Where do you start??

[TGIRecovered]

WS is Websleuths.

I apologize in advance if I offend anyone, but it seems only fair to tell you, Smith and Jones, that your reasons for wanting to find your ex-girlfriend might lead a person to wonder if this is really a good idea.

You seem to me to be easily angered; at police for being "hostile and no good"; at Websleuths for being organized in a way you don't like; at other posters for using abbreviations which you find confusing and unnecessary; and at theyaremissed.org for advising you as we did, to first file a report with police.

I don't know of any calm, reasonable, law-abiding citizens who find themselves being beat upon by police "for no good reason".

While it is possible that you are an honest, sweet, caring friend with only your friend's well-being in mind, you could just as likely be an angry, obsessed stalker. This is probably why you are getting more questions and not any info about your friend. Browse around webslueths a bit and you'll see how often women are hurt or killed by former boyfriends or husbands.

What I have written here is not meant to offend or insult you. Just trying to help you understand why some might seem unhelpful to you.

I hope your friend is okay. Please, give the police a chance if you are truly concerned. Let us know what they say, then maybe you'll get more help.

Just to be clear, I hope I haven't spoken out of turn. I'm not in charge of or speaking for anyone but myself. I am not trying to run you off, just trying to help!

Susan

 

[TGIRecovered]

Sorry, Ella'smom!

I guess we were writing at almost the same time! Ditto what you said!

Susan

 

[ella's mom]

Sorry, Ella'smom!

I guess we were writing at almost the same time! Ditto what you said!

Susan

Glad to see I wasn't alone. I think you did a better job though!!

 

[englishleigh]

WS is Websleuths.

I apologize in advance if I offend anyone, but it seems only fair to tell you, Smith and Jones, that your reasons for wanting to find your ex-girlfriend might lead a person to wonder if this is really a good idea.

You seem to me to be easily angered; at police for being "hostile and no good"; at Websleuths for being organized in a way you don't like; at other posters for using abbreviations which you find confusing and unnecessary; and at theyaremissed.org for advising you as we did, to first file a report with police.

I don't know of any calm, reasonable, law-abiding citizens who find themselves being beat upon by police "for no good reason".

While it is possible that you are an honest, sweet, caring friend with only your friend's well-being in mind, you could just as likely be an angry, obsessed stalker. This is probably why you are getting more questions and not any info about your friend. Browse around webslueths a bit and you'll see how often women are hurt or killed by former boyfriends or husbands.

What I have written here is not meant to offend or insult you. Just trying to help you understand why some might seem unhelpful to you.

I hope your friend is okay. Please, give the police a chance if you are truly concerned. Let us know what they say, then maybe you'll get more help.

Just to be clear, I hope I haven't spoken out of turn. I'm not in charge of or speaking for anyone but myself. I am not trying to run you off, just trying to help!

Susan

:clap:

It's possible that this woman just does not want to be found, especially by an ex-boyfriend. I also think it's very possible that her family and friends KNOW where she is but are not telling you b/c they know she would not want to be bothered. JMHO.

 

[ketel0ne]

99% of the threads (names) you see on the main forum page on Missing Persons Information and Support start with either a news article or a family member giving details that came from a missing poster, article or police report.

There is criteria that all missing people forums, blogs, and agency have to track and validate missing people. At websleuths this criteria is vetted by the forum members as a whole in discussions and postings and by administrators. If validation can't be made the thread either dies (falls down the list) on its own or in some cases is removed completely.

In almost every case a police report the first step but without enough details they will not open a report.

 

[jilly]

I recently went through an ordeal trying to find my brother. He has not been seen or heard of for the past 3 months. He walked away from his job, his car (his insurance had run out).
At first he was periodically spotted panhandling by former co-workers but like I said - nothing the past 3 months.

I phoned our local police force. They cited the Privacy Act. According to them this does not fit into the category of 'missing' because there is no evidence of something sinister. They go on the premise that this 'person' may not want to be found which they are entitled to. They consider my request to be a"compassionate" one to find an individual. They told me to phone every homeless shelter and if that didn't turn up anything then hire a private detective.

I called two shelters which were located where he was last sighted. They too would give me nothing citing the Privacy Act.

About the only thing I can do next is go to these shelters, sit and wait and see if he shows up. Barring that, hire a PI.

 

[Kelly]

I recently went through an ordeal trying to find my brother. He has not been seen or heard of for the past 3 months. He walked away from his job, his car (his insurance had run out).
At first he was periodically spotted panhandling by former co-workers but like I said - nothing the past 3 months.

I phoned our local police force. They cited the Privacy Act. According to them this does not fit into the category of 'missing' because there is no evidence of something sinister. They go on the premise that this 'person' may not want to be found which they are entitled to. They consider my request to be a"compassionate" one to find an individual. They told me to phone every homeless shelter and if that didn't turn up anything then hire a private detective.

I called two shelters which were located where he was last sighted. They too would give me nothing citing the Privacy Act.

About the only thing I can do next is go to these shelters, sit and wait and see if he shows up. Barring that, hire a PI.

In which state do you live?

