A Mother's Unconditional Love

[jennyb]

I think unconditional love is highly overrated and highly misunderstood. To love someone without condition does not mean a laissez-faire attitude towards them. For the As "unconditional" means, "we place no conditions on you to take responsibility for your behaviour". That's not unconditional love- that's amoral/immoral permissiveness.

The As don't love the perp unconditionally, IMO. To spoil a child and cover up for a murderess is not love at all. It shows a basic lack of respect for human life.

And that's why Caylee is a mere footnote.

I didn't see this before I made my comment. What you said -- BOLDED.

 

[PoppyH]

I'd throw my kids under the bus in a heartbeat.

:laugh::laugh: Cracked me up when I read this, I feel the same way JBean, specially when it comes to my granddaughter, thats her in my siggie and the Avi is her and her mother, I love them dearly but Audrey comes first!!! And Sarah knows that LOL, she loves it!!!!!!!!! Sarah is my youngest daughter.

 

[Dejablue]

I couldn't turn my back on a sweet grandbaby to defend an adult child. I just never would. How dare my adult child take a sweet grandbaby away.

This is exactly the chair I sit in. My grandbaby is so sweet and innocent, NO way I'd let her mother get away with hurting one hair on her head.

 

[cuppy199]

OK... I have had a hard time today... I am completely conflicted about all my emotions in this case. I have had a difficult time with A's behavior throughout it all.

But... Cindy is my age...with kids my age... and her message to Casey today blew me away. It was raw, it was beautiful, it was a call of love to her daughter, whom she so obviously loves, despite what she has done. I imagine myself in her shoes and doing the same thing. Or at least I hope I would.

I have been on this forum for alittle while now and for the most part I have bitten my tongue I havent said anything because quiet honestly it isnt something Im proud of and its something I usually keep hidden because its painful to talk about. But after reading your post and reading through other post on this thread I felt the need to shed some light on how my family handle their lost and their love for my brother.I think thats one of the biggest reason I was drawn to this case because I look at KC and see glimpes of my brother all over again. Little over ten years ago my brother murdered my 2yr old niece in a fit of rage.My parents loved my brother and there grandchild and were totally heart broken.Our family will always love my brother but we dont love what he has become. We did not lie for him and we didnt cover for him. It was hard for me but it was even harder for my parents.But as much as my parents loved my brother they still wanted justice for my niece. Mind you that my brothers case never got the news this one did but even if it would of the end result would of been the same.That justice for my niece was always first in our minds and in are hearts.I asked my parents after my brother was sentenced to life in prison how they felt. And this is what they said.We love our children and our grandchildren more then anything is this world but sometimes life isnt fair and we are thrown into to horrible nightmares where we must make a choice on where we stand with this world and with the lord.Sometimes tough love is the only way.Our grandchild didnt have a choice on how her life was ended but our son did.And even though we love him more then life itself he chose his path in life and now he must be punished by the law and our lord.Im not saying what the A's have done is wrong or that the way my family handle it was better but I thought i would shed some light on a family that been through the same nightmare as the A's. My heart aches for the A's because I do know what it feels like to be in this nightmare and I never stopped loving my brother but I personally never stopped wanting justice for my niece because she deserved that much for what she went though to leave this world.Sorry for the long rant and I hope no one looks at me any different then before but I just felt I need to say it.

