I agree that we should distinguish between "arranged marriages" and "forced marriages" but do you have a link to any data regarding your statement about the longevity of arranged marriages compared to non-arranged marriages? Thanks in advance.
I don’t have a link right now, but I can look for one in a bit. However, here is a bit of perspective, but please understand this is my thinking and experience. I’ve never been in an arranged marriage.
I was married in the way that is commonplace these days in the West: I met a guy, we had “chemistry”, and I thought we had a lot in common, values-wise. However, it didn’t last long, and I eventually came to find out that the things that bound us together were, after all, pretty shallow and fleeting.
I was single for quite a few years, then met a man in an online venue (a dating app) which I’d describe as “values based”. We struck up a conversation and were soon talking on the phone for several hours every night. We clicked in all the most important things, mainly what I’d describe as “worldview”, as well as the fact that we seemed to have a fair amount of compatibility. When we finally met in person, after quite a few weeks, I really felt it would just be a “confirmation”, which it was. We were in love and had tons of attraction. I always thought that it must be a bit similar to what an arranged marriage is like, and the opposite of what the “normal” way of finding a spouse in the West is: The “normal” way is to see someone in person, sparks fly, and then you get to know each other on a deeper level. Hopefully, things work out on the “deeper level”, because you’re often already quite attached to the person. Meeting the way we did, it’s sort of the opposite: you get to know the person in a more meaningful way
first, then the physical attraction builds.
Again, this wasn’t an arranged marriage, but I’ve always thought that it must be similar.
And then there’s this: As I got older, and spent much of my “prime of life” pining for an intimate relationship (I don’t just mean physical, but an intimate relationship in every aspect of the word) I found myself wondering why parents don’t often involve themselves anymore with helping their children find their, what used to be called “vocation”, anymore. These days, you’re sort of just turned out to find by happenstance the partner of your life. The one you’ll depend on throughout life; who’d (hopefully) give their life for you. Who you’ll raise children with, grow old with, and be there through the thick and thin of the joys and traumas of life. Who may need to help take care of your own parents in their old age.
In our case, it’s certainly worked out. I get teased all the time because I LOVE being with my husband (I’m crazy about him) and we help each other through life. A few years ago we had to literally drop our life, our house, etc., and move to another state to take care of his mother. Now, he’s helping take care of my father. We just “do what we have to do”. Right now, I’m taking care of him and in several weeks, he’ll be taking care of me as I undergo a major surgery.
I know if this is WAY more than what you asked about, but I just see some parallels with arranged marriages. Forced marriage: NEVER.