 

[jilly]

In which state do you live?

Sorry....I should have said I live in Canada. I basically just wanted to contribute to this thread with the ordeal that I've been through trying to find someone missing.

 

[Kelly]

Sorry....I should have said I live in Canada. I basically just wanted to contribute to this thread with the ordeal that I've been through trying to find someone missing.

No problem. I asked because for the few states that have passed our Campaign for the Missing law intact, they MUST accept the case.

 

[bykerladi]

It's possible that this woman just does not want to be found, especially by an ex-boyfriend. I also think it's very possible that her family and friends KNOW where she is but are not telling you b/c they know she would not want to be bothered. JMHO.

That was my first thought, actually. I can tell you that I have hid from exboyfriends before, and I would not appreciate anyone telling the exes where I am now. Even if the relationship didn't end sourly, sometimes people just want to leave the past in the past.

If you are really concerned about your exes safety, I would suggest writing a letter to her and send it to a family member. They can give her the letter and if she chooses to talk to you, she can. If not, I suggest you move on with your life.

 

[Zanko]

I recently went through an ordeal trying to find my brother. He has not been seen or heard of for the past 3 months. He walked away from his job, his car (his insurance had run out).
At first he was periodically spotted panhandling by former co-workers but like I said - nothing the past 3 months.

I phoned our local police force. They cited the Privacy Act. According to them this does not fit into the category of 'missing' because there is no evidence of something sinister. They go on the premise that this 'person' may not want to be found which they are entitled to. They consider my request to be a"compassionate" one to find an individual. They told me to phone every homeless shelter and if that didn't turn up anything then hire a private detective.

I called two shelters which were located where he was last sighted. They too would give me nothing citing the Privacy Act.

About the only thing I can do next is go to these shelters, sit and wait and see if he shows up. Barring that, hire a PI.

I agree with a lot of people about those missing that don't want to be found. There are many cases of domestic violence where someone's life depends on not being found. But, when does LE get involved? If an adult disappears, leaves their job, their home and does not contact anyone, did they get kidnapped? Or worse? Are they experiencing some form of amnesia? Or choosing to "disappear"? Couldn't someone kidnap an adult and as long as there were no witnesses to the abduction, couldn't they get away with murder? How do the police know, if there are no signs of struggle or witnesses to the kidnapping? Does anyone else have this worry?

 

[angelmom]

I agree with a lot of people about those missing that don't want to be found. There are many cases of domestic violence where someone's life depends on not being found. But, when does LE get involved? If an adult disappears, leaves their job, their home and does not contact anyone, did they get kidnapped? Or worse? Are they experiencing some form of amnesia? Or choosing to "disappear"? Couldn't someone kidnap an adult and as long as there were no witnesses to the abduction, couldn't they get away with murder? How do the police know, if there are no signs of struggle or witnesses to the kidnapping? Does anyone else have this worry?

You are correct, and this is why the homeless and those living on the edges of society (prostitutes, etc.) are such easy targets for serial killers. It takes so much longer for people to notice they are missing in the first place, and to spot any kind of pattern in the second, because they pick up and move all the time. They don't have reliable habits or places, or they wouldn't be homeless.

It is a dangerous lifestyle, and scary for those who love them. But I honestly can't blame LE for not wanting to spend a lot of time looking for someone who might have just decided that Tucson sounded nice in the winter instead of working on the many other cases where people are truly and for sure missing under suspicious circumstances.

I mean, if you didn't know any of the people involved, and you were a detective with the following cases on your desk, think of how you'd prioritize them:

-several missing/endangered teens who might or might not have run away
-two grown men who have not returned home to their wives for anywhere from a few days to a week
-a homeless woman whose ex-boyfriend hasn't heard from her in several months and is worried about where she is. Her family is not concerned.
-a mother of two who vanished into thin air, no signs of foul play. Her family is bugging you half to death.
-a 7 year old child who was last seen getting off the school bus. No custody issues, no known domestic problems, parents both passed a poly and accounted for. Possible match to previous abduction.

See what I mean?

 

[smith and jones]

I might be off base here, but is it possible they know exactly where she is and may not be telling you?

No they do not know where she is. She was the last one to contact me, so she is not afraid of being in contact.

 

[smith and jones]

WS is Websleuths.

I apologize in advance if I offend anyone, but it seems only fair to tell you, Smith and Jones, that your reasons for wanting to find your ex-girlfriend might lead a person to wonder if this is really a good idea.

[You seem to me to be easily angered;]

How did you jump to that conclusion?

[ at police for being "hostile and no good"; ]

This is my personal experience. Its very relevant to this situation. That is why I'm looking for other ways for help. You would be angry also if you were treated the same way. Can you not understand this?

[at Websleuths for being organized in a way you don't like; at other posters for using abbreviations which you find confusing and unnecessary;]

When I see something wrong I try and change it.

[and at theyaremissed.org for advising you as we did, to first file a report with police.]

I just reported what I found, for my situation and the information of the group. I thought that's what we were supposed to do here, help each other.

[I don't know of any calm, reasonable, law-abiding citizens who find themselves being beat upon by police "for no good reason".]

