Found Deceased VA - Lance Buckley, 33, Stafford, 5 May 2015

[elmomom]

Sadly, depression is frequently a fatal disease. I am so relieved that this family has a second chance, and I hope that Mr Buckley is able to find a treatment that will help him. For now I think they need their privacy.

 

[Night-owl]

Glad nothing bad happened. But looking at his clothes in the ATM pics, it looks like it is time to grow up and carry yourself like a man. Life is not all flowers and daisies every day. I hope he can learn some new ways to cope with the pressures of daily life.

PhD students are still students, and depending what's on the agenda that day, they may be in a suit or they may be mighty casual.

"Grow up"? The guy has a family, a job and is in a doctoral program. That's not a slacker. If his wife vanished, I don't think there would be half as judgemental. Simply having a Y chromosome doesn't make a person immune to stress, depression or other mental illness. [emoji34]

While I'm sure it's difficult for his whole family, he's ALIVE. Surely it wouldn't be better for them to be planning a funeral. And I'll also give him credit for not going the route of Mark Hacking or John List.

 

[Tssiemer]

I wonder what the text at 10 that morning said.


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[Amster]

Isn't his graduation tomorrow?

 

[jojo87]

Wonderful news I had expected a sad outcome. I am glad he is home.

 

[JeannaT]

I'm glad he's found safe, and hopefully his family can heal out of the public spotlight.

I understand that mindset of suddenly wanting to LEAVE. I had a year with too much on my plate and I had this huge fantasy of getting in the car and driving. Anywhere. Just get behind the wheel and GO. And I would do that in a tiny way - drive across town to a grocery store instead of going to the one a mile away. When a brain is under too much stress, it continually tells the body to run.

I think people often underestimate the weight of responsibility having 2 small children causes men to feel, and men who take that responsibility seriously (and are smart enough to know what they're committed to) often struggle with the stress. Men who don't care, or don't feel responsible for their kids skip merrily along while men who take on the life long task they've signed up for get serious jitters about it.

He seems like a nice guy, and his wife certainly seems lovely.

 

[lucky181]

Isn't his graduation tomorrow?

It looks like the hooding ceremony was May 7. I don't see his name in the profile list of Doctoral Candidates.

http://www.gs.howard.edu/announcements/Hood Booklet 2015 FINAL-May6.pdf

 

[AnnaGrace]

I'm so glad he's been found safe. I hope he and his family will be ok. Sometimes the pressures in life can be too much. We all handle it differently. It's better that he took a break than his life. Prayers for all of them.

 

[meanmaryjean]

PhD students are still students, and depending what's on the agenda that day, they may be in a suit or they may be mighty casual.

"Grow up"? The guy has a family, a job and is in a doctoral program. That's not a slacker. If his wife vanished, I don't think there would be half as judgemental. Simply having a Y chromosome doesn't make a person immune to stress, depression or other mental illness. [emoji34]

While I'm sure it's difficult for his whole family, he's ALIVE. Surely it wouldn't be better for them to be planning a funeral. And I'll also give him credit for not going the route of Mark Hacking or John List.

BBM: I missed that part - what was his job?

 

[Inspector Gidget]

It looks like the hooding ceremony was May 7. I don't see his name in the profile list of Doctoral Candidates.

http://www.gs.howard.edu/announcements/Hood Booklet 2015 FINAL-May6.pdf

I bet he didn't make it,that explains why he would have been so upset.Someone on here called this early on.

 

[emeraldine]

I'm glad he's found safe, and hopefully his family can heal out of the public spotlight.

I understand that mindset of suddenly wanting to LEAVE. I had a year with too much on my plate and I had this huge fantasy of getting in the car and driving. Anywhere. Just get behind the wheel and GO. And I would do that in a tiny way - drive across town to a grocery store instead of going to the one a mile away. When a brain is under too much stress, it continually tells the body to run.

I think people often underestimate the weight of responsibility having 2 small children causes men to feel, and men who take that responsibility seriously (and are smart enough to know what they're committed to) often struggle with the stress. Men who don't care, or don't feel responsible for their kids skip merrily along while men who take on the life long task they've signed up for get serious jitters about it.

He seems like a nice guy, and his wife certainly seems lovely.

Urgh...please don't think it's normal for men(smart or otherwise) to even entertain the thought of chickening out and hitting "reset" on their families just because of what a grave responsibility it is to have them.

There's a reason why men bring pictures of their wives/children to put on their desks at work, and that reason isn't separation anxiety. It's because work is the most stressful place for many to be, and being reminded that they will still have their families to go home to at the end of the day is what gives them the strength to go on despite that desire to leave that does, indeed, strike all people(male or female) when we're overwhelmed.

