Reviewing this case again, my opinion of what happened to Jelani hasn't changed either. All the events leading up to his death are classic markers of someone who was caught in a spiral of being held up to a standard he was unable to attain. All of the things attributed to Jelani; his being a donor for his father, his desire to be a student of speech pathology, his enthusiasm for his supposed dream job are all via the lips of his mother. I feel he was an agreeable child who was coddled by his mother because he was the 3rd of three sons, 'the life and energy of the family', he made a Purity vow, that he would marry a 'chocolate woman and have six children' sound like a trajectory that was assigned to him rather than allowing him to make his own life choices. I also believe that the quid pro quo for Jelani was to negotiate money with his mother to balance all the things he wanted by using his family as an ATM machine. Sometimes it's easier to go with the flow because it was the lesser of two evils.
I don't know when his father was diagnosed with cancer but everyone in the family just assumed because he was a bone marrow match to his dad, he'd automatically go through with the donation. It doesn't sound like Jelani had a voice in his family as to what his future would be. Or if he did say anything it was to parrot what the plan for him was. Being a speech therapist, marrying a black girl and having six kids, being a donor for his dad, etc sounds like a child who learned that it was a pointless exercise to counter the future that was planned for him; just acquiesce and nod and do his own thing. Jelani was ignoring the requirements for a bone marrow donation, he was cutting classes, he hadn't made any arrangements for his clinic assignments or meeting his clients, he was smoking a lot of weed knowing that it would render him inadmissible for donor status.
Everything we hear about Jelani is from his mother: his past, his future, his dreams, even his death. If information doesn't fit the established narrative it is discarded, if LE doesn't conform to the narrative the mother desperately needs to give herself peace, they are dismissed as covering up a crime.
Imagine if Jelani was nothing how his mother described him. What if he was attracted to a white girl? What if he didn't want any kids? What if he was gay? What if he wasted all his parents money on an education for a career he had no interest in? What if, when LE finally get into his phone, there's stuff on there that no one in his family want publicized? What if he purposely did drugs knowing it would eliminate him as a donor? What if the pressure of being the man his mother wanted him to be, was a bridge too far? The last day his movements were tracked he basically discarded connections that would render him a new person. A new person but one who wouldn't fit the image ascribed to him. IMO
I see it all the times. Kids getting depressed because all these years in school, they were promised, “just do well, just get into a good college and life is going to be so good.” Well, they get into good colleges and realize that’s not going to be easier, that now, of all things, they have to compete with kids as smart, or even smarter, than they are, plus, taught the same, to put all 100% and then some, into studies. In the meantime, socializing might be a problem (no one paid attention to it in school), organizing schoolwork might be a problem (maybe parents helped at school? and now they are on their own) and all in all, things become hard.
I believe that primarily, it is about schoolwork. The rest, surprisingly, parents can accept nowadays. With time, with screeching, but hearing “not under my roof” is less common these days. But “graduate and get a good job” is a must. This is hard. IMHO, it is the biggest stressor. To add to it, to my shock, no neurocognitive test can pick up such factors like executive dysfunction, or auditory processing disorder, or pragmatic communication issues. Why some people who should be in top 2% academically function at 30% of their capacity? I don’t know, but not everything is predictive of the best future.
So, why kids get hooked on drugs? Hard to see the reality when sober, I think.
I think Jelani’s parents were like other loving parents. In a way, we are all in the same boat, But I think that we are lucky when our kids start rebelling and refuse to attend high school. When they manage but break later, alone and in colleges, it might be much sadder.
Just some food for thought
Here is the sad story of the life of the smartest man ever, as they say. I am always thinking, what the heck was his father, a psychiatrist, expecting when he first tried to enroll his kid into Harvard at 9?
en.m.wikipedia.org
P.S. I think that Sidis failed not because of his obvious oddities; many scientists have them. He formulated it himself, “I want nothing but a perfect life”. His parents expected nothing but being perfect from him. This leads to inability to lower the bar, to say, “stop, it is perfect enough already.” And then people get tired.