I never thought I was as emotionally attached to this case as I am. I read here and researched and examined with interest in crime, psychology and the law.
Yesterday showed me that I got too emotionally involved. Way too involved. It was a horrible, horrible day. One of the worst. I felt sick all day. I still feel sick. I felt depressed and still am. I tried to get my mind off it but I fell asleep remembering how I laughed at that CM blowing hard about walking out arm in arm with casey. What I joke I used to think that was. And, here it is.
When I finally began dozing off I did so with a sensation and images I never have had before. I had the sensation of Caylee being suffocated and struggling to breathe. That bolted me up.
I finally took a sleeping pill so I could sleep. I have a lot of work to do today. But, I woke right up again way too early, still so sick at heart, thinking about a murderer going free.
This feels like bad moments I have had in my career when I lost a case despite my very best efforts and facts on my side, when I went home sick and with a pit in my stomach for days. But, this is worse.
I went into the profession because justice is very important to me; right and wrong, fairness, fighting for those who do not have a voice, who lack power, all that jazz. I never went into this for the money. Yesterday I refrained from saying this was not justice because it is our system. But today I quote one of my very first law professors, Professor Binder, who stated: "The law is a wh*re."
He was right.