 

[jennyb]

I have been on this forum for alittle while now and for the most part I have bitten my tongue I havent said anything because quiet honestly it isnt something Im proud of and its something I usually keep hidden because its painful to talk about. But after reading your post and reading through other post on this thread I felt the need to shed some light on how my family handle their lost and their love for my brother.I think thats one of the biggest reason I was drawn to this case because I look at KC and see glimpes of my brother all over again. Little over ten years ago my brother murdered my 2yr old niece in a fit of rage.My parents loved my brother and there grandchild and were totally heart broken.Our family will always love my brother but we dont love what he has become. We did not lie for him and we didnt cover for him. It was hard for me but it was even harder for my parents.But as much as my parents loved my brother they still wanted justice for my niece. Mind you that my brothers case never got the news this one did but even if it would of the end result would of been the same.That justice for my niece was always first in our minds and in are hearts.I asked my parents after my brother was sentenced to life in prison how they felt. And this is what they said.We love our children and our grandchildren more then anything is this world but sometimes life isnt fair and we are thrown into to horrible nightmares where we must make a choice on where we stand with this world and with the lord.Sometimes tough love is the only way.Our grandchild didnt have a choice on how her life was ended but our son did.And even though we love him more then life itself he chose his path in life and now he must be punished by the law and our lord.Im not saying what the A's have done is wrong or that the way my family handle it was better but I thought i would shed some light on a family that been through the same nightmare as the A's. My heart aches for the A's because I do know what it feels like to be in this nightmare and I never stopped loving my brother but I personally never stopped wanting justice for my niece because she deserved that much for what she went though to leave this world.Sorry for the long rant and I hope no one looks at me any different then before but I just felt I need to say it.

Bless your heart, Cuppy. And thank you so much for sharing.

 

[mydailyopinions]

I have been on this forum for alittle while now and for the most part I have bitten my tongue I havent said anything because quiet honestly it isnt something Im proud of and its something I usually keep hidden because its painful to talk about. But after reading your post and reading through other post on this thread I felt the need to shed some light on how my family handle their lost and their love for my brother.I think thats one of the biggest reason I was drawn to this case because I look at KC and see glimpes of my brother all over again. Little over ten years ago my brother murdered my 2yr old niece in a fit of rage.My parents loved my brother and there grandchild and were totally heart broken.Our family will always love my brother but we dont love what he has become. We did not lie for him and we didnt cover for him. It was hard for me but it was even harder for my parents.But as much as my parents loved my brother they still wanted justice for my niece. Mind you that my brothers case never got the news this one did but even if it would of the end result would of been the same.That justice for my niece was always first in our minds and in are hearts.I asked my parents after my brother was sentenced to life in prison how they felt. And this is what they said.We love our children and our grandchildren more then anything is this world but sometimes life isnt fair and we are thrown into to horrible nightmares where we must make a choice on where we stand with this world and with the lord.Sometimes tough love is the only way.Our grandchild didnt have a choice on how her life was ended but our son did.And even though we love him more then life itself he chose his path in life and now he must be punished by the law and our lord.Im not saying what the A's have done is wrong or that the way my family handle it was better but I thought i would shed some light on a family that been through the same nightmare as the A's. My heart aches for the A's because I do know what it feels like to be in this nightmare and I never stopped loving my brother but I personally never stopped wanting justice for my niece because she deserved that much for what she went though to leave this world.Sorry for the long rant and I hope no one looks at me any different then before but I just felt I need to say it.

:grouphug: I can't even begin to imagine the pain your family suffered. Thank you for sharing this story.

 

[Pattymarie]

I have been on this forum for alittle while now and for the most part I have bitten my tongue I havent said anything because quiet honestly it isnt something Im proud of and its something I usually keep hidden because its painful to talk about. But after reading your post and reading through other post on this thread I felt the need to shed some light on how my family handle their lost and their love for my brother.I think thats one of the biggest reason I was drawn to this case because I look at KC and see glimpes of my brother all over again. Little over ten years ago my brother murdered my 2yr old niece in a fit of rage.My parents loved my brother and there grandchild and were totally heart broken.Our family will always love my brother but we dont love what he has become. We did not lie for him and we didnt cover for him. It was hard for me but it was even harder for my parents.But as much as my parents loved my brother they still wanted justice for my niece. Mind you that my brothers case never got the news this one did but even if it would of the end result would of been the same.That justice for my niece was always first in our minds and in are hearts.I asked my parents after my brother was sentenced to life in prison how they felt. And this is what they said.We love our children and our grandchildren more then anything is this world but sometimes life isnt fair and we are thrown into to horrible nightmares where we must make a choice on where we stand with this world and with the lord.Sometimes tough love is the only way.Our grandchild didnt have a choice on how her life was ended but our son did.And even though we love him more then life itself he chose his path in life and now he must be punished by the law and our lord.Im not saying what the A's have done is wrong or that the way my family handle it was better but I thought i would shed some light on a family that been through the same nightmare as the A's. My heart aches for the A's because I do know what it feels like to be in this nightmare and I never stopped loving my brother but I personally never stopped wanting justice for my niece because she deserved that much for what she went though to leave this world.Sorry for the long rant and I hope no one looks at me any different then before but I just felt I need to say it.

