Malignant Narcissists will go to great lengths to achieve their aim. They can be intelligent, high functioning (hold an important job for example) soft-spoken, charming, tearful/seemingly emotional, gracious, well mannered, kind and have the ability to form relationships. They may lie, falsely accuse, dramatize, smear, cheat, steal, manipulate, accuse, blame or twist to get what they want and feel justified in doing so. Because they are entitled, egocentric and desperate, they do not experience it as wrong. They are determined to gratify their wishes and furious if thwarted. Their desire can be so consuming that there is little comprehension of, respect for or ability to empathize with the other. They lack guilt or remorse and tend to feel or pronounce that it is they who have been mistreated. They can be of any gender, race or social class.
The combination of subtle paranoia, lack of conscience and sadism in Malignant Narcissists renders these individuals scary, dangerous, and ruthless. Because they have not internalized the capacity for restraint, revenge for imagined assaults can be cruel, excessive and unfathomable. Their wish to humiliate and destroy can be extreme.
The brutality can be directed at a specific person and hidden from others. They may torment someone in private and claim that it is the other way around, as masters of this classic form of projection. They pinpoint those with gullibility and goodness who might trust too much or be incapable of fighting back with similar measures. For many people, it is not psychologically possible to return the lies, manipulations, deceit, and emotional violence. A modicum of mental health and basic decency preclude this option. Unfortunately, if the Malignant Narcissist is an effective storyteller, unknowing, well meaning others will support his or her destructive actions, and contribute to a horrid, wrenching mess.
Being the target of such a person can be terrifying. Psychologist Erich Fromm who invented the term Malignant Narcissist described it as a severe pathology, the quintessence of evil and the root of the most vicious destructiveness and inhumanity. We might ascribe this to terrorists, dictators or sadistic historical figures but it can be one, even two people in one family who cause a lifetime of heartache. As one personality disorders expert told me while I was in training, These people terrorize their families.