Most stressed people drive around, like you said, in a sort of "symbolic" way(I do that, too, sometimes, and it helps); or else, they find something centering to do, have a heart-to-heart with their spouses, or talk to a trusted advisor...they don't run out on their dependent children(and the recovering mother of those children) at the worst possible time without any sort of warning, and then send a text message after several days before finally returning without even explaining themselves to the authorities who dropped everything on their behalf.

It just hurts to even think about someone choosing to do such a selfish, adolescent thing...I'm alarmed that so many women here seem to both support and defend this man.

He's clearly conflicted, not knowing whether or not he wants to continue forward with his wife, children, and/or chosen career path. As another commenter said, he really should seek counseling - hopefully before he decides to do something more drastic.

It's not typical, healthy, or acceptable behavior...whether he meets the requirements for graduation or not.

 

[mrsobrien]

Urgh...please don't think it's normal for men(smart or otherwise) to even entertain the thought of chickening out and hitting "reset" on their families just because of what a grave responsibility it is to have them.

There's a reason why men bring pictures of their wives/children to put on their desks at work, and that reason isn't separation anxiety. It's because work is the most stressful place for many to be, and being reminded that they will still have their families to go home to at the end of the day is what gives them the strength to go on despite that desire to leave that does, indeed, strike all people(male or female) when we're overwhelmed.

Most stressed people drive around, like you said, in a sort of "symbolic" way(I do that, too, sometimes, and it helps); or else, they find something centering to do, have a heart-to-heart with their spouses, or talk to a trusted advisor...they don't run out on their dependent children(and the recovering mother of those children) at the worst possible time without any sort of warning, and then send a text message after several days before finally returning without even explaining themselves to the authorities who dropped everything on their behalf.

It just hurts to even think about someone choosing to do such a selfish, adolescent thing...I'm alarmed that so many women here seem to both support and defend this man.

He's clearly conflicted, not knowing whether or not he wants to continue forward with his wife, children, and/or chosen career path. As another commenter said, he really should seek counseling - hopefully before he decides to do something more drastic.

It's not typical, healthy, or acceptable behavior...whether he meets the requirements for graduation or not.

I neither support or condemn his actions. None of us knows what he's going through and we are in no position to judge. Typical people do not run, but maybe his stressors are not typical. We don't know. Frankly, now that he's been found, the rest is none of our business, imo. I'm positive he's dealing with a world of $hit right now, he now has the original stressors PLUS the consequences of his recent actions.

 

[emeraldine]

If the fact that he's found makes what he did none of our business, then his graduation date/career/family/motives/etc. are also none of our business.

Hopefully everything will work out for the best for his family, whatever the final outcome of everything that's happened so far will be.

 

[mrsobrien]

I couldn't agree more.

If the fact that he's found makes what he did none of our business, then his graduation date/career/family/motives/etc. are also none of our business.

Hopefully everything will work out for the best for his family, whatever the final outcome of everything that's happened so far will be.

 

[Teche]

I haven't walked in his shoes or that of his family. I believe he has inner struggles as well as having a young family and a demanding educational program. In the big scheme of life, not completing an academic program in a given time frame is not so important. What's of utmost importance is that children still have their dad and a wife has her spouse. Hopefully the family can go on and receive help and that Lance can develop the better coping skills. I wish that all our missing person's cases resulted with this ending. I applaud the wife for being open in voicing her concerns.

 

[Queen Bee]

Urgh...please don't think it's normal for men(smart or otherwise) to even entertain the thought of chickening out and hitting "reset" on their families just because of what a grave responsibility it is to have them.

There's a reason why men bring pictures of their wives/children to put on their desks at work, and that reason isn't separation anxiety. It's because work is the most stressful place for many to be, and being reminded that they will still have their families to go home to at the end of the day is what gives them the strength to go on despite that desire to leave that does, indeed, strike all people(male or female) when we're overwhelmed.

Most stressed people drive around, like you said, in a sort of "symbolic" way(I do that, too, sometimes, and it helps); or else, they find something centering to do, have a heart-to-heart with their spouses, or talk to a trusted advisor...they don't run out on their dependent children(and the recovering mother of those children) at the worst possible time without any sort of warning, and then send a text message after several days before finally returning without even explaining themselves to the authorities who dropped everything on their behalf.

It just hurts to even think about someone choosing to do such a selfish, adolescent thing...I'm alarmed that so many women here seem to both support and defend this man.

He's clearly conflicted, not knowing whether or not he wants to continue forward with his wife, children, and/or chosen career path. As another commenter said, he really should seek counseling - hopefully before he decides to do something more drastic.