First of all, this was not a rant but a well-written post that helps all of us here have understanding into a family tragedy that most of us have not experienced. You have.... and for that I am deeply sorry for what you and your family have endured. Your thoughts and insight are very much needed here!

 

[cheko1]

I think that depends on who Lee was talking to today. If it wasn't Casey, then he's still spinning that someone else is involved, IMO, JMO, etc. etc.

SuziQ I am right there with you....

 

[Shaymus at The Rock]

There's a difference between unconditional and obsessive love.

 

[Tichad3]

There's a difference between unconditional and obsessive love.

:clap:

 

[Paintr]

I have been on this forum for alittle while now and for the most part I have bitten my tongue I havent said anything because quiet honestly it isnt something Im proud of and its something I usually keep hidden because its painful to talk about. But after reading your post and reading through other post on this thread I felt the need to shed some light on how my family handle their lost and their love for my brother.I think thats one of the biggest reason I was drawn to this case because I look at KC and see glimpes of my brother all over again. Little over ten years ago my brother murdered my 2yr old niece in a fit of rage.My parents loved my brother and there grandchild and were totally heart broken.Our family will always love my brother but we dont love what he has become. We did not lie for him and we didnt cover for him. It was hard for me but it was even harder for my parents.But as much as my parents loved my brother they still wanted justice for my niece. Mind you that my brothers case never got the news this one did but even if it would of the end result would of been the same.That justice for my niece was always first in our minds and in are hearts.I asked my parents after my brother was sentenced to life in prison how they felt. And this is what they said.We love our children and our grandchildren more then anything is this world but sometimes life isnt fair and we are thrown into to horrible nightmares where we must make a choice on where we stand with this world and with the lord.Sometimes tough love is the only way.Our grandchild didnt have a choice on how her life was ended but our son did.And even though we love him more then life itself he chose his path in life and now he must be punished by the law and our lord.Im not saying what the A's have done is wrong or that the way my family handle it was better but I thought i would shed some light on a family that been through the same nightmare as the A's. My heart aches for the A's because I do know what it feels like to be in this nightmare and I never stopped loving my brother but I personally never stopped wanting justice for my niece because she deserved that much for what she went though to leave this world.Sorry for the long rant and I hope no one looks at me any different then before but I just felt I need to say it.

Cuppy. I will look at you differently now. Every time I see your name I will think of the courage it took for you to share that story and the strength it must have taken to endure such a tragedy. My best wishes to you and your whole family. Thank you kindly for sharing a part of your real life with us!

 

[stilettos]

God gave me my children so they could get the remote for when I am on the couch watching TV and I can't reach it.

Radio, I have 5 of the most gorgeous sons you have ever seen and they would do just about anything for me and I mean it. They are the light of my life and even as grown men they love me up and treat me like a queen. I would do ALMOST anything for them. If it was illegal or immoral I want no part of it. My kids know better than to even ask.
It would take a lot of persuading for me to even imagine they could be capable of murder. But if the evidence were in and I was satisfied they were guilty, I would do what was necessary to bring them to justice. But it would not be easy and I honestly have no clue how I would feel about them as people thinking they could kill a baby. The conflict is beyond anything I have experience in so it is way over my head.

