VA - Anjelica "AJ" Hadsell, 18, Norfolk, 3 March 2015 #17

[raysgirl1126]

page 16 manic-depression disorder

HaHa! Moving too fast! Page 16 of the second link mom2six here: https://localtvwtkr.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/skmbt_60115032416290.pdf

 

[Zach]

I think that it pays to remember that "here" isn't the only place Zach has spoken of JH, AJ or this case and the girls are likely aware of the sum total of his statements.
For all I know Jennifer really is the most manipulative woman ever but, IMO, the girls' grief and their right to process it isn't about either of their parents. They should be allowed to work through it on their own terms. If they want to be with their mother right now I feel that should be respected and not questioned or weighed in terms of how it effects another adult.
As a kid that lived through this sort of tug-of-war with immature and self centered parents I can promise you that if JH is playing them the girls know it. If their father is using them as a pawn they know that too.


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Exactly why I have left them there longer than normal and exactly why I let Anjelica go 5 years ago. Because I don't want the tug of war and I am not trying to be self centered and definitely don't use my children as a pawn.

 

[runninglowonbananas]

Did anyone ever think maybe jh had an argument with aj that went south and she called wh to help coverup? Just speculating...

 

[Debnva]

Agreed. All we can do is support him emotionally here and help make suggestions on where he can find some professional help if it's needed. The girls need BOTH of their parents right now.

The family has lost so much- I am praying that there is only one person involved, and that the rest of these kids can move on without losing anyone else.

 

[Mountain_Kat]

I split custody with their mother. THIS is their home too and this is my week and the fact they are not talking is very bad.

What do you mean by "not talking"? You mean, not answering your questions about the situation with AJ, or just not talking to you in general?

(And you certainly don't have to answer this if you don't want to.)

 

[momcares1]

I know this is kinda O/T but I was just wondering if any of you locals here are planning on going to the memorial service on Saturday? I'm local but I never knew AJ personally, although as much as I have learned about her over the past weeks I feel like we were great friends. She has touched my heart in such a big way I know I will always have a place in it for her. I was just wondering if there is some sort of etiquette for this sort of thing, is it disrespectful to go? This may sound like a silly question to most of you, but I hope you can understand why I am asking.

I'll probably take my daughter. She knows the family.
it says to wear bright colorful clothing.

 

[Zach]

Agree. The kids are getting an enormous amount of love from AJs friends and teammates that are stopping by. Which can help them feel less morbid during this time.

So now isn't the time for custody disputes. They would think he is trying to separate their last memories that they have of AJ. Jmo.

Thank you. That's what I was wondering. I think I need to give them space and being alone with me might not be as beneficial as being around all her friends. Especially considering my anger on top of it. But there is a lot of drama going on and people I do not know are there, some of which are questionable in character. Plus it reminds me of how she 'encouraged' Anjelica to forget me. Anyway I am torn.

 

[hey-Debbie]

I split custody with their mother. THIS is their home too and this is my week and the fact they are not talking is very bad.

Just let them know you love them every day, which I'm sure you do. Maybe you could just arrange a meeting this week to take them out to dinner or for ice cream or something or even go to the house and bring them something small, their favorite treat. Let them know you are there for them and respect them too. I am sure they don't want to go far from their mother because they are probably hurting for her too. I know it's probably hard for you to go over to that house given the fact that there are so many people that are probably pitted against you. Stay strong.

 

[Forager]

Zach--My heart goes out to you and I'm sure you feel paralyzed and beaten down by grief and your recent church betrayal of trust. But please, put your personal feelings aside for the sake of your girls and be a strong presence in their lives. They need you now more than ever. If they give you attitude, just smile (though your heart is breaking) and hug them. They are just kids in a terrible environment. It's up to you to counteract that with gentle, consistent kindness. They may resist, but remember the words of Jesus... "There is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving." Unselfish love is what you can give them Zach, and eventually it will come back to you. But even if it doesn't, you will know that you did THE RIGHT THING. Now go get those girls, friend. You can do this!

There is wisdom in what she's saying. It's hugely important to have a caring grownup family member in a kid's corner, whether or not they realize it at the moment or not. In a too often uncaring and discombobulated world, having someone like Zach involved can make all the difference in young lives. That has to be a bruising, anxiety ridden role in circumstances like these. I wish him courage and patience in keeping himself whole as he goes through the nightmare. I hope that he realizes that half the battle is just in being there and keeping going. Being in top form isn't possible, but it isn't required or expected.

 

[Zach]

What do you mean by "not talking"? You mean, not answering your questions about the situation with AJ, or just not talking to you in general?

(And you certainly don't have to answer this if you don't want to.)

I mean they would normally be texting me or calling me our even wanting to see me sometimes, especially during hard times. They haven't for 5 days. Anjelica stopped doing this on her mom's weeks and then she left.

