eating what they want when they say, that they allowed that to become all consuming, to the point that it did cause a new eating issue altogether. Some people swear by the "she will eat when she is hungry" but my mom was told that with me by the Ped, and a week later the Ped said "feed her what she wants, getting food in at this point is more important".
I simply do not see the Mathews being the type to just "give in" to a strong willed child who is trying to control a situation, whether it was over milk or something else. Right now, the affidavit strongly suggests that not only was Sherin left home alone while everyone else went to eat, because she wouldn't drink her milk (to help boost her calories!) but she then died later on in the night over a battle of wills because of some sort of milk or shake. It sounds like WM and SM were soooo keen on making her eat what they wanted and when they said, that they missed the point that Sherin needed these shakes and extra calories ON TOP of food.
I would THINK most of us would be saying okay lets go out to dinner, take Sherin, and her milk and try and compromise that way. With a "drink your milk and we can get dessert" type of thing. I remember when my son started to assert himself and not wanting to eat, that we would have "races" at the dinner table to see who could finish first. Not the best manners, but making it fun took the focus off of wasting food and then wanting a snack an hour later, to actually eating the initial portion without the drama AND then two hours later at bedtime, a snack wasn't a worry. Best of both worlds, fed children, food not wasted and a bit of a "reward" for them having eaten all their dinner and getting full. I know some moms whose kids will only eat their food if it is made into a face or is on a plate that has the dividers built in. I would think almost all parents struggle with food at some point, and that's why we spend money on gaudy disney place sets, to make the meal "fun".
Sorry for such a long rant. It just really has me swearing mad that simple tweaks on behalf of WM and SM when it came to how they fed Sherin, could have been the difference between a happy family that loved meal time, versus a now destroyed family and a dead child.
JMO, MOO and all that!