This is an amazing post. Coming from someone who has had to contemplate what I would do and feel should my child's actions result in ending the life of another, I can say that I love my child unconditionally. There are however consequences for our actions. I have always felt like it was my responsibility to instill the knowledge of right and wrong in my children. When my BP daughter assaulted her teacher and put her in the hospital, there was a time we did not know if she would make it. I had to confront myself and decide how I would respond. Would I take the easy way out and say as some medical experts that she was not responsible for her actions due to her disorder? Or would I try to teach her that to live in our society as a free person we have rules governing our behavior that are immovable, harming others is one of those? I chose the latter. After her release from the hospital we supported LE in jail time for our daughter. If we did not teach her now that she had to be brought to justice for her behavior, would the next time result in a true fatality? We visited her at every visiting day. Today it has been years since she has physically harmed another person. If I had it to do over again, I would do the same. I am the one who called LE on my child on this occasion and many others, and I would do it all again. If that's what is meant by throwing her under the bus, she'll remain there. For her own good and for society's. I may be condemned as a bad Mother, but to me that is unconditional love. It teaches, it supports right behavior and it never gives up.

 

[heartfortruth]

:grouphug: I can't even begin to imagine the pain your family suffered. Thank you for sharing this story.

cuppy199, I am adding my thanks to the others. I am so glad you spoke up as it gives us an "inside" view into a similar family tragedy which was handled the way many of us here think would be the only right way.
LOVE does not negate TRUTH, nor does TRUTH negate LOVE,imo
your story made my heart just go out to you and your family and I hope everyone, (including your brother ,who thankfully didn't get away with murder), finds Peace in "the God of all comfort".

 

[kathryann]

Unconditional love is more about standing by your child even if they have done something wrong, forgiving them (eventually) and hoping to understand them, not about blaming everyone else for their actions. KC has always expected her family to save her and this time they can't. It's difficult for a dysfunctional family to "let go" of the person that is creating all the drama in their lives. Since it's been about KC for so long, when they don't have her around creating chaos, they have nothing else to do with their lives.

 

[Jay D]

To me, unconditional parental love is not a singular concept, but a multifaceted set of actions and behaviors. Tough love is one of those facets.
As can be read in many of the wonderful posts above, most people understand and embrace this notion.
Cindy does not. I don't feel like Lee, KC, or Caylee were ever given the gift of tough love, only given a superficial substitute for love.
The consequences are telling.

 

[supergirl]

I have been on this forum for alittle while now and for the most part I have bitten my tongue I havent said anything because quiet honestly it isnt something Im proud of and its something I usually keep hidden because its painful to talk about. But after reading your post and reading through other post on this thread I felt the need to shed some light on how my family handle their lost and their love for my brother.I think thats one of the biggest reason I was drawn to this case because I look at KC and see glimpes of my brother all over again. Little over ten years ago my brother murdered my 2yr old niece in a fit of rage.My parents loved my brother and there grandchild and were totally heart broken.Our family will always love my brother but we dont love what he has become. We did not lie for him and we didnt cover for him. It was hard for me but it was even harder for my parents.But as much as my parents loved my brother they still wanted justice for my niece. Mind you that my brothers case never got the news this one did but even if it would of the end result would of been the same.That justice for my niece was always first in our minds and in are hearts.I asked my parents after my brother was sentenced to life in prison how they felt. And this is what they said.We love our children and our grandchildren more then anything is this world but sometimes life isnt fair and we are thrown into to horrible nightmares where we must make a choice on where we stand with this world and with the lord.Sometimes tough love is the only way.Our grandchild didnt have a choice on how her life was ended but our son did.And even though we love him more then life itself he chose his path in life and now he must be punished by the law and our lord.Im not saying what the A's have done is wrong or that the way my family handle it was better but I thought i would shed some light on a family that been through the same nightmare as the A's. My heart aches for the A's because I do know what it feels like to be in this nightmare and I never stopped loving my brother but I personally never stopped wanting justice for my niece because she deserved that much for what she went though to leave this world.Sorry for the long rant and I hope no one looks at me any different then before but I just felt I need to say it.

