Did you ever consider trying to focus on your career, your religion, your family - whatever it took to took to get the focus off Travis not wanting to marry you and on to something more positive, and then meet someone else who DID want to marry you?
What did you do with your bloody clothes? I suspect you have a good idea where the gun and the knife are.
Aren't you just busting to tell someone/anyone what really happened?
Would you still have killed him if one of the roommates was home unexpectedly?
Did you apologize to your family for putting them through hell?
Do you feel that God has forgiven you for killing the man you claimed to love?