Well you are just lucky I guess.

[While it is possible that you are an honest, sweet, caring friend with only your friend's well-being in mind, you could just as likely be an angry, obsessed stalker.]

Oh very nice. As soon as a guy wants to find his old girlfriend he is automaticly a stalker. What you said does more damage to the situation than help.

[ This is probably why you are getting more questions and not any info about your friend. Browse around webslueths a bit and you'll see how often women are hurt or killed by former boyfriends or husbands.

What I have written here is not meant to offend or insult you. Just trying to help you understand why some might seem unhelpful to you. ]

Well it is offensive and insulting. I'm not responsible for what anybody else does. I'm here for one thing, to help Mary Ann. So are you going to help or not?

 

[smith and jones]

99% of the threads (names) you see on the main forum page on Missing Persons Information and Support start with either a news article or a family member giving details that came from a missing poster, article or police report.

See, this is what I'm talking about having some instructions. If this was put someplace in the beginning I might have started out with this.

 

[smith and jones]

No problem. I asked because for the few states that have passed our Campaign for the Missing law intact, they MUST accept the case.

Which states are those? Can you tell us more about this.

 

[smith and jones]

If an adult disappears, leaves their job, their home and does not contact anyone, did they get kidnapped? Or worse? Are they experiencing some form of amnesia? Or choosing to "disappear"? Couldn't someone kidnap an adult and as long as there were no witnesses to the abduction, couldn't they get away with murder? How do the police know, if there are no signs of struggle or witnesses to the kidnapping? Does anyone else have this worry?

This is exactly my worry! Like I said, she has mental problems, and needs medication. She is NOT a rough and tough street person. She is sweet and gentle and might be in danger. She might be in a situation where she can't contact anyone. She very well might need help. Just because you don't hear from somebody doesn't mean they don't want to be found.

 

[docwho3]

I agree with a lot of people about those missing that don't want to be found. There are many cases of domestic violence where someone's life depends on not being found. . .

Yes in fact that vast majority of missing person cases are, for various reasons, cases of runaway and are found according to L.E. websites which tell that records have been kept on such things.

. . .But, when does LE get involved? If an adult disappears, leaves their job, their home and does not contact anyone, did they get kidnapped? Or worse? . . .

Here again we run into a question of resources. Knowing that the vast majority of such cases will turn out to be adult runaways, many L.E. departments will not vigorously pursue a case without evidence of foul play. L.E. simply can't afford to spend their limited budget of money, personnel and other resources on finding people that are legally entitled to go missing. This is one reason that family and friends of the missing person often resort to making the disappearance sound as sinister as possible in an effort to have L.E. consider the case a crime and thus conduct an active investigation.

. . .Couldn't someone kidnap an adult and as long as there were no witnesses to the abduction, . . .

Yes they could and sometimes do but eventually a body is usually found and then there is evidence of foul play to go on and then a case can be worked on without fear of wasting resources.

In my opinion: We need better laws that balance the rights of adults to runaway against those left behind who need to know that missing have indeed left willingly and are not in fact injured or the victim of foul play and these laws also need to provide the needed resources for police departments to conduct investigations.

I personally think that we need some laws that allow for an adult to walk into a police station and leave a finger print and sign a short form and stating that they are going to run away so it would cut down on resources being spent on those not wanting to be found and the law should allow L.E. to let it be known to the public that the person ran away willingly, without giving any details out. Perhaps the laws could also allow L.E. to ask for reimbursement from runaways for the expenses of the investigations to find them if they do not sign the required form and maybe we need as a society to begin to debate in the public whether we all really want to provide the funding for the greater expenses police departments will incur if they have to take on so many missing person cases and laws that will deal with the loss of manpower to other cases. If your wife or sister or other female relative is raped would you really want to hear that the investigating officer's time available for finding the bad guy was limited because he was also out chasing down 40 missing adults who will for the most part turn out to be willful runaways? Would you want to hear that only one investigator was working your relatives rape or mugging case case because the other three officers available were all assigned to missing person cases? As a society we all need to decide and then speak to our lawmakers loudly and clearly.

 

[angelmom]

docwho, I do see your point, but then the question becomes...run away from whom? from where?

If an adult decides to move and not tell an old boyfriend who got a little creepy or some acquaintances who were annoying enough that "let's keep in touch" is just a polite brush off...if they are escaping an abusive situation or one that feels like it's headed down that path...who decides if they really ran away?

If you start charging people for not leaving a forwarding address, you might as well go all the way with National ID cards and tracking devices. Don't get me wrong, as my kids approach the teenage years, I'm not COMPLETELY against that :silenced: but I think there would be some political fallout.

It's a tough thing to balance. I really don't know the answer, but I'm not terribly surprised that Zanko isn't getting the full court press from LE. And although Mary Ann may truly be missing or endangered, it's hard to blame them.

 

[Bee Happy]

I'm curious. Why isn't her family concerned? Parents, siblings, children, ex-husband? No one is concerned or looking for her but you? Like others have said, I would think family would have to be the one to report her missing. Your best bet is to speak with them.