Cuppy, I envy your family the stregnth they had to find for doing what is right. I don't know what in a situation such as this my or my families response would be, I can only guess based on our regular behavior. Protecting the young and innocent are a priority, always and forever. I sincerely hope that your family can find peace of heart and I will pray for you all.

 

[Pattymarie]

To me, unconditional parental love is not a singular concept, but a multifaceted set of actions and behaviors. Tough love is one of those facets.
As can be read in many of the wonderful posts above, most people understand and embrace this notion.
Cindy does not. I don't feel like Lee, KC, or Caylee were ever given the gift of tough love, only given a superficial substitute for love.
The consequences are telling.

I hear ya, but WHY would Cindy only give a superficial substitute of love? What would be the underlying cause of this. Speaking as a mother, my love for my children came quite naturally.

 

[jennyb]

I hear ya, but WHY would Cindy only give a superficial substitute of love? What would be the underlying cause of this. Speaking as a mother, my love for my children came quite naturally.

Patty, just a guess, but if you see your children as an extension of yourself and not a separate entity to be nurtured, you fall into this category. CA probably did the best she could, given her psychology. Who knows how she was parented? What is her definition of love? How selfish is she? Whatever she did I wouldn't call it healthy, and it didn't translate to the recipient as love. In my view it isn't love at all.

 

[TxLady2]

Do you have grandkids? Little ones completely innocent and dependent on adults for safekeeping? I couldn't turn my back on a sweet grandbaby to defend an adult child. I just never would. How dare my adult child take a sweet grandbaby away.

Well, see, that's where I have a problem understanding that way of thinking. Why does it have to mean Cindy "turned her back on Caylee" because she still loves and supports Casey? Why couldn't she love them both? Consider that she does not believe Casey killed Caylee deliberately. Therefore she continues to love and support her, and George and Lee feel the same way. They believe she is innocent. It does not lessen their love for their grandchild to believe their daughter did not do this.
It might be very obvious to most of us that Casey is guilty, (I still have a problem with that, despite the evidence myself...) but it is not that obvious to them because they know and love her and cannot believe she is capable of doing such a thing. That does not mean they are wrong, just that they need more proof than we do, apparently.
There are some who knew Casey was guilty from the first day this story broke. Congrats to them, because I require more proof than that, I need to hear all the facts and evidence first before I'm ready to convict someone.
I believe in the premise of innocent until proven guilty in a court of law, beyond a reasonable doubt.
If this were my child in this situation, I would probably have a hard time accepting that they could do this too. It would not mean I loved my grandchild any less, it would just mean that I loved my child and believed in him. (I don't have a daughter.) To me, it's not an either/or situation. If your grandchild comes to you and says, "my daddy whipped me because I was naughty" do you automatically turn on your son? Or do you question him and find out the facts before you believe one or the other? OCSO told the Anthonys that they believed Casey killed Caylee. The Anthonys choose not to believe that at this point. That is their right, and they are entitled to want more proof than what they have seen so far. I don't blame them, I would tend to believe my child before I believed law enforcement, IF the circumstances were the same...that's just the way I am. I trust most LE, because I have a son in LE.... but I also know that some LE can have tunnel vision, and they are not always right. Sometimes they get it wrong.

 

[TxLady2]

Oh, and I want to add also.... It is a lot easier to believe that someone you don't know is guilty when presented with facts, than it is to believe when that someone is your own child, or someone close to you. When it's a member of your family, specifically your own child, it tends to skew the vision quite a bit. You don't see things the way others will see it... your perception is slanted by your love for your child. Does that make sense?