It's not typical, healthy, or acceptable behavior...whether he meets the requirements for graduation or not.

what??? and as for the rest of your post, good lord, you sound like you would have been happier if he would have blown his brains out......where is your empathy for a human being fgs? he's safe!!! this person has children and is obviously in a very dark place and in need of help!!......

no wonder people in this country are so hesitant to reach out for help.......to admit that things are falling apart and they can't cope, that maybe they cannot keep up the facade, or maybe they cannot meet the expectations they or someone set for themselves.....it might be a temporary problem or be a deeper issue but it's a problem to be sure........and obviously judgement is quick, quick and vicious and fierce, and everyone judging is the perfect spouse, employee, parent....no wonder we see these situations end so tragically most of the time!!!'

but this time it didn't.........so let's don't brow beat him.....let's have empathy for this family and now allow them privacy to heal and receive the help they need.......these babies still have a daddy, this woman still has a husband, these parents still have their son......have some empathy, let them heal, show some humanity.........some day you might walk in his shoes.........never say never.........

 

[kaen]

At one point it was thought he had a gun. I am glad he is found safe. That said, I am so happy he did not harm anyone else.

 

[emeraldine]

what??? and as for the rest of your post, good lord, you sound like you would have been happier if he would have blown his brains out......where is your empathy for a human being fgs? he's safe!!! this person has children and is obviously in a very dark place and in need of help!!......

no wonder people in this country are so hesitant to reach out for help.......to admit that things are falling apart and they can't cope, that maybe they cannot keep up the facade, or maybe they cannot meet the expectations they or someone set for themselves.....it might be a temporary problem or be a deeper issue but it's a problem to be sure........and obviously judgement is quick, quick and vicious and fierce, and everyone judging is the perfect spouse, employee, parent....no wonder we see these situations end so tragically most of the time!!!'

but this time it didn't.........so let's don't brow beat him.....let's have empathy for this family and now allow them privacy to heal and receive the help they need.......these babies still have a daddy, this woman still has a husband, these parents still have their son......have some empathy, let them heal, show some humanity.........some day you might walk in his shoes.........never say never.........

Alright, I want you to show me where, in a post that illustrates the love most men have for their families(which was made solely because I don't want women to think it's "okay" or "just a man thing" if their husbands decide to reject their families), that I even remotely suggest that I would have wanted this man to blow his brains out.

Show me.

I don't see it.

I have expressed repeatedly that I'm glad he was found, and that I'm glad he is alive.

However, all the empathy in the world won't make it okay for women to allow men to mistreat them...if I see people who think that abandonment and poor coping skills are the sorts of traits that every man displays in his life(in other words, if they think it's just something that's to be expected and forgiven and allowed), it feels wrong to not speak up and say something in defense of the many wonderful men who don't display these traits.

 

[elmomom]

Alright, I want you to show me where, in a post that illustrates the love most men have for their families(which was made solely because I don't want women to think it's "okay" or "just a man thing" if their husbands decide to reject their families), that I even remotely suggest that I would have wanted this man to blow his brains out.

Show me.

I don't see it.

I have expressed repeatedly that I'm glad he was found, and that I'm glad he is alive.

However, all the empathy in the world won't make it okay for women to allow men to mistreat them...if I see people who think that abandonment and poor coping skills are the sorts of traits that every man displays in his life(in other words, if they think it's just something that's to be expected and forgiven and allowed), it feels wrong to not speak up and say something in defense of the many wonderful men who don't display these traits.

BBM

Allow men to mistreat them? What???
If you cannot recognize that a person you love is suffering, rejoice when you find them, and support them to become well again, then you are mistaken about what real love and commitment are - notice, I did not specify man or woman, because this applies to both spouses. It has nothing to do with irresponsibility, mistreatment or selfishness. Apparently you are not well versed in depression, and empathy.

 

[Queen Bee]

Alright, I want you to show me where, in a post that illustrates the love most men have for their families(which was made solely because I don't want women to think it's "okay" or "just a man thing" if their husbands decide to reject their families), that I even remotely suggest that I would have wanted this man to blow his brains out.

Show me.

I don't see it.

I have expressed repeatedly that I'm glad he was found, and that I'm glad he is alive.

However, all the empathy in the world won't make it okay for women to allow men to mistreat them...if I see people who think that abandonment and poor coping skills are the sorts of traits that every man displays in his life(in other words, if they think it's just something that's to be expected and forgiven and allowed), it feels wrong to not speak up and say something in defense of the many wonderful men who don't display these traits.

i'm sorry, when did this become a thread about the mistreatment of women by EVERY man??? i have no need for you to train me on this issue, thank you......i have a wonderful husband of 26 years that treats me with mutual love and respect just as my father treated my mother (may she RIP) and as i have raised all my sons to treat the women in their lives........i assure you i am no doormat......however, i am glad to see some humanity in you regarding THIS man and his obvious stress or mental issues in that you are GLAD he's alive....