 

[vasportsmom]

Because the news has been all over the place, a convict with who knows what rap sheet is the spokesman, there are tons of people there all the time, most of which I THEIR FATHER do not know. I would not be ripping them away. This is their week with me but I am so upset that they haven't called or responded to my texts and had attitude with me when I did last talk and that they are so worried for their mother who already did this once with Anjelica. THAT IS DRAMA! Not talking to their father but making posts on Facebook and talking to the news and hugging men and boys I do not know is drama. Pretending that I am nobody to Anjelica is wrong. Tearing down my flyers and treating me like crap is wrong. Their mother is far more hateful about me then I ever could be about her and my children are FULLY aware of that and even remind me of that. EVERYONE in that camp knows how she feels about me and if you knew what kind of person she really is then you would not support her. She has no reason to hate me except that I do not stand for her lies and I represent the truth in her crumbling world of lies. How is it that Anjelica should be Hadsell??? Even if Wes didn't hurt her, he met her as a teenager and did not raise her. He is a drug addict and had a record of serious criminal activity and mental illness leading to destructive action including suicide attempts. He has led profusely and his wife went with it every step of the way until he was jailed. She apparently knew about the ammunition and his gun activity. Is that not a crime? What did she know if his drug use and when did she plan on telling me my children were living with a drug addict? Or was she just gonna handle it on her own like she has done and miserably failed at already? She is not who she appears to be. What good things does she have to say about Anjelica to all these people who have helped so much and cared so much and shed do many tears even if they don't know her? She OWNS Anjelica and all the rights thereof including branding and trademark and whatever dumb crap. She OWNS but does she love? Is she capable?

I understand that you are hurt and I am not trying to dispute or mitigate that. I am also not supporting Jennifer.
I do think that you are conflating drama with turmoil and they are two very different things. AJ's case is rather high profile and Jennifer couldn't get rid of the media and cameras even if she wanted to. I know that she has asked for privacy but we all know how that goes.
You are taking your daughters' actions very personally right now and I'm sure that it feels that way but I would advise taking a step back and realizing that they are trying to process their own hurt and inflicting hurt on you likely isn't intentional. What feels like a personal attack to you is a byproduct of them dealing with their own grief, loss and uncertainty.
I can't comment on why Wes was allowed to adopt AJ when he did. It was a decision that her mother had every right to make though and I feel certain that AJ was allowed a say in it.
It disturbs me that you speak of Jennifer owning AJ. People are not owned, given away or taken back. AJ was a legal adult and it is demeaning to speak of her as if she was property to be fought over.


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[mom2six]

Zach,
What is happening with the girls right now may look and feel the same. But this time, circumstances are different. You have rights to the girls you did not have with AJ. You have the wisdom of experience to guide your decisions moving forward. This does not have to play out the same. Keep trying to maintain contact and be that stable support. You know how best to get through to them. They may feel that their mom NEEDS them right now. She may have put that pressure on them.

Let them know you are there for them whatever they need. It is a situation that needs to be navigated very gently and carefully, but I am sure you can do it. I will lift this specifically up to the Lord to grant you wisdom and clarity to make the best decisions for all of your sake. We all want to support you in whatever way we can. Do not be discouraged. Show them your love by giving them the power to make a choice this week and supporting them through it. If they remain with their mom (again, who is likely pressuring them or they may be afraid of what she would do without them) contact them every day to let them know you love and miss them and continue to support them. If they have not come around, there is time to enforce your rights.

 

[Mountain_Kat]

I mean they would normally be texting me or calling me our even wanting to see me sometimes, especially during hard times. They haven't for 5 days. Anjelica stopped doing this on her mom's weeks and then she left.

If this is your week to be with your girls, maybe consider sticking to that routine? Try to put aside your anger and depression, and theirs, for a bit, and take them out to do something that will get their minds, and YOURS, off of things for awhile?

Just a suggestion.

 

[FleurQualia]

Exactly why I have left them there longer than normal and exactly why I let Anjelica go 5 years ago. Because I don't want the tug of war and I am not trying to be self centered and definitely don't use my children as a pawn.

Oh Zach, I am sorry this conversation has become upsetting. I just hope you know that most of us believe you about JH and what you have been going through. I hope I did not offend you with my comment above; it was just my two cents about taking action at this point in time that could do you more harm than good.

I could not imagine how i would feel in your shoes, but knowing me I would probably be wreck :hug:

I wish there was something you or we could do to make this all right.

 

[momcares1]

Because the news has been all over the place, a convict with who knows what rap sheet is the spokesman, there are tons of people there all the time, most of which I THEIR FATHER do not know. I would not be ripping them away. This is their week with me but I am so upset that they haven't called or responded to my texts and had attitude with me when I did last talk and that they are so worried for their mother who already did this once with Anjelica. THAT IS DRAMA! Not talking to their father but making posts on Facebook and talking to the news and hugging men and boys I do not know is drama. Pretending that I am nobody to Anjelica is wrong. Tearing down my flyers and treating me like crap is wrong. Their mother is far more hateful about me then I ever could be about her and my children are FULLY aware of that and even remind me of that. EVERYONE in that camp knows how she feels about me and if you knew what kind of person she really is then you would not support her. She has no reason to hate me except that I do not stand for her lies and I represent the truth in her crumbling world of lies. How is it that Anjelica should be Hadsell??? Even if Wes didn't hurt her, he met her as a teenager and did not raise her. He is a drug addict and had a record of serious criminal activity and mental illness leading to destructive action including suicide attempts. He has lied profusely and his wife went with it every step of the way until he was jailed. She apparently knew about the ammunition and his gun activity. Is that not a crime? What did she know if his drug use and when did she plan on telling me my children were living with a drug addict? Or was she just gonna handle it on her own like she has done and miserably failed at already? She is not who she appears to be. What good things does she have to say about Anjelica to all these people who have helped so much and cared so much and shed do many tears even if they don't know her? She OWNS Anjelica and all the rights thereof including branding and trademark and whatever dumb crap. She OWNS but does she love? Is she capable?

Imo I believe the children are hearing what the adults are talking about in regards to this case. The stories I hear of what they know what they have found out, info coming from a young child is imo a little extreme. I don't want to post any of the info I heard up here.
I do agree with everyone else... Zach I can't imagine the pain and heartache your going through right now but you have to be strong and be there for your other girls and from what I've heard they are being filled with hate towards you so just keep showing them your there for them and love them.

 

[Lilibet]

Thank you. That's what I was wondering. I think I need to give them space and being alone with me might not be as beneficial as being around all her friends. Especially considering my anger on top of it. But there is a lot of drama going on and people I do not know are there, some of which are questionable in character. Plus it reminds me of how she 'encouraged' Anjelica to forget me. Anyway I am torn.

Zach, are the girls friendly with any family or friends of yours nearby? Could you take them out for dinner and bowling or something with a few others they feel comfortable with, so it's not just you alone? You're right that your anger will not help, but having others around for a short visit will make it easier for you to keep things loving and kind. What happened with Anjelica does not have to happen with your girls. I'm keeping you in my prayers. I know you will find a way to wrap your girls in love, even if it's just for an evening.

 

[darring21]

Did anyone ever think maybe jh had an argument with aj that went south and she called wh to help coverup? Just speculating...

Yes - and I alluded to it earlier. Might explain the lack of SM after Sunday night, the torn up check card, and the reconciliation between WH and JH.

 

[StacyMarie83]

Because the news has been all over the place, a convict with who knows what rap sheet is the spokesman, there are tons of people there all the time, most of which I THEIR FATHER do not know. I would not be ripping them away. This is their week with me but I am so upset that they haven't called or responded to my texts and had attitude with me when I did last talk and that they are so worried for their mother who already did this once with Anjelica. THAT IS DRAMA! Not talking to their father but making posts on Facebook and talking to the news and hugging men and boys I do not know is drama. Pretending that I am nobody to Anjelica is wrong. Tearing down my flyers and treating me like crap is wrong. Their mother is far more hateful about me then I ever could be about her and my children are FULLY aware of that and even remind me of that. EVERYONE in that camp knows how she feels about me and if you knew what kind of person she really is then you would not support her. She has no reason to hate me except that I do not stand for her lies and I represent the truth in her crumbling world of lies. How is it that Anjelica should be Hadsell??? Even if Wes didn't hurt her, he met her as a teenager and did not raise her. He is a drug addict and had a record of serious criminal activity and mental illness leading to destructive action including suicide attempts. He has lied profusely and his wife went with it every step of the way until he was jailed. She apparently knew about the ammunition and his gun activity. Is that not a crime? What did she know if his drug use and when did she plan on telling me my children were living with a drug addict? Or was she just gonna handle it on her own like she has done and miserably failed at already? She is not who she appears to be. What good things does she have to say about Anjelica to all these people who have helped so much and cared so much and shed do many tears even if they don't know her? She OWNS Anjelica and all the rights thereof including branding and trademark and whatever dumb crap. She OWNS but does she love? Is she capable?

:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:

 

[NJJohn]

Because the news has been all over the place ... <RSBM>

I know you are just venting some frustration here, and I agree with you 100%, but I would warn you to be careful what you say in a public forum. The walls have ears here. Only you know what's best for your family, and I hope you are able to find it.

 

[vasportsmom]

Zach, are the girls friendly with any family or friends of yours nearby? Could you take them out for dinner and bowling or something with a few others they feel comfortable with, so it's not just you alone? You're right that your anger will not help, but having others around for a short visit will make it easier for you to keep things loving and kind. What happened with Anjelica does not have to happen with your girls. I'm keeping you in my prayers. I know you will find a way to wrap your girls in love, even if it's just for an evening.

This is a great suggestion. Perhaps a movie would work too. Anything that allows them to get their mind off of AJ for a bit would help. "Home" is really funny and not as little kid cartoon-y as I feared. A few laughs never